The 50 Dumbest Things George W. Bush Has Ever Said

50. "I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." -at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

49. "We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." -Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

48. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

47. "I am here to make an announcement that this Thursday, ticket counters and airplanes will fly out of Ronald Reagan Airport." --Washington, D.C., Oct. 3, 2001

46. "Tribal sovereignty means that; it's sovereign. I mean, you're a -- you've been given sovereignty, and you're viewed as a sovereign entity. And therefore the relationship between the federal government and tribes is one between sovereign entities." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 6, 2004 (Watch video clip)

45. "I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001 (Listen to audio clip)

44. "You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

43. "The same folks that are ...   Full text

Dad Talking to Dumbest Lady



Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says "Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Minutes later he runs back and says, "Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!"

The mom says, "The bigger they are, the dumber they are."

So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says, "Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"   Full text

Little Johnny Dishes The Dirt



Little Johnny came home early from school and started calling his mother with no answer. He finally went up stairs and saw the bedroom door was open a little. When he peered in, he saw his dad on the bed with the maid so he quietly went outside and waited for his mother.

When she showed up with some groceries, he said "Mommy, Mommy guess what I saw? I saw daddy upstairs on the bed with the maid and they were......."

And his Mother said, "Stop right there, Johnny". Wait until supper tonight when the maid is serving the meal. When I wink at you, and then tell me the story."

At supper when all were seated and being served by the maid, she winked and Johnny began again.

"Mommy, when I got home from school early today, I was looking for you and saw daddy on the bed with the maid. They were doing the same thing that I saw you and Uncle Phil doing at the cottage last summer."   Full text

TWO LITTLE BOYS



Two little boys go into the grocery store. One is nine years old and the other one is four years old. The nine years old grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register for checkout.

The cashier asks, "Oh, these must be for your mom, huh?"

The nine-year-old replies "Nope, not for my mom."

Without thinking, the cashier responded "Well, they must be for your sister then?"

The nine year old quipped, "Nope, not for my sister either."

The cashier had now become curious "Oh. Not for your mom and not for your sister? Who are they for?"

The nine year old says, "They're for my four year old little brother."

The cashier is surprised "Your four year old little brother?"

The nine year old explains: "Well yeah, they say on TV if you wear one of these, you can swim or ride a bike and my little brother can't do either of them!"   Full text

Never Leave A Good Chance To Get Rid Of Your Wife



A man burst into a crowded bank, ordered everyone into a corner, and then got his bag filled with packets of money.

But instead of running out, he approached the crowd of terrified customers. He picked out one and asked, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

The robber then shot him in the temple, killing him instantly.

He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

"No sir, I sure didn't," the man replied -- "But my wife did."   Full text

Sleeping Pills For A Blonde



An exhausted looking blonde dragged herself in to the doctor’s office. “Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood. They bark all day and all night, and I can’t get a wink of sleep.”

“I have good news for you,” the doctor answered, rummaging through a drawer full of sample medications. “Here are some new sleeping pills that work like a dream. A few of these and your trouble will be over.”

“Great,” the blonde answered, “I’ll try anything. Let’s give it a shot.”

A few weeks later the blonde returned, looking worse than ever. “Doc, your plan is no good. I’m more tired than before!”

“I don’t understand how that could be”, said the doctor, shaking his head. “Those are the strongest pills on the market!”

“That may be true,” answered the blonde wearily, “but I’m still up all night chasing those dogs and when I finally catch one it’s hard getting him to swallow the pill!”   Full text

Mottos To Work By


1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos…then you probably haven’t completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity
5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity…probably has a scapegoat.
6. Plagiarism saves time.
7. If at first you don’t succeed, try management.
8. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
9. TEAMWORK…means never having to take all the blame yourself.   Full text

Blonde Logic


A striking blonde woman walks into a store. Curious about a shiny object behind the counter, she asks, “What is that?”

The helpful store clerk responds, “Why, it’s a thermos.”

Still curious, the blonde asks, “What does it do?”

“It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” replies the clerk.

So she buys one….

The next day, she brings her new thermos to work with her.

Her boss, also a blonde, asks, “What’s that shiny thingy?”

She replies with authority, “It’s a thermos.”

“Oh,” says he, “And what’s it do?”

“Well,” says she, “It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”

Then he asks, “So what do you have in there today?”

“Two cups of hot coffee and a Pepsi .”   Full text

Optimism vs Pessimism


An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.

For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.

The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, “Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?”

“I sure did,” responded the pessimist. “Your dog can’t swim!”   Full text

Don't Try To Sell Anything To A Broke Old Lady


A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

‘Good morning,’ said the young man. ‘If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners . ‘

‘Go away!’ said the old lady. ‘I’m broke and haven’t got any money!’ and she proceeded to close the door.

Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open. ‘Don’t be too hasty!’ he said. ‘Not until you have at least seen my demonstration.’ And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet. ‘If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder.’

The old lady stepped back and said, ‘Well let me get you a fork, ’cause they cut off my electricity this morning.’   Full text