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Last 10 funny stories Last 10 funny jokes
1. Husband and wife are talking. (Rating: 1)
2. Chuck norris. (Rating: 2)
3. Pregnant Turkey. (Rating: 3)
4. Make Me Look Fat?. (Rating: 2)
5. Deep Thoughts. (Rating: 1)
6. The Godfather. (Rating: 1)
7. A Short Marriage. (Rating: 1)
8. A Republican Banker Meets His Destiny. (Rating: 1)
9. How To Handle a Husband. (Rating: 1)
10. Power Outage. (Rating: 1)
1. Joke #2185.  yo mama is fat if she had a baby...
2. Joke #2184.  Yo mama is so fat she was hit by...
3. Joke #2183.  Lipstick
4. Joke #2182.  Whenever Chuck Norris looks in a...
5. Joke #2181.  When Chuck norris steps in a...
6. Joke #2179.  You with your beautiful eyes,...
7. Joke #2178.  Q: Why is it okay for blondes to...
8. Joke #2177.  Q: What's five miles long and...
9. Joke #2176.  Q: What did the blonde do when...
10. Joke #2175.  Q: Why did the blonde keep...

Last 10 funny jokes

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Husband and wife are talking

She: - If I died suddenly, would you marry again?
He: - Of course not ...
She: - No? Why is it not? Do not you like being married?
He: - Well, it doesn't metter
She: - It does, why would not you want more to get married, if you appreciate the marriage?
He: - Well, would marry, if it makes you feel better ..
She: (upset) - Ah ... You would have married then ..
He: - Well! We talk about it !!
She: - And you would have a sleep with her in our bed ???
He: - And where do you think I sleep with her?
She: - And you would be instead of my pictures everywhere to put it?
He: - Well, I think yes, of course!
She: - And would you let her drive my car?
He: - No, she has no driver licence ..
She: ?!?!?!?!?!?!
He: - Crap
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Views: 11062
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Chuck norris

The sun wears tinted glasses when Chuck Norris looks at it

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Pregnant Turkey

Last year at Christmas time, my mom went to my sister's house for the traditional holiday feast.

Knowing how gullible my sister is, my mom decided to play a trick.

She told my sister that she needed something from the store and asked if my sister wouldn't mind going out to get it.

When my sister left the house, mom took the turkey out of the oven, removed the mixed stuffing, stuffed a Cornish hen, and inserted it into the turkey... then re-stuffed the turkey.

She then placed the bird(s) back into the oven.

When it was time for dinner, my sister pulled the turkey out of the oven and proceeded to remove the stuffing.

When her serving spoon hit something, she reached in and pulled out the smaller bird.

With a look of total shock on her face, my mother exclaimed, "Barbara, you've cooked a pregnant bird!"

At the reality of this horrifying news, my sister started to cry ...   Full text
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Make Me Look Fat?

My wife had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue slacks.

Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked me, "Honey, do these slacks make me look like the side of the house?"

"No, dear, not at all," I replied. "Our house isn't blue."
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Deep Thoughts

* If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

* Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

* Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip ... joy. With the second ... satisfaction. With the third, peace. With the fourth, a Danish.

* Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

* Accept misfortune as a blessing. Do not wish for perfect health or a life without problems. What would you talk about?

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single "oy."

* The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao is not Jewish.

* Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. Breathe out. Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be the least of your problems.

* Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as the wooded glen. And ...   Full text
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The Godfather

A Mafia godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated him out of ten million bucks.

His bookkeeper is deaf.

That was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was assumed that a deaf bookkeeper would not hear anything that he might have to testify about in court.

When the godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who knows sign language.

The godfather tells the lawyer, "Ask him where the 10 million bucks he embezzled from me is."

The attorney, using sign language, asks the bookkeeper where the money is.

The bookkeeper signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about."

The attorney tells the godfather, "He says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

The godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the bookkeeper's temple, and says, "Ask him again!"
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A Short Marriage

A man and woman were having marriage problems, and decided to end their union after a very short time together. After a most brief attempt to reconcile, the couple went to court to finalize their break-up. The judge asked the husband, "What has brought you to this point, where you are not able to keep this marriage together?"

The husband said, "In the six weeks we've been together, we haven't been able to agree on one thing."

The wife said, "Seven weeks."
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A Republican Banker Meets His Destiny

A factory worker, a fervent Democrat dressed in overalls, sat down to have his lunch in a park across from his office.

Then he noticed a very distinguished and dignified man step out of a top of the line BMW, walk into the park and sit down a few feet away on the grass; he was extremely well dressed in a hand tailored Brioni pinstriped business suit, perfectly tied silk necktie, starched white dress shirt, monogrammed cuff links, silver tiepin, Rolex watch, immaculately polished black leather shoes and silk socks. He placed his expensive briefcase next to him and prepared for lunch.

"One of those Republicans, I'll bet" thought the factory worker, and after introducing himself, he found out he was right not only a Republican, but an investment banker!

The factory worker glanced at the banker's shoes, glistening in the sunlight.

"You have those polished every day, don't you?" he asked.

The Investment ...   Full text
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How To Handle a Husband

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica.

Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man.

"We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off.

My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said," That's once."

"We proceeded a little further and the horse stumbled again, this time causing her to drop her water. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for a third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her ...   Full text
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Power Outage

Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.

After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.

Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing songs for the next 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories for the rest of the way."

At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor, Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories.

"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
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J o k e s

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