A history joke
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
A math joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
A history joke
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
A history joke
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall ... Full text

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
A history joke
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
A history joke
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: ... Full text

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth !
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten ! Full text

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening ! Full text

Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too? Full text

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ? Full text

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon! Full text

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much !
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it ! Full text

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school ! Full text

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking ! Full text

Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between ! Full text

Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil: I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you ! Full text

Our teacher talks to herself does yours ?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening ! Full text

Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission ! Full text

I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory
When did this start ?
When did what start? Full text

The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class ! Full text

Teacher:When I was your age I thought nothing of walking 5 miles to school
Pupil:I agree, I don't think much of it myself ! Full text

Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you get detention alone ! Full text

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later ! Full text

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Pupil: I can't, I live just round the corner ! Full text

What's the moral of the story about Jonah and the whale ?
You can't keep a good man down ! Full text

Q: Who designed Noah's ark?
A: An ark-itect ! Full text

Q: What was the greatest accomplishment of the early Romans ?
A: Speaking Latin ! Full text

Q: Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons ?
A: He wanted Mark Antony ! Full text

Q: Where did the pilgrims land when they came to America ?
A: On their feet ! Full text

Q: Why does history keep repeating itself ?
A: Because we weren't listening the first time ! Full text

Q: Who succeeded the first President of the USA ?
A: The second one ! Full text

Q: If Atlas supported the world on his shoulders, who supported Atlas ?
A: His wife ! Full text

Q: Why did Eve want to move to New York ?
A: She fell for the Big Apple ! Full text

Q: What did Noah do while spending time on the ark ?
A: Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms ! Full text