A history joke
What did Noah do while spending time on the ark?
Fished, but he didn't catch much. He only had two worms!
Mother: What was the first thing you learned in class?
Daughter: How to talk without moving my lips!
A history joke
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
Toga-ether we can rule the world!
Teacher: What's big and yellow and comes in the morning to ... Full text

Little Monster: I hate my teacher.
Mother Monster: Well just eat your salad up then dear!
"What's the matter with your dinner?"
"Can you describe it for me please in case I need to tell my doctor later what I've eaten!"
A history joke
Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood, he had to walk 7 miles to school everyday.
Well he should have got up earlier and caught the ... Full text

Father: How were the exam questions?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers!
A history joke
Where was the Magna Carta signed?
At the bottom!
What are you going to be when you get out of school?
An old man!
What did you learn in school today?
Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow!
A ... Full text

Aardvark
A vark that thinks it's tough !
Abdomen
Men with beer bellies !
Abigail
Strong wind heard in a monastery !
Absent Minded
Oh ! I seem to have forgotten this one !
Absolute
The best musical instrument in the World, ever !
Abundance
Lots of dancing cakes
Abyss
An abbot's wife
Accidental
When you fall and knock your ... Full text

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg ?
Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over !
Who invented fractions ?
Henry the 1/8 !
What does "Minimum" mean ?
A very small mother !

What does "Maximum" mean ?
A very big mother !
What's the difference between an American student and an English student ?
About 3000 miles !
What sleeps at the ... Full text

Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow ?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass !
Teacher: You new here aren't you, what's your name ?
Pupil: Fred Mickey Smith
Teacher: I'll call you Fred Smith then.
Pupil: My dad won't like that.
Teacher: Why is that ?
Pupil: He doesn't like people taking the Mickey out of my name !
Why ... Full text

Teacher: Can anyone tell me how many seconds there are in a year ?
Pupil: 12 - 2nd January, 2nd February...!
Teacher: This is the third time I've had to tell you off this week, what have you got to say about that?
Pupil: Thank heavens it's Friday !
Teacher: Didn't you hear me call you ?
Pupil: But you said not to answer you back !
Teacher: Why can't you ever answer ... Full text

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Fred's test paper.
Pupil: I hope you didn't see me either !
Teacher: You copied from Fred's exam paper didn't you ?
Pupil: How did you know ?
Teacher: Fred's paper says "I don't know" and you have put "Me, neither" ! Full text

What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher ?
Lots of blood tests ! Full text

What kinds of tests do they give witches ?
Hex-aminations ! Full text

Great news, teacher says we have a test today come rain or shine.
So what's so great about that ?
It's snowing outside ! Full text

Father: How were the exam questions ?
Son: Easy
Father: Then why look so unhappy ?
Son: The questions didn't give me any trouble, just the answers ! Full text

Father: What did the teacher think of your idea
Son: She took it like a lamb
Teacher: Really ?, what did she say ?
Son: Baa ! Full text

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Kansas!
Kansas who?
Kansas the best way to buy tuna! Full text

oh man, i remember playing on the teetor totter, going up and down and up and down until some jack ass jumps of at the last minute and you smoke your jewels at 60 miles per hour Full text

There were three aliens that whanted to take over the world but they had to learn the language so they went to go learn a word the first alien went to a park and he saw some kids playing soccor and they were voting on who was going to go get the ball and this kid yelled out "me me " .so that is what the first alien learned .the second alien went to a dinner and a couple yelled out we need ... Full text

One day three kids where playing in the playground and where jumping on all the play equipment, having the time of there lives.
When the first kid was under the slide making a sand castle a little dwarf wizard appeared.
The little boy asked,'hi little wizard what are you here for?'
The little Wizard replied,' Ive come to grant you three one wish each because this is a magic ... Full text

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven, eight (ate), nine Full text

What sits in the corner, is red and gets smaller and smaller?
A baby with a potato pealer! Full text

What sits in the corner, is red and gets smaller and smaller?
A baby with a potato pealer! Full text

Ken bigley reading a statement and halfway through it l;oses the head and goes home Full text

Q: Whats the best part of haing sex with 8 years olds?
A: Hearing their pelvis crack.
Q:Whats the best part with haveing sex with 28 year olds?
A: Theres 20 of them.
Q: Whats better than having sex with 8 year olds?
A: Nothing Full text

Q: What did one octapuss say to the other?
A: Wanna hold my hand,hand,hand,hand,hand,hand,hand,hand? Full text

teacher: y r u crawling into class 10 minutes late??
student: because u sed dont walk into the class late again.
student: sir would u punish some one for what they didnt do?
teacher:no
student: thats good cause i didnt do my home work. Full text

there were three kids, the first kid comes up to his father and says why is my name apple and his father says because a apple fell on your head when you were born then the second kid came up to his father and asked why is my name orange and his father said because a orange fell on your heed when you were born then the third kid came up to his father and said da, then his father said quiet ... Full text

There was this boy with a red wagon, he was pulling it up a large hill and at the top of the hill was a church. Well in the middle of the hill there was a huge mud puddle and his wagon was stuck. So this little kid was swearing his ass of, saying fuck this stupid peice of shit wagon, and he carried on cursing.
All of the sudden a nun approached him and said, "Little boy, little boy you ... Full text

why did humty dumty push is wife of the so he could see here crack Full text

Me and my friend went fishing and we forgot to put some all in my truck Full text

yo mama so ugly when she wobbles down the street in seotember, folk say, ''damn it, cant believe it's halloween already...'' Full text

why was the boy kicked out the boy scouts ?
because he was caught eating a brownie Full text