Good Jokes

What is the center of gravity?
The letter V!
What letter is found in a cup?
T!
How do you know if your teacher likes you?
She keeps putting X's on your paper!
When was The Great Depression?
Last week, when I got my report card! (
Why did the class clown give a dog biscuit to Katie?
Because he heard she was the teacher's pet!
Science Teacher: Who can tell me what an atom is?
Student: The guy who went out with Eve!
Why don't you see giraffes in elementary school?
Because they're all in High School!
What room can a student never enter?
A Mushroom!
What has 3 feet and no legs?
A yardstick!

What occurs 4 times in every week, 2 times in every month, & once in a year?
The letter E!

Who is your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal

What do you get when you add 13 hospital patients to 13 hospital patients?
Twenty Sicks!

How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters?
ICE!

What has four eyes but can't see?
Mississippi!

Why did the girl turn in her math book?
It had too many problems!

Is a hammer a good tool for math class?
No, you need multi-pliers!

What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a day?
The letter M

Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
Because he only had one pupil

A history joke
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
A math joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
A history joke
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
A history joke
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
A history joke
Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
Because there were so many knights!

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
A history joke
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
A history joke
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school
A math joke
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth !
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten !

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening !

Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too?

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much !
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it !

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school !

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking !

Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between !

Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil: I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you !

Our teacher talks to herself does yours ?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening !

Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission !

I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory
When did this start ?
When did what start?

The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class !

Teacher:When I was your age I thought nothing of walking 5 miles to school
Pupil:I agree, I don't think much of it myself !

Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you get detention alone !

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later !

Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home
Pupil: I can't, I live just round the corner !