what did the pilgrim say to the pilgrim?
what.
you have no face. just a live fish.
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An old farmer is dying and is on his deathbed, puts an ad in the paper stating, "Old Farmer Dying, can have farm, land and money, if you marry my daughter"
Young city guy sees the ad, "Most farm girls are hot! Why not!"
Goes talks with farmer agrees to marry the farmer's daughter. Shes called into the room, the first time the city boy sees her. And too his shock she's not HOT in fact ... Full text

Question:what would u do of the condoms if u had sex 365 daysof a year?
answer:make it a tyre and call it goodyear. Full text

why do blondes have vaginas
so a guy will talk to them Full text

A model was snogging her boyfriend when suddenly a bee flew into her vagina the actress started screaming so the boyfriend called her doctor over. The doctor came 5 minutes later he told the actress to get into her four poster bed and told her boyfriend to go and get some honey so the boyfriend gave the doctor some honey. The boyfriend waited outside. After about 10 minutes the boyfriend ... Full text

There are 3 friends walking on a beach.
They see a hot chick in a skimpy bikini.
2 of the friends stop to stare but the other friend runs away.
The next day they are walking on the same beach as yesterday.
They see the same girl again, now she is topless.
2 friends stop to stare but the same friend runs away.
The next day they are walking on the same beach as ... Full text

Whats good about fingering a gypsy when she has her periods?
You get your palm read for nothing! Full text

There was a mother and daughter walking down the street one day, and they saw two dogs doing it. The daughter was like, "Mommy, what is them two dogs doing?" "They are making donuts baby lets go." So that night the mother and father did it on the couch. When they were finished they went upstairs and the daughter came down and saw something on the couch. So the next morning while the mother was ... Full text

A little girl walks into her parents' bathroom and notices for the First time, her father's nakedness.
Immediately, she is curious: he has equipment that she doesn't have. She asks, "What are those round things hanging there, daddy?"
Proudly, he replies, "Those, sweetheart, are God's Apples of Life.
Without them we wouldn't be here."
Puzzled, she seeks her mommy out and tells ... Full text

this poop face walked into a bar and said i hate myself. Then the bartender asked whys that? the man replied...i have an extremely small penis. then the bartender says well my penis is so big i could cut it in half and we could split it and have large penises. then the man says k bye!!!!!!!!!!!!
if it is not funny the first time try saying it in different accents Full text

A student said "dam, it smells like tuna fish", another student replied with "Stephanie close your legs" Full text

The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to think of a way to rekindle it.
One night he came from work, and found his wife asleep in bed.
He thought to himself, "what should I do?"
"Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down on his wife.
Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure.
After a few minutes, her body spasmed ... Full text

One day a young teenager was in his room jacking off when his father came into the room and caught him. He said "son I dont want to ever catch you doing that again, that will cause babies.
The next day the teenager was so bothered that he could not stand it, so he went behind the house to relieve himself, as he did, he shot his load on the ground and covered it with a rock. The next day he ... Full text

why are queers happy that they have nutsacks? because they use them as mudflaps Full text

what is 12 inches long and white?
nothing Full text

Pinocchio was fed up with the recent complaints from his wife. "Every time we make love, I get splinters."
So, Pinocchio went back to his maker, Gipetto the Carpenter, for advice. "Sandpaper," said the carpenter, "that's what you need." So, Pinocchio took the sandpaper home. A few weeks later, the carpenter bumped into Pinocchio again.
"How are you getting along with the girls ... Full text

You know your womans too fat when...
(1)She insists the bed to be on the floor (no pegs)
(2)You can only come up with 1 sex position.
(3)If you gatta sleep on the floor.
(4)When she gets on her knees,she falls over.
(5)When she lays on her back...And she's even taller.
You know your womans too ugly when...
(1)You gatta watch porn before you have sex.
(2)She's ... Full text

Zeek walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what's fucking?" His father asks, "Boy, how old are you?" Zeek says, " I am 9." His father says, " Well, I guess your about that age, but it's easier to show you than explain it to you. So, stop by our room later on and mom and I will show you." Later that evening, Zeek knocks on the door. Dad says, "Honey, today Zeek asked me what fucking was so ... Full text

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.
One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".
The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a ... Full text

1. Eating Mexican food is not the cause of gonorrhea.
2. There is no need for dice in role playing.
3. Intercourse doesn't happen on a highway.
4. If you engage in oral sex first, it's not called a head start.
5. If she says she's into "bondage," don't show her your financial portfolio.
6. You can lie down during a one-night stand.
7. When a woman talks about waiting ... Full text

A husband, wife and their seven-year-old son walk into an ice-cream shop. The dad says "I'll have a chocolate cone, and my wife here will have a vanilla."
He then slaps his son on the back of the head and says: "What do you want, fat-head?"
The lady behind the counter, shocked, says, "Why did you call him that?"
"I'll tell you why," says the dad. "There's really only three things a ... Full text

LOVE......................when your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST.......................when your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE............when your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.
LOVE......................when intercourse is called making love.
LUST.......................all other times.
MARRIAGE............what's ... Full text

This woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you ... Full text

once a man and his wife went in london underground .they went through a tunnel and on sound came aahh!!!.the man shouted who pressed my wife's boobs press again i want to take fingerprints. Full text

This boy was at his girlfriend's house celebrating her birthday. Afterwards, the boy was taking a shower when the girl came up and asked, " Can I get in the shower with you?" The boy replied, "NO!" Then the girl said, "Pleeease. It's my birthday." "Well, ok. But don't look down," said the boy. The girl got in and looked down. She said," What's THAT?" " That is Mr. Pisser," replied the boy. So, ... Full text

There are these two women, and they are discussing the boyfriends they've had in the last year. One girl says "The last 3 boyfriends I've had, I've named after soda pops. The first one i called 7up, because he had 7 inches and he knew how to keep it up. The second one i called mountain dew, because when it came to mounting he knew what to do. The third i called Jack Daniels." Then the other ... Full text

Theres a guy and 2 girls trapt in a Volcano, the girls have the ability to fly. So one of the girls flys to the top of the valcano and hits her and and falls down. she goes to the guy and askes "how do we get out of here?" He replys "suck my dick and ill tell you" so she sucks his dick and then he hits her on the head and she falls in the lava and dies. the other girl flies to the top of the ... Full text

one day sexy girls went to god and asked him"why did you make the boys penis so ugly".the god said because it is ugly you fuck it if it was beautiful you would go wild and eat it. Full text

Mother F**ker
Amber, A 16 year old cathlic girl goes to confession.
Amber: I called a boy a mother fucker last night.
Priest: Why did you do that?
Amber: He kissed me.
The priest bent over and kissed her.
Priest: like that?
Amber: yes.
Priest: Is that why you called him a mother fucker?
Amber: No, then he grabbed me butt.
The priest grabbed her ... Full text

Yo mama's so fat she uses a space shuttle as a vibrator. Full text