Good Jokes

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and methodically says, in a deep and powerful bass voice, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch private, 3-pound left testicle, 3-pound right testicle...Turner Brown."
??????????
The diminutive white man faints immediately and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you, man?"
????????????
In a weak, trembling voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me, sir?"
The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd ...   Full text

One day, A little boy walked in the bathroom as him mom was taking a
shower and asked "Can I come in?" She said "Sure, just dont look down or
up" Of course, he looked down and said, "Whats that?" His mom said
"Ummmm......Thats my ummm..... thats my garage" Then he looked up and
"What are those things mommy?" She said "Those? Well, those are my....
ummmm..... my headlights." He said "Oh, ok!" And he got out of the shower.
The next day, he walked in the bathroom as his dad was taking and shower
and said, "Can I come in?" He said "Sure honey, just dont look down"
He climbed in and ofcourse, he looked down. He said "Whats that?"
His Dad said, "Well ...   Full text

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be ...   Full text

Pardon for my poor English. A man had a huge strong dick but for some personal reason he decides for a sex change, he sees a doctor and the doctor agrees. In the operation theatre the doctor completes the operation but for some reason puts the mans dick in a drawer. Few hours later the doctor takes the upper skin out from the dick, goes to a leather shop and SELLS IT (^_^) The guy at the leather shop makes a nice wallet from the skin and hangs out on his showcase. Short while later a nice young girl comes and asks how much is that wallet ? The guy replies its $200 madam ! ! ! WHAT ?? says the girl. A small wallet for $200 ?? The guy at the shop says TOUCH IT AND IT WILL TURN INTO ...   Full text

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."
"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to ...   Full text

There was this guy who was about to go on a date so he took his last condum out but the wind had blown it out the window. Since it was his last one he went outside to get it. When he got to it a little boy had it in his hand. The guy says "hey kid can i have that lollypop" and the kid says no its mine i found it" and the guy says " I`LL give you 5 dollars" and the kid says no its mine i found it'" so the guy said" ill give u $5 and a pack a lolly pops for that lolly pop" and the kid said ok. L8ter that day the boy says to his mom " mommy look i have $5 and a whole pack of lolly pops" and the mom asks "where did you get that" and the kid replies " some guy gave it to me if i gave hime ...   Full text

Nike> Just do it.
Toyota> Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi> You got the right one, baby.
Pringles> Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos> The freshmaker.
A Pack of Flintstones Vitamins> Ten million strong and growing.
Secret> Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman.
Macintosh> It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Ford> The best never rest.
Chevy> Like a rock.
Dial> Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto> Cause hey - you never know.
California Lotto> Who's next?
Avis> Trying harder than ever.
KFC> Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola> Always the Real Thing.
Lays> ...   Full text

Buck's best friend Eddie made a house call one Sunday afternoon and upon hearing that Buck wasn't home , he attempted to make small talk with the lady .
" Lucy , when you and Buck make love , and he's goin down on you , have you ever pissed right on his face ? "
" What !! Are you fucking kidding me Ed ? " Lois replied , " That's disgusting , absolutely not !!!
Eddie replies " Well he let's me !!!!! "

sex is like a resturant,
some times u get good service, sometimes u get bad services, some times no service, but most the time u should be happy with self service

2 little kids at school are argueing about whos parents are better
"my dad is stronger that yours!" "no my dad is stronger!" "well my dad can lift his truck!" "well my dad can lift my house!" "well my mom is better than yours" "yhea thats what my dad says too"

Sean Connery was interviewed by Donahue, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kylie said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand." Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. ...   Full text

one day 3 nuns were driving in a car when the car spun out of control crashing and killing all of them. they went up to heaven and as they were waiting outside the gates into heaven st. peter appeared. "before i let you in you all have to answer 1 question for me" he said. he turns to the first nun and says "who were the two first people on the earth created by god?" the nun responded by saying "adam and eve". st. peter acccepted her answer and let her into heaven. he then turns to the second nun and says " where did adam and eve live ". the nun responded by saying " the garden of eden ". st. peter accepted this answer as well and let this nun into heaven he then turns to the last nun ...   Full text

A man comes home late at night drunk as a skunk,he goes to bed and straight away starts getting horny with his wife but she tells him to go to sleep.
In the morning he goes into the kitchen and his wife has one of his socks in the frying pan.He asks her what she is doing and she says she is doing what he wanted her to do last night-------cookin his sock!

Q: When is a man most intellagent,before,after or during sex?
A: during sex cuz hes plugged up to the knowledge source=:)

Sex is like math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!

A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty ...   Full text

A woman walks into a bar, and guy says, "Can I buy you a drink."
"Sure," said the woman. After a few moments of conversing she finally asked, "So what’s your occupation?" He says "I’m a
Carpenter." ...."To what extent of carpentry do you work?" asked the woman. The man states: "Well, I actually work exstensively with Wood."
"1st, I get you Hammered."
"next, I Nail You"
"then, I Screw all your friends."

Whats the difference between spittig and swallowing?
About forty pounds of pressure on the back of the neck.

sex is like a misdameanor, the more i miss it, da meaner i get

A nun walks into a doctor's office and asks to see the doctor. The doctor finally enters the examining room and asks her what's wrong. She says,"Doc, I've got some bad ithcing... down there." "Let me take a look the doctor says." He goes down, stands up, and leaves the room. Ten minutes later he comes back into the room. "Sister, I've got some bad news... You've got crabs." Outraged, the nun says, "That's impossible! I'm 85 years old! I've never seen a naked man in my life!" "Well, maybe you should get a second opinion." The doctor suggests. So the next day the nun goes to another doctors office. The same thing happened. He went down to take a look, stood up and left the room. Ten ...   Full text

Two elderly men were talking about Viagra. One had never heard of it and asked the other what it was for."It's the greatest invention ever," he said. "It makes you feel like a man of 30." "Can you get it over the counter?" "Probably if you took two."
A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before sex. The man collected his prescription and went home to wait for his wife to get in from work. An hour before she was due home, he took the Viagra pill. But just as he was expecting her, she phoned to say that she wouldn't be in for another two and a half hours. In a panic, he phoned the doctor. "What should I do?" he asked. "I've taken the pill but the ...   Full text

HICKERY DICKERY DOC THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO I DUMPED MY GOO AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK. Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, jack got high unzipped his fly and then they had a little fun, jill forgot to take the pill and now they have a son. Jack be nimble jack be quick jack jump over the candlestick, if jacks so nimble and jacks so quick why is he in the hospital with a lil burnt dick.

What's the defenition of a bastard?
A man who fucks his wife all night with his three inch dick and kisses her goodbye in the morning with his ten inch tongue.

A guy sticks his location,
In a girl’s destinstion,
To increase the population,
For the next generation.
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?

How do you know if you have a high sperm count ?
If she has to chew before she can swallow.

How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?...Phone her!
hahaha now that is some funny shit !!

Q-Why did god give woman 2 sets of lips? A-So they can piss & moan at ths same time!

An old man is sitting at a bus stop, when a teenage boy with a multi-colored mohawk sits down. The old man just stares at the boys hair, finally the boy says "what haven't you ever done anything wild or crazy"? The old man replied "yes, years ago i screwed a peacock and was just wondering if your my son"?

Q: What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it

TO girls:
I'm good at math:add a bed,subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!
I aint no Fred Flintstone, but i'll make your bed rock!
Suck my dick, theres a future in it.
(Go up to a girl and check the tag at the back of the shirt, when she asks what you are doing say) Yep, made in heaven!
Beavis and Butthead form of pick ups:
Hey Baby, come over here, huh, huh, huh I said come.
Anytime pick up:
(Wave a girl down using the finger motion come here, when she comes, say) I made you come with 1 finger, imagine what I can do with 2!!