A convict was released from prison after serving five years. His first stop after leaving the prison was a bar, where his main objective was getting laid. After having a few drinks, he approaches a pretty young woman. He proceeds to ask her out. She says no. Desperate, he says, "Alright this is the deal, I have been in jail for five years and I am dying to have sex." "I will pay you $100 ... Full text

Q: how many players does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: just two, but damned if I know how they'll fit in a lightbulb! Full text

One day, a man wakes up with a red ring around his penis. He can't
figure out what it is, so he goes to the doctor. The doctor hands him a
tube of cream.
"Here. Put this on and the ring'll be gone within the hour," the doctor said.
The man drove home, put it on, and sure enough, the ring was gone
within the hour.
But then the next day, he woke up and the ring was ... Full text

A man goes to the doctor suffering from premature ejaculation.
' Can you do anything to help me,doc ? ' said the man.
' No, but I can give you the address of a woman who has a short attention span, ' replied the doctor. Full text

What do you call a blonde under a deer?
All you can eat for under a buck. Full text

What did the prostitute shout to the man running past??
Your a fast fucker!! Full text

a guy walks into a truck stop after traveling for days. he goes up and asks the guy at the counter...."hey, are there any good women in this town to screw?"...the guy said "no....but we have wong the china-man in the back if you want him.....i dont go for that shit said the guy....a few hours later he goes back up to the guy at the counter and asks again....."are you sure there isnt any women ... Full text

Did you hear about the German bi-sexaul?
She went down on her Hans and neice. Full text

This little boy lived in a bad neighborhood, and there was a whore house right next to his. His mother would make him walk to the store, but he had to pass by the whore house. Every time that he went by, the same whore would stick her head out the window and say "Hi little by," and hold up her little pinky finger. Finally the boy said, "What the hell, why do you always hold up your little ... Full text

Q: Why did god give black men big dicks?
A: Because he felt bad for putting pubic hair on their head Full text

There were two guys hanging out one guy says "Hey man i know this
chick who can suck your dick and sing at the same time" the other guy was shocked all he could say was "Yeah ok" "No really she can i have her card right here you should give it a shot its only $5" so the guy said what the hell its only five dollars so he calls up this girl and she meets him at a local motel when they get ... Full text

a five year old boy asks his dad, "what's fucking mean?" the dad says "well i think that your old enough to know now" so he calls his wife into the room and says to the kid, "Do you see that hole on mom?" and begins to fuck her. the little boys older brother walks into the room and asks what is going on. the boy says to his brother he's teaching me what fucking is. the big brother says, "well ... Full text

A nun is sat on a bus and sat in front of her is this slaphead that is eating a bag of prawns and he keeps spitting the heads off the prawns onto the floor
so the nun keeps picking them up and throwing them out of the window in the end she gets fed up of it and
presses the Emergancy Stop button
So the slaphead turns round and says
"You can get a ?50 fine for pressing that ... Full text

Two elderly residents were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing
home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what
you're wanting; for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that
rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice ... Full text

If the first pilgrims hunted a cat insted of turkey would we all be eating pussy for thankgiving?? Full text

A Son walks into the living room and sits down next to his Dad. After a few minutes Dad notices that his Son has the biggest grin on his face, curious Dad asks "Whats with the huge smile son?", his Son replied "Well Dad, last nite I had my first ever blowjob!!!". Proudly his Dad turns to him, pats him on the back, and says "Go on son, tell me all about it.", "Well Dad, I was on my knees and ... Full text

Somebody posted a lame version of this joke. Here is how it is suppose to go:
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," statement but followed it up with several remarks to the other astronauts and Mission Control.
Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the ... Full text

What is it that's in the air, that gets women pregnant?
Their feet. Full text

What's another name for any sexually transmitted disease (STD)?
An "INFUCTION." Full text

What do you call a prostitute who invested her earnings in opening her own bordello?
An entreprenwhore. Full text

THIS JOKE IS CINDA HARD TO GET BUT FOUCIS MY NAME IS ME YOUR NAME IS YOU WERE ON AN ISLAND
AND WERE BOTH THIRSTY AND WE COME ACROSS SOME WATER BUT IS JUST ENOGH FOR ONE PERSON TO DRINK HOW'S GOING TO DRINK IT ME OR (YOU) WE ARE HUNGRY WE COME ACROSS SOME FOOD HOWS'S GOING TO EAT IT ME OR( YOU) THEM WE COME ACROSS A NEEDLE AND THRED HOW'S ASS IS GOING TO GET STICHED (ME) OR YOU SO WE COME ... Full text

What 4 animals do you see after having sex?
2 tired asses, 1 wet pussy and 1 dead cock. Full text

My First Time
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just her and I
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine
I don't know how but I tried my best
To put my hands upon her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
As she slowly spread her legs apart
And then I did it I felt no shame
All at once some milky ... Full text

Q: How are bungee jumping and having sex with a prostitute similar?
A: If the rubber breaks, you're fucked! Full text

How long does it take a woman to have a orgasm?
Who cares! Full text

Theres a black rooster standing ontop of a fence.
How many eyes does it have? *u answer 2*
How many legs does it have?*u answer 2*
How many wings does it have? *u answer 2*
How many beaks is there? *U answer 1*
Okay, there is a white cat under it.
How many hairs does it have? *u answer i dont know*
So your telling me..you know more about a black cock than a white ... Full text

What do you call a queer in a wheelchair? Roll-Aides. Full text

there where 3 black woman washing their clothes in the missisipi river the first lady wanders up to the second lady and says **hay there midi......midi whaddya coll yer ole man?** the second lady replies **why ah coll my ole man bigggg ballllls cos he gotta the biggest balls this side of the missisipi riva!!** the third lady comes over to join in on the conversation and she's asked by the ... Full text

Q: What did jeffery dahmer say to lorana bobbit?
A: Are you gonna eat that? Full text

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women ... Full text