I am a killer,I kill people for money.....But because you are my friend,I'll kill you for nothing! Full text

How would you like your egg for breakfast.... hard-boiled or impregnated? Full text

Hello, this is GOD. I make few bad creations but you are the worst monster I ever realised. My apologies on behalf of the whole world.. Full text

Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now..... sorry I will leave, I can't find a brain. Full text

HALLO, this is your mobile. There is no particular problem. I just wanted to leave your pocket, want the smell is unbearable!!! Full text

God created the universe, the earth, nature, the eggs, man and saw that it was good and beautiful. God also created woman and thought : 'I hope she will make herself up!' Full text

God created the earth, God created the woods, God created you too, but yes, even God makes mistakes! Full text

For you I would go as far as the end of the world. Do you promise to stay here ? Full text

Excessive use of alcohol can lead to a pregnancy. Full text

E man pays $.2,00 for a $.1,00 item that he needs, a woman pays $.1,00 for $.2,00 item that she does not need. Full text

Don't feel sad, don't feel glue, Einstein was ugly too ! Full text

Do not disturb, I am enough disturbed as it is . . . Full text

Did I not see you yesterday at the mall, with a grey jacket? No? O, than it was a rubbish bag after all! . Full text

Braindetector activated, calibrating, now searching.........still searching......get a good grip of your mobile....still searching.......no brains found. Full text

Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!! Full text

BEEB! Send this message to 5 of your friends and you will have unbelieveble sex tonight! If you break this chain, you'll never have multiple orgasm again! Full text

Be nice to the ones who smoke.. every cigarette migh be their last. Full text

Be friendly with your kids, they choose your home when you are old! Full text

At this moment i have a dejavu and a loss of memory at the same time. I thin I have forgotten this before. Full text

Are these your eyes, I found them between my brests! Full text

A woman likes to have four animals in the house: a jaguar in front of the doorway, a fox in the closet, a bull in bed, and a numbskulll to pay for this all. Full text

20% of the population is now drinking coffee, 60% is having sex, 19% is watching television and one yokel is now holding his mobile in his hand Full text

Lost in his own back yard?

One day a police panda car pulled up to Granny's home and Grampy got out. The constable explained that this elderly gentlemen had said he was lost in the Victoria park.

'Why, Ivor, 'said Granny, 'You've been going there for over 30 years! How on earth could you say you had got lost?'

Leaning close to Granny so the police officer ... Full text

Ageing Aunt Mildred was a 93-year-old woman who was particularly despondent over the recent death of her husband. She decided that she would just kill herself and join him in death. Thinking that it would be best to get it over with quickly, she took out his old Army pistol and made the decision to shoot herself in the heart, since it was badly broken in the first place. Not wanting to miss ... Full text

A driver meets Pope Benedict XVI at the airport.
After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo, (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb.
"Excuse me, Your Holiness," says the driver. "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at ... Full text

Keep 'Em Dry

One day a man and woman were standing outside the nursing home casually having a drink and a smoke. After being outside for a while it started to rain on them. Suddenly, the man took out a condom, cut off the tip, and slipped it over his cigarette.
The lady asked, "What's that for?" He replied, "It's to keep my cigarette dry when I'm outside smoking and it ... Full text

Life Is Soooooo Boring

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.
The thin one leaned over and said, "Life is so darned boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $5.00, I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show!"
"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $5.00 ... Full text

An elderly couple was attending a church service, about halfway through she leans over and says, " I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid." Full text

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went
straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother
and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her
grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on
Sunday morning."

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people ... Full text

An 80-year old man goes to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor is amazed
at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great
physical condition?"

I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape.
I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways."

Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that ... Full text