Good Jokes

THIS JOKE IS CINDA HARD TO GET BUT FOUCIS MY NAME IS ME YOUR NAME IS YOU WERE ON AN ISLAND
AND WERE BOTH THIRSTY AND WE COME ACROSS SOME WATER BUT IS JUST ENOGH FOR ONE PERSON TO DRINK HOW'S GOING TO DRINK IT ME OR (YOU) WE ARE HUNGRY WE COME ACROSS SOME FOOD HOWS'S GOING TO EAT IT ME OR( YOU) THEM WE COME ACROSS A NEEDLE AND THRED HOW'S ASS IS GOING TO GET STICHED (ME) OR YOU SO WE COME TO THIS GAY BAR HOW'S GOING TO GET BANGED IN THEY ASS ME OR YOU WELL IT AINT ME MY ASS IS STICHED

What 4 animals do you see after having sex?
2 tired asses, 1 wet pussy and 1 dead cock.

My First Time
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just her and I
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine
I don't know how but I tried my best
To put my hands upon her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
As she slowly spread her legs apart
And then I did it I felt no shame
All at once some milky white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
Milking a cow.

Q: How are bungee jumping and having sex with a prostitute similar?
A: If the rubber breaks, you're fucked!

How long does it take a woman to have a orgasm?
Who cares!

Theres a black rooster standing ontop of a fence.
How many eyes does it have? *u answer 2*
How many legs does it have?*u answer 2*
How many wings does it have? *u answer 2*
How many beaks is there? *U answer 1*
Okay, there is a white cat under it.
How many hairs does it have? *u answer i dont know*
So your telling me..you know more about a black cock than a white pussy?

What do you call a queer in a wheelchair? Roll-Aides.

there where 3 black woman washing their clothes in the missisipi river the first lady wanders up to the second lady and says **hay there midi......midi whaddya coll yer ole man?** the second lady replies **why ah coll my ole man bigggg ballllls cos he gotta the biggest balls this side of the missisipi riva!!** the third lady comes over to join in on the conversation and she's asked by the other two **hay there midi.....midi whaddya call yer ole man?** **why ah call ma ole man biggg diccck cos he got the biggest dick this side of the missisipi river!!** finally the second two ladies ask the first lady **why midi...... midi you havn't told us what you call your ole man.... and she ...   Full text

Q: What did jeffery dahmer say to lorana bobbit?
A: Are you gonna eat that?

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

A young but well smoothed girl got married.
She was worried enough for the first night - as she was to show her husband that she was still a virgin. As per plan, she filled a small tin box with red colored liquid - so when his member will get in, she will pore over at her right place. In this way, he will think that because of her first time, she got blooded and he is that lucky guy to have a VIRGIN.
At last, that moment reached. Husband was on the half way when she secretly did her job of red colour and started murmuring as if had heavy pain. Husband became happy with her cry - of course he thought he got a brand new stuff.
Within no time, he began to cry in loud voice than ...   Full text

A guy lost his third leg in an accident.
Top surgens of the country managed to install baby elephant's trunk at the place instead, as an experiment. Operation happens to be sucessful.
He was instructed to report back to hospital after a month's time to tell the performance of the new tool.
After the patient lived with the trunk for few days, he found all functions working well. But only one action was very much disturbing - he told doctors, that as per trunk's old habbit, whatever it come across on the way - it is collecting, rolling in the shape of a ball AND putting that stuff into elephant's mouth.
( some body sent me a comment on my previous joke - is english your ...   Full text

Three women were all pregnant at the same time so they all carpooled to their first doctor's appointment. On the way there one woman said, " I was on bottom during sex so I will have a boy". The second one said, "Well, I was on top during sex so I will have a girl". The third girl started to cry and said, " Oh my goodness, I'm having Puppies".

Chocolate is better than sex because:
You can GET chocolate
BUYING chocolate is legal
Chocolate won't mind if you bite the nuts too hard
Two people of the same sex can have chocolate with each other without being called "gay"
You're never too young or too old for chocolate.

A guy went to the doctor to improve his sexual performance. The clinic was in the 4th floor & he took the elevator. The doctor gave him 3 viagra-like tablets & asked him to use it one at a time.
while he got in to the elevator, he saw a nice looking girl inside & immediately wanted to test the tablet. He had one & couldn't control himself. he stopped the elevator & fucked the girl & finished her off. the girl left the elevator in the 3rd floor, crying. to his luck, an amazing lady in her mid-30's got into the elevator. Again, he took the 2nd tablet & finished her too. she left the elevator in the 2nd floor, crying.
He really was a lucky bastard - again, an old woman ...   Full text

Whats the difference between pussy and parsely?
no one ever eats parsely.
How are they the same?
you have to buy dinner to get either one

Whats the difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on the taxman?
After you get caught the tax man still wants to screw you!

What is red with seven small dents in it? Snow White's Cherry!

Is it okay to give head to a midget?
Only if you're nuts over her.

Cinderella wants to go to the ball more than anything.(you know the story) So all the sudden the fairy God mother appears and says she will make it so cinderella can go to the ball. The fairy god mother says to Cinderella "the only thing is you have to be back home by midnight or i will turn your pussy into a pumpkin!" So cinderella agrees and goes to the ball, she is having a great time and loses track of time. Before she knows it, its after midnight. The fairy god mother appears and says "cinderella i told you what would happen if you werent back my midnight....so POOOOOOF! all the sudden cinderellas pussy turns into a pumpkin.....The fairy god mother turns to cinderellas date ...   Full text

yo mama so stupid she called me 2 gat my phone number
yo mama so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone
yo mama so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see hwo long she slept
yo mama so stupid when she got locked in a matress store she slept on the floor
yo mama so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund
yo mama so stupid so stole free bread yo mama so stupit she sits on the t.v and watches the sofa yo mama so stupid when her dad said it was chilly outside she ran out wit a spoon
yo mama so stupid when she got locked in a grocery store she stavred

******* yo mama so ugly she made an onion cry *******
******* yo mama so ugly when she was young her ma put steak around her neck just so the dogs would play wit her********
******* yo mama so ugly they pushed her face into dough to make gorilla cokies*******
******* yo mama so nasty i poured salt water down here pants to keep the craps freash*******
******* yo mama so poor she can't even afford to pay attention*******
******* yo mama so dirty she as 2 wipe her feet before she goes outside*******
******* yo mama so old when she went 2 skol there was no history*******

yo mama soooo fat the titanik sunk and yo mama floated!

yo mama is so fat that when she jumped in the grandcanyon she got stuck

your mamas so ugly that she gives freddy kruedar nightmares

yo momma so stanky, she has sourdough yeast infections

Ya moms so fat, that it take two buses, a train, and a damn it taxi to get on the fat bitch good side.

Your mamas like pool table, she takes any coloured balls
Whats the difference between your mama and a psp? they both get turned on by little boys
Your mamas like a bubble gum machine 10c per blow.
Your mamas got more chins that in the chinese phonebook.

your mamas so ugly that she makes milk sour.

ya mama is so poor i saw her in the cinema kicking a can and i said wat r u doing and she replied im moving