Good Jokes

why was the blondes belly button red?
cuz blonde guys are stupid too!!
HAHA

How do u kill a blonde? Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool!

Q:whats a blondes favorite nurse rhym
A:humpme dumpme

i once knew a blonde so dumb that when she was on her way to the airport it said
airport left
so she turned around and went home

i once knew a blonde so dumb
that when she went to bed she took a ruler to see how long she slept

How can you tell that a blonde's been having a bad day?
Her tampon's behind her ear and she can't find her pencil.

Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side

A cop 1 day saw a blonde swirving all over the road. He pulled her over and asked "Mam why are u swirving all over the road?" The blonde said "Well sir its this tree in front of my car no matter what I do its always in front of me!" The cop said to the blonde "Lady thats your air freshener!!!"

A blonde goes to the hairdressers with her walkman on. When it gets to her turn the hairdresser says "can you take your walkman off please" and she replies "oh no i can never take it off, just cut around it" so she does. A couple of weeks later she is back again the hairdresser asks to take her walkman off and she gets the same answer. When she is having her hair cut she falls asleep and the hairdresser sneaks her walkman off.When she has finished she tries to wake the blonde but she is dead.She picks up the walkman and it is saying "breathe in,breathe out!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all work in the same office building, and everyday they have lunch together down the road at a cafe. On one occassion they are coming back to work and they see a small puddle of white-ish liquid on the foyer floor. The redhead exclaims "oh that LOOKS like semen!" and they all agree. The brunette leans down and smells it and exclaims "And it SMELLS like semen". The blonde leans down and licks it and then thinks thoughtfully "Well at least we know its none of the guys in our office building!!"

Whats the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A rooster says "cock-a-doodle-do" and a blonde says "any cock i'll do"
Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
When you slap the mosquito it stops sucking.

There was a blonde who was completely broke and couldn't pay her bills. So one day she decided that she was going to kidnap a child and hold the kid ransom for $10,000.
So the blonde goes to the park, finds a boy, takes him behind a big oak tree, writes on a peice of paper.......

I'm holding your son ransom for $10,000. Leave it behind the big oak tree at 7A.M. tomm orrow morning.
Signed the blonde
So she tells the boy to go straight home. The next morning she goes to find the $10,000 behind the oak tree with a note ...   Full text

What is more stupid than a brunette building a house under the sea?
A blonde trying to burn it down!

A blonde, red head and a brunette get lost in the desert and they find a magic lamp. The Genie within gives three wishes, a wish each. the brunette wishes to go home and she gets her wish. the red head also wants to go home and she gets her wish. Then the blonde has her wish, and she wishes to have her friends back.

Why are there so many blonde jokes?
Cuz blondes arent smart enough to make brunette ones!
n ps this isnt to offend neone .. its just to say that brunettes arent stupid either and that there are just as many brunette jokes as there are blonde jokes ... only that ppl lyk blonde jokes better cuz there funnier!

This blonde walks into a store grabs a tv and asks the sales assistant "can i please have this tv" the sales assistant replys "sorry we don't sell to blondes".
the next day the blonde dyes her hair brown and asks again"can i please have this tv" and once again the sales assistant replys "sorry we don't sell to blondes".
the next day she dyes it red and asks again"can i please have this tv" and once again the sales assistant replys "sorry we don't sell to blondes". then she asks "how do you know i'm blonde?" the sales assistant replys "because thats a microwave"

3 Men were working 1,000 ft. in the air. A Mexican man, a Irish man, and a Blond. They sat down at lunch time
The Mexican man opened his lunch pail, finding tacos. He cursed and said " If my wife puts tacos in my lunch again tomorrow i will jump off this building."
The Irish man opened his lunch pail, finding irish stew. He cursed and said " Crap, if my wife packs irish stew in my lunch tomorrow, I am going to jump off the building with you."
The Blond opened his lunch pail, finding peanut butter and jelly. He shook his head saying, " I am with the two of you. If I have peanut butter and jelly tomorrow, I am going to jump too."
The next day sure enough the mexican ...   Full text

whats a blonde with pigtails? a blowjob with handlebars.

A young blonde lady on a long haul flight is trying to get to sleep. But the young man sitting next to her asks if she wants to play a game to help pass the time away. No matter how polite she is, he keeps on pestering. In order to please him, and hopefully shut him up, she agrees. He says, ???It's a question and answer game. You ask me a question and if I don't know the answer I give you ?100. I then ask you a question but if you don't know the answer you only have to give me ?10.'
???OK,' says the blonde, ???you go first.' The young man thinks and says, ???What is the distance from Earth to the moon?' The blonde immediately says, ???I don't know,' and puts her hand into her ...   Full text

There was this guy and he had a girlfriend. Yes, she was a blonde. He decided to take her to the football game. Afterwards, he asked he did she like the game. She replied, " It was okay, but why was they fighting over a quarter".? The boyfriend was like wat do you mean. And she said well, the ref through a quarter in the air and then they started to hit and tackle each other over the stupid quarter.
There was 3 girls. Blonde, brunette, and red head. They was running from the police so they went into a barn. The brunette hid wear she saw a cat. The red head hid wear the dog was. And the blonde hid in a potatoe sack. When the police came, they kicked wear the brunette was and ...   Full text

Q: What do you tell a blonde with two black eyes?
A: NOTHING!!! Because you've already told her twice!

a blonde women is getting picked on by people by saying that he can't so anything right
so the blonde gets pissed off and says "RIGHT thats it im gonna make a website for myself and advertise that i can do oddjobs"
2 days later she checks her site and see's a reply saying there is a job for her
the next day she arrives and the guy says "hi i'd like you to paint my porch please and heres the keys to the garage and the paints are in there and if you need us i will be in the backyard "
4 hours later she comes to the backgarden and says "i've finished painting and i had some extra time on my hands so i added an extra coat of paint on " and guy replies "SPLENDED heres your ...   Full text

What is the similarity between a blonde and the Bermuda Triangle?
They both swallowed a lot of seamen.

The postman goes 2 the first house and a lady answers the door and wishes him luck because it is his last day and gives him a box of chocolates
The postman goes 2 the second house and a guy answers the door, wishes him good luck and gives him 10 dollars
The postman goes 2 the third house and a sexy blonde chick opens up the door, takes him up stairs and he has the best sex he'z ever had in his life.
Afterwards they come down stairs and she makes him a coffee with 5 dollars sitting underneath it.
The postman says to the blonde, "what is the 5 dollars for?"
The blonde replys, "i asked my boyfriend wat 2 give u and he said, "fuck him, give him 5 bucks!""

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: When u slap a mosquito, it stops sucking.

A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies ...   Full text

A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" he replied. The blonde said "How about $50.00 ?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. ...   Full text

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a bitch called back."

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in ...   Full text