What do u call a blonde doing a handstand?
A brunette Full text

There was a picky rich man who like to receive head. But his wife hated to give head. So the man went into town and went up to a whore and asked her, "Can you suck my dick and sing the Star Spangled Banner at the same time? It must be a clear voice, not hummed. "The whore said sure and he took her to a hotel room and turned out the light.
She started to suck him and then she started ... Full text

THERE ONCE WAS A GIRL NAMED JESSICA WHO WENT TO THE STORE TO BUY PICKLES .WHENSHE GOT TO THE STORE SHE WENT TO THE PICKLE AILE WHEN SHE WALKED IN SHE SEEN A STRANGE MAN SHE WALKED TO HIM AND SAID WAT R U DOING HERE? HE SAID WAITNG TO TELL YOU SOMETHING I KNOW U HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR.SHE REPLIED WAT ? IF U REALLY WANT SOMETHING SLIMY AND BUMPY MEET ME OUTSIDE
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What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
He Wiped his ass!!! Full text

Q. why are old women so quiet on the toilet?
A. cause thier lips hang in the water Full text

Guy gets outta jail has ten bux in his pocket and the clothes on his back. couple years in the slammer makes for a really long time without sex. He decides to go get him some at the nearest whorehouse - Asked the lady "what can I get for 10 bux"? Lady gives him a slightly dirty look but smiles soon after and says "up the stairs 3rd door on the right" she takes the 10 bux and he makes his way ... Full text

A business man comes up on a hotel...the only one for miles its late and he has too wake up early so he stops and goes in the hotel and says do u have any rooms available? the clerk says no. the man replies you have no rooms at all? then the clerk says we have one room but theres 3 very bad doors in the room so we dont let anybody stay in it. after swearing he will not mess with the doors the ... Full text

A man walks into a bordello / hooker bar in New Orleans and says to the madam of the house "I would like to see Madelyn." The madam says "Madelyn is our most expensive woman at a $1000 a night." The guy says "No problem!" and lays down $1000 in cash. Madelyn comes downstairs, they both go back upstairs, they screw around and the man leaves. The next night, the man shows up and requests ... Full text

Q) What's worse than shoving 5 oysters up an 80 year old pussy?
A) Sucking them out and finding 6.
Q) What's worse than sucking out an unexpected oyster from an 80 year old pussy?
A) The burp. Full text

Q: What do you call a Black man flying a plane?
A: A Pilot you fucking racist! Full text

one day three sister were at home and there mom said there boyfriens could spend the night ,that night there mom was walking threw the hallway and in the first daughter's room she heard crying,in the second daughters room she heard laughing and in the third daughter room she didn't here anything the next day after there boyfriends left the mother asked the first daughter why she was crying she ... Full text

There was a mother sitting at home with her 3 children. Her first daughter comes up to her and says "mommy, why did you name me petal?" Mother replies "because when you were born a petal fell on your head???
Her second daughter comes up to their mother and says ???mommy, why did you name me leaf???? Mother replies ???because when you were born a leaf fell on your head???
Then the ... Full text

How many animals live up a girls pants?
2 Calfs
100 Hairs
A pussy
And a tuna fish that you can never find Full text

A man was concerned about his failing eyesight and went into the opticians.The optician said the man should stop masturbating.The man asked,' will I go blind?'
The optician said 'No, but you are upsetting all the people in the waiting room.' Full text

Q.) What does a hooker and a bungee chord have in commen?
A.) Their both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks you're dead. Full text

Two cowboys are riding along a dirt road and one sees a pile of shit. So the first cowboy says to the second cowboy i'll bet you $1000 u cant eat that whole pile of shit. So the second cowboy agrees and so he eats all the shit and gets the money ...then along the way they see another pile of shit...so the first cowboy says how bout double or nothing, lets bet $1000 that I can eat this pile of ... Full text

Q: What are two skunks called 69ing?
A: Odor eaters Full text

Q. What doesn't belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.
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What is the first thing to come out of a penis when you kiss It?
The Wrinkles Full text

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry hun; I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"


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A rich lonely widow decided that she needed another
man in her life so she placed an ad, which read
something like this:
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE
...NEEDS TO HAVE THESE QUALIFICATIONS:
1) WON'T BEAT ME UP
2) WON'T RUN AWAY
3) HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For several months, her phone rang off the hook, her
doorbell was ringing ... Full text

a pirate walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink.
The bartender goes, gets hisdrink, and goes back over to give it to him
The bartender noticed something strange about him, so he looked oveer the bar to see a steeringwheel attached to the pirates zipper.
He says to the pirate," um exuse me sir, but i would like to point out that u have a steering wheel attached to your ... Full text

Do you know what tusla spelled backwards?
a slut
Do you knwo what a slut backwards is?
$100 Full text

A man decided to go to a massage parlour for the first time.When he gets there the woman is drop dead gorgeous,great big tits,nice face and an hour glass figure.Two minutes into the massage his dick is rock hard,
He asks if he can have a wank,'sure thing,' she says and leaves the room.
Five minutes later she pops her head round the door and asks him if he's finished. Full text

Puppy : Mom... How does my father look like ..?.
Mother Puppy : How do i know... he fucked me from behind . Full text

25 useless things in men body :
- 20 nails that can't hammer
- 2 nipples that can't produce milk
- 2 balls that can't bounce
- 1 Bird that can't fly. Full text

What's black and blue and doesn't like to fuck? The bitch in my trunk. Full text

Q: Why do Canadians like to do it in doggy-style?
A: So they both can watch hockey games. Full text

THIS GUY WAS WALKING DOWN A DIRT ROAD ONE DAY ,WHEN HE WALKED INTO SOME QUIK SAND.SO HE JUST STAYED STILL UNTILL SOMEONE WALKS BY THAT WOULD PULL HIM OUT,SO LIKE 2 HOURS GO BY AND ITS ALREADY UP TO HIS KNEES, AND A GUY WALKS BY ,AND THE MAN IN THE QUIK SAND SAYS HEY BUDDY CAN U PULL ME OUT IVE BIN STUCK IN THIS SHIT FOR 2 HOURS,AND THE MAN SAYS ILL PULL YOU OUT IF YOU SUCK MY DICK,AND THE DUDE ... Full text

What do you get when you cross a mexican and an octopus?
I don't know, but it sure can pick lettuce. Full text