Good Jokes

A blonde woman who has been told about blue movies, decides she will watch one.
So she goes to the video store and get's a video.
When she get's home, she insert's the video into the player, but it doesn't work.
So she rings the video store and tells the lady that it doesn't work.
The lady ask's her "what is the title of the video"
To which the blonde replies "Head Cleaner".

There was a blonde that had signed up for the WALKathon. One day she went outside to get her mail and read all the junk, bills, letters, ect. She came across a letter from the WALKathon. She opened it up and started reading. The letter wrote, "Dear, Walker." "Walker?" the blonde questioned, "My name isn't walker."

Q:how do mammals smell things
the blonde answered by it toungue

a blonde and a brunette jump off the bridge who getts to the bottom first
the brunnete because the blonde asked for directions

There is this blonde and she goes into the store and says can i buy that tv
and the lady says no we dont sale to blondes, so she leaves and then she
dies her hair brown, she goes back into the store and says can i buy that tv
and the lady said no we dont sale to blondes she said "how do you know
im a blonde". And the store lady said"Because thats not a tv its a
microwave.

What is a blonde's favorite nersury rhyme?
Humpme Dumpme

A blonde walks into a telegraph office to send an emergency telegram to her mom overseas.
The man at the counter says "That'll be $150."
The blonde says, "Oh no! I don't have that much but this is very important - I'll do Anything to send a telegram to my mom."
The man says, "Anything??"
Yes, she says.
So, he says come back here to the back room.
So she does.
Now, get on your knees.
She does.
Now, pull it out.
She does.
Now hold it in your hand.
So she does.
Now Go For It Baby!
And so she yells as loud as she can, "Hello MOM?!?!"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "hey look, bear tracks!" to which the other blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour. next morning, news headlines read:two blondes, killed by train.

this blondes boyfriend was in the drive way and the blonde came runing out and she started jumping up and down like 10 times and he said what are u so happy about and she said we are haveing a baby and he said kool and she said we are having twins and he said how do u know she said i took 2 pregency and they said that i was pregnet... lol

Why do blondes have T.G.I.F on their shoes?
Answer: Toes Go In First

A man and his wife are in the shower together when the doorbell rings. The wife puts on a robe and goes down to answer the door. In walks her husband's friend Ben. The woman tells him her husband's in the shower and asks if he can come back later. Instead, Ben steps in and quietly says, "I have $400 in my pocket. I'll give it to you if you'll open your bathrobe for me." She's offended, but really needs the money so she agrees, opens her robe, and lets Ben have a quick peek before doing it up again. Ben gives her the $400, and she opens the door for him to leave, but he says, "I have another $400 in my other pocket. I'll give it to you if you let me touch your breasts." Now she's really ...   Full text

There was a man who enjoped his sex life a lot, but sometimes had problems gettin 'it' up, so he went to see his doctor, his doctor said that to help it stay up he needed to masturbate a couple of hours before sex.
The man agreed but couldnt think of any good places, he thought of the toilets but realised he may be heard, his office, but someone may walk in.
As he was driven home he thought of the perfect place, he pulled his car onto the side of the road, got out and layed out underneath the car, pleased with the comfort and discretion he shut his eyes started to masturbate picturing his wife.
After about 10 minutes a police man came and asked him what he was doing, his ...   Full text

there was an english man who supported arsnal an scottish man who suppored hearts and and an irish man who supported Liver pool the 3 men were stuck on a desert they was really hungry when the spotted a dead camel the scottish man said i support hearts so he should eat the heart the irish man said well i support liverpool so i should eat the Liver and the english man said well i support arsnal and im not feeling very hungry any more.

one day a white guy went to jail for sexual assault. in his jailcell he saw that his cellmate was a big black man. the black guy went up to the white guy and said, "hey. to get to know each other lets play house. u wanna be the mommy or the daddy?" the white guy thought about it for a while and said "i'll be the dad" so the black guy said "then come over here and suck mommy's dick"

One morning while making breakfast, a husband walked up to his wife, pinched her butt, and said, "If you firmed this up, we could get rid of your control-top pantyhose.???
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she kept silent.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her breasts and said, ???You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid of your bra.???
This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and grabbed him by his privates.
With a death grip in place, she said, ???You know, if you formed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the postman, the pool man, and your brother!???

A girl walked in the doctors room for an appointment. The male doctor told her to unzipper her jacket to see her boobs. She unzippered her jacket and her boobs were as big as footballs! The doctor ran over and started to fuck her. He took off her mini skirt and licked her pussy until cum came out. Then the doctor put his hand in her pussy. She screamed. The male doctor put his dick in her pussy and fucked her. Then put it in her mouth. He sprayed her. When the appointment was all over she asked if he wanted to go home with her. He said yes. She nude walked home with her pussy contamined with his dick and told her husband see this. This is how you do it. The doctor got all mad and turned ...   Full text

Once, a man was going away on buisness, and his wife liked a good sex now and then. So the man, just to be sure his wife would be honest, stopped by a porn shop to look for a penis sex toy. He sees a variety, but none that his wife will enjoy. When he asks the clerk, he smiles and goes down to the basement. He returns with an old hindi box. "Now this," the clerk said, "Is a voodoo penis. Watch this. Voodoo penis, the keyhole." So the penis begins to fuck the keyhole in and out. "Voodoo penis, cease." it stops. The man buys it and quickly goes home to tell his wife. he explains everythign and is on his way. his wife says "Voodoo penis, my pussy." so it fucks her. this goes on for hours ...   Full text

It was early in the afternoon and a man was loitering in front of a bar called Lacy's Legs. A police officer walks up to the man and asks him "what are you doing?" and the man replied, "I'm waiting for Lacy's Legs to open so I can get a drink."

what is the difference between an apple pie and a pussy?
You can eat your mum's apple pie

A man feeling rather down in the dumps after splitting up with his girl-friend goes and sees his mate. His mate has sympathy for him and says, "you can borrow my Girl-friend, she's very frisky." The other man Replies "wow Really?!" then his mate says "oh by the way she can sing while giving a blow-job BUT you have to turn out the light"
Later that night she turns out the light and starts giving him a blowjob and he hears singing in a wonderful voice. the next day he goes to his mate "How the hell does she do tthat?" and his mate replys "ok you can have her again tonight but while she's giving you a blowjob turn on the light"
That night she turns out the light and starts giving ...   Full text

what does a rubix cube and a dick have in comin
the more you play with them the harder it gets

one day there wuz a little girl and a little boy at the park with their pants pulled down. the little girl asked the little boy wat iz that and the little boy said i dont know.then the little boy asked the little girl the same thing and she said she didnt know. so that night the little girl asked her mom and her mom said thats ur garage dont let ne big trucks go in. then at the little boys house the little boy asked his dad and his dad said thats ur big truck dont park it in ne garage. the next day the boy and the girl had thier pants pulled down again and the girl went home with blood on her hands.her mom screamed and asked y she had blood on her hands and the girl said this boy tried ...   Full text

Q:what does a kodak camera and a condom have in common?
A:They both capture the moment.

One day in a small hotel, three poor male freinds see a beautiful model check in. Out of amazment, the model walks over to the three and says, "I am extremely bored. How about i let you each one of you have sex with me, and who ever gives me it the best ill give fifty bucks to." The three poor guys immediatly agree.
The first guy goes in and has there go. Comes back but the model is not satified at all. Guy number 2 goes for it, but comes back to no avail. The third guy desides that if his friends couldnt do it. he needed an advantage. So he desided to use a carrot. The model and him go in and before she can notice he tosses the carrot out the window. The model is very pleased with ...   Full text

there was a smart guy and a stupid guy. the smart guy gave the stupid guy poetry on his date that read; between your eyes your beauty lies and makes currie dry. the stupid guy walked up to his date and said, "between your thighs your pussy lies and makes the hair on my dickie rise"

what not to say during sex:
i'm hungry
i need to go to the bathroom
i'm sleepy
i'm bored
your sister(or brother) wasn't this good
your mother(or father) wasn't this good
wow the whore i had last week wasn't this good
where does it go
damn STDs
i need another beer, i lost my fantasy of you being hot
can we make it a double bagger
when we're done make me a sandwitch
get off of me
did you shower yet

Jan's hormones are outta control - the doc tells her that to correct the balance, he's putting her on men's testerone temporarily & he'll bring her in to monitor her progress. As luck would have it, the doc's mother turns seriously ill & he leaves town several weeks to be with her.
The doc returns & brings Jan in for an examination. He's alarmed when he sees she's sporting a beard - but controls himself. He tells her " Jan, please remove your blouse." she does & he sees thick, chest hair.
The doc can't contain himself " HOLY SHIT " he exclaims, " I'm immediatly cutting off your medication - you have more chest hair than me! " Jan scratches her hairy chin, puts a hairy ...   Full text

Q: Why did the LIttle girl put fish in her pocket?
A: Because she wanted to smell like the big Girls!

What did one tampon say to the other tampon?
nothing, they're stuck up bitches

A girl goes to a doctor for a check-up. It's a routine exam, therefore, she takes of her shirt. When her shirt is off, the doctor sees a large "P" on her chest. The doctor says, "What the hell happend to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacket during sex. The check-up is done and the girl leaves.
The Next day, another girl goes tot he doctor for a checkup, she takes off her shirt and on her chest, is the letter "L". Yet again the doctor says, "What the hell happend to you?" The Girl replies "Well, my boyfriend goes to college, and he is so proud of himself, that he wears his letterman jacketwhen we ...   Full text