What's grey and comes in quarts? An elephant Full text

So a blonde and a brunette walk into a bar. As they are sitting down, the brunette notices a guy checkin out the blonde. So the brunette decides to go and talk to this guy. She walks up to him and says,
"hey, i see you've been checkin out my friend. You know, the blonde sitting over there. She's pretty isn't she?"
the guy responds,
"oh man, she's just gorgeous, absolutely ... Full text

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone had written the word 'penis' in tiny letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class.
The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis' again on the black board. Again, she looked around in vain for ... Full text

When someone asks what your looking for when it comes to women- just say a pizza. Something I can eat everday and not get tired of it. Full text

What do you get when you cross a rooster and a 50 foot telephone poll?
A 50 foot cock that wants to reach out and touch somebody. Full text

theres this flea, that just hates his life. one day he gos to the flea master and says to him, i am miserable,will you please put me somewhere where i am happy.the flea master thinks and says, ihave somwhere i can put you. i will put you up on a horses hind,youll really love it there. so the master puts the flea up on the hind of the horse. the next day the flea calls the master again and says ... Full text

Back in the 1800's a farmer and his daughter head into the market to sell that years crop so they can survive the winter. So they go to town and sell everything, they had plenty of money to make it all winter. On the way back, the father notices a pack of bandits behind them. He breaks down because he knows that they are going to take all of the money, so the daughter say QUICK DAD GIVE ME THE ... Full text

What do you get when you stick an M-80, twelve sticks of dynamite, and a nuclear warhead up a cow's butt?
A big mess! Full text

There was a Priest and a Nun crossing the desert on a camel one day when a terrible sand storm came. It lasted for 6 hours and when it finally cleared they were horrified to see their camel was dead. They had no food or water and the situation looked hopelss. The Priest turned to the Nun and said "Sister, seeing as we are going to die out here, can you grant me one wish?"
The Nun said "Yes ... Full text

Did you hear about the 3 gays who abducted the blonde and took her to the forest?
2 held her down, while the other did her hair. Full text

There was a guy in his sports car speeding across a bridge when there was the blue and red flash of a Police car. Fuck, thought the man as he pulled over to where the cop was on the other side of the bridge. "Licence and registration please sir." said the cop coming up the window. The guy gave him his licence and waited. "So Mr Jones, what is it you do for a living?" perused the cop. "Well" ... Full text

What's long and thin, covered in skin, red in parts, and goes in tarts? ... Full text

What's brown and crawls up your leg??
A homesick turd!!!!!! Full text

how many jews does it take to change a light bulb..
six million Full text

(( let me the first to say this i didn't write this joke, i read it somewhere and i though u all would love it))
one on bright sunshiney day, mr lion and miss zebra where fucking on top of a hill.They were totally going at it full tilt i mean mr lion had miss zebra from behind and was fucking her brains out when mr lion noticed miss lion coming up the side of the hill trying to catch him ... Full text

Why did the cannibal have indigestion after eating the priest?
'Cause it's hard to keep a good man down. Full text

A mother and father took their son to a nudist beach. Once they got there, their son goes out to the water to play. A few minutes later he comes back and tells his mom that he saw a woman with much bigger boobs then her. The mom replies "The bigger they are the dumber they are" and the kid gose back out to play. He comes back and says "i saw a man with a bigger dong then daddy's," the mom ... Full text

A young cowboy has been sitting in this bar for an hour or so staring at a beautiful woman when he finally gets up enough nerve to approach her. He sits down beside her and blurts out, "M'aam, I think you're beautiful and I'd really like to take you home with me tonight." Instead of getting mad she says, "Fine, I'll go home with you but only on one condition. You must first out rhyme me." She ... Full text

There was a lady who was unhappy with her boobs, she wanted bigger ones. She went to Dr. Smith and he told her, "After you wake up in the morning, rub your boobs and say Scoobie Doobie Doobies, I Want Bigger Boobies!" And you'll have bigger boobs in no time. The woman does this for about a month, and she is so impressed, she has lovely D cups now! One day, on her way to work on the bus, she ... Full text

what does paris hilton and a sunken battleship have in common?
they are both a waste of semen. Full text

if a gay guy was to jump on your back would you beat him off Full text

Recently, they've been conducting a test to see if it's true that dogs take after their owners. They take 3 dogs from 3 different people with completely different lifestyles. The first dog comes from a doctor. They put the dog in the room with a pile of loose bones. The dog makes a skeleton out of the bones, "oh his owner must be a doctor!" the people say. The second dog comes from an ... Full text

THERE WAS A GUY PLAYING CARDS WITH HIS FRIENDS AND HIS FRIENDS HOUSE WHEN HE DROPS HIS CARD UNDER THE TABLE AND BEDS TO PICK IT UP LOOKING UP HE SEE'S HIS FRIENDS WIFES PUSSY AND IS SHOCKED OF SUCH A THING A JUMPS UP GASPING EXCUSES EVERYONE AND RUNS INTO THE KITCHEN FOR A BEER. SOON HIS FRIENDS WIFE WALKS IN BEHIND HIM AND ASKS IF HE "LIKE WHAT HE SEEN" THE GUY TOLD HER "YES" AND SHE SAID IF ... Full text

THERE IS AN AMISH LADY DRIVING HER BUGGY WHEN A COP STOPS HER AND TELLS HET THAT HER HEADLIGHT IS OUT, AND BEFORE HE LETS HER GO, HE ALSO ADDS THAT ONE OF HER REINS IS WRAPPED AROUND THE HORSES NUT. WELL WHEN SHE GETS HOME SHE TELLS HER HUSBENT THAT THE COP STOPPED HER. "WHAT HE SAY" THE HUSBEND ASKS... " WELL HE SAID THAT ONE OF THE HEADLIGHTS IS OUT"... AND AS THE HUSBEND WAS JUST WALKING ... Full text

there was this really fat guy that wanted to lose weight but no matter what diet he tried, nothing worked.. well one day, as he was reading the paper, he saw an ad that said LOSE AS MUCH WEIGHT AS YOU WANT FOR ONLY $1 A POUND. he gets excited and calls the number provided and tells them he wants to lose 10 pounds. well they tell him that they will send a representitive over to his house the ... Full text

...WHATS THAT WHITE STUFF FOUND ON WOMENS PANTY'S.................. .( klitty litter )..... Full text

A farmer met a poet at the pub and they got talking. The poet was in town to make poems about farm life. The farmer offers to let him stay with him and his daughter so he can get a few ideas of the country life. Three months later the poet leaves town quickly. The farmer is confused but thinks no more of it till a couple of days later his daughter comes and tells him she is pregnant, and that ... Full text

How do you know if a fruit cake died?
There’s a 21 "GUN" salute outside of the gay bar Full text

what did the white guy say to black guy? .......................nothing it was the 1930's Full text

Q. Whats the little bumps around a womans nipples for ?
A. Braille for suck me Full text