Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. "Does anyone know what this is?" She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sure, my daddy has two of them!" "Two of them?!" the teacher asked. "Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy's teeth!"
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This guy was walking down the street and he bumped into a really hot girl.
"Hello, sexy!" He said while stopping in front of her "What's your name?"
She didn't answer.
"Well, my name is Barry"
"Okay" she said "Barry what?"
"I can't really pronounce it, so I'll write it down"
So he wrote it down.
She read allowed, "Madickenewe. Barry Madickinewe."
She ... Full text

Abu Abed (AA) and Abu Steif (AS) were sitting in a coffee house....
AA: why do you have this look upon your face AS?

AS: my wife is sick and I don't know what should I do to her...
AA: tell me...

AS: i took her to the doctor today and he said that she might have a memory lack (very forgetful) or she could have AIDs... please help me AA how could I possibly know ... Full text

after 10 children a wife has a small operation on her vaginia to tighten it and have some removed.after the op she wakes up to find 3 red roses on her bed.she says to nurse what are they for she says the first is from the doctor the op was a complete sucsess.the second is from your husband he cant wait to get you home for a great active sex life the same as when you were teenagers.and the wife ... Full text

what the differnce between a roster and a hore the answer is a roster say cock a dodul do and a hore say any cock will do Full text

A middle aged guy and his teenage daughter were riding a motor bike and taking a shortcut through a darkened park when they were stopped by a gang of muggers.
They searched them and took the guy's wallet, his watch and the motorbike but couldn't find any jewelry from the girl.
When the muggers had gone, the guy asked his daughter; "Did they take your new diamond ring as well ... Full text

Two guys John and Eddie were fishing by the banks of a lake. John was catching fish after fish but Eddie was not even getting a nibble.
Finally exasperated, Eddie asked John, "Hey, how come you're getting so many fish and I'm not getting anything? What am I doing wrong?"
"What are you using for bait?" Asked John.
"Just regular bait, worms." Replied Eddie.
"Man, fish don't eat ... Full text

Just after World War 2, a reporter was interviewing the head nun of a monastery in Italy regarding her experiences during the war.
"Oh it was terrible, terrible." She cried, "First the Italians raped us all except sister Matilda. Then the Germans raped us all except sister Matilda and then the Americans raped us all except sister Matilda."
"Oh I'm so sorry, it must be very difficult ... Full text

What are the three wonders of women ? They produce milk without grazing, Bleed for seven days a mounth without dying and bury a bone deeper than a dog without getting thier nose dirty. Full text

A teacher asks a pupil which part of the body goes to heaven 1st, the pupil replies legs miss i've seen my mum with her legs in the air sreaming GOD IM FUCKING CUMING!!! Full text

A recently widowed Jewish lady, was sitting on a beach towel at Cocoa Beach, Florida. She looked up and noticed that a man her age had walked up, placed his blanket on the sand nearby and began reading a book.
Smiling, she attempted to strike up a conversation with him. "Hello, sir, how are you?"
"Fine, thank you," he responded, and turned back to his book.
"I love the beach. Do ... Full text

An old man in the nursing home got a bottle of wine for his birthday. He talked the old lady in the next room into sharing it with him.
After they were both totally bombed, he started groping the old lady and pulling at her clothes. He managed to get her blouse and bra off before she stopped him.
She said, "I can't do this, I have acute angina".
The old guy says "God, I hope so, ... Full text

There was this geriatric woman who thought she needed some toughening to cope with today's world, and decided to join a gang. She rocked up to the Hell's Angels bikers club and tapped on the door. "Excuse me, sirs, I'd like to join your club if you please" she croaked in her feeble voice. A grunt came from inside, "Ha! You got no chance, woman. We only take the toughest into our club. You can ... Full text

Melbourne Zoo in Australia had acquired a female gorilla of a very rare species. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle.
Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The gorilla was in heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management ... Full text

Q: How does Paris Hilton blow kisses?
A: She Queefs Full text

Jack, a loyal Christian, met a girl and fell in love with her. He thought that she was a virgin and decided to marry her. However the girl was not a virgin, and knowing that Jack will change his mind if he finds out, she asked her mother for advise.
Mother: Do not worry dear, just buy a little fire cracker and put it into your pussy, when you do it for the first time, light it up, and ... Full text

Two doctors meet at a bar during a major medical conference, one male and one female. They both talk and one thing leads to another and both doctors were in a hotel room. Before undressing the female doctor washed her hands, after sex with the male doctor she washed her hands again. The Male doctor says "Let me guess, you're a surgeon." The female doctors asks "How'd you know?" The guy goes ... Full text

Jimmy goes to see his computer genius friend Charlie, in his office. The first thing he notices is a really sexy looking secretary who leads him into Charlie's room. Charlie is busy working on his computer.
"Hey Charlie, how ya doin' my man?" He says, "When did you hire your new secretary? She's hot."
"Oh I didn't hire her, I actually develped her." replies Charlie, still working on ... Full text

A Lebanese guy named Elias walks into a pharmacy and asks for a box of tissue papers. The pharmacist comes out and gives him a huge box of tissue papers. Elias says I do not want this huge box I only want a small one. The pharmacist says that is all right it is for the same price take it as it is subsidised by Hariri (a former lebanese prime minister assasinated in 2005). So Elias takes it and ... Full text

a couple was having money problems... they were sitting down at the table eating supper, when the wife said... "I know... you could stop buying 3 24's of beer every week"... the husband says... "no no I can't do that, but what about you.... you spend like one hundred dollars on makeup a month you could give that up".... she says, "but dear... that's to make me look pretty". The husband looks ... Full text

Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell's gate, he meets Satan. Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be given the choice of who he will REPLACE forever in Hell.
Three doors appear before Clinton. The first door opens. Behind the door is Jeffrey Dahmer. He's being worked over with a blow torch. Upon seeing Jeff in this predicament, Clinton cringes and ... Full text

A guy gets onto an elevator and begins to ride down to the lobby of his building. Half way down the elevator stops and a beautiful woman gets on. After a few seconds the man leans over and asks the lady, "Excuse me, but can I smell your pussy?" "No!", rages the woman. "Oh" replies the man, "It must be your feet." Full text

An old lady dies and goes to heaven and is chatting to St Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful blood-curdling screams.
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "it's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable as St. Peter explains how Heaven works. Ten minutes later, there ... Full text

why don;t women fart??
they don;t keep their mouth shut long enough to build up enough pressure!!!!!1 Full text

A travelling salesman stops at a small village to spend the night. There's only one hotel run by a middle aged couple. The guy is at the front desk and his wife is in the back room doing the books.
The salesman thows a hundred dollar bill on the coutner and says, "Give me a clean room and a bottle of Whiskey."
"There you are sir," replies the hotel owner as he hands him the key, "Your ... Full text

Jack went to see his doctor complaining that he can't perform sex with his wife anymore and he needs help.
D: this is your lucky day I just received a new medication in the form of an injection guaranteed to get it up. There is only one small problem, it lasts for only on hour and it is expensive so you better call your wife and check that she's home.
Jack: she has to be home where ... Full text

You know those types of girls that are butt-ugly but the only thing that they have going for them are a set of big tits? there it is.
God was feeling a bit worn out, after all creating the entire universe and earth is a big task so he decided he would turn over the task of creating a NEW batch of humans to an apprentice. The apprentice wasn't that bright so God left simple instructions, ... Full text

Donald Duck walked into a drugstore and asked for a packet of condoms.
"Certainly, sir," said the lady behind the counter. "Shall I put them on your bill?"
"No way!" replied Donald Duck. "What do you think I am, a dickhead?"
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What's the definition of agony?
Sliding down a 20 foot razor blade, using your balls as brakes. Full text

Tickety Tickety tock a girl was suckin my cock. When the clock struck 2 I dropped my gue and dropped her off on the next block. Full text