A woman walks into the doctor's office for a mammogram.
The Doctor says: "Take off your shirt and sit on the table."
The woman takes off her shirt and the Doctor notices an H is imprinted into her chest. When he asks her about it the woman says: "My husband went to Harvard, and when we have sex he likes to wear his jacket. After so many years of marriage, it just kinda stayed." ... Full text

Tell your girlfriend to bend over and touch her toes.
then tell her to spell run 3 times. hope you like it. Full text

God created man with a brain and a penis..but the problem is he only gave us enough blood to run one at a time. Full text

who was the first carpenter?
Eve. she made adams banana stand. Full text

Why did the walrus go to the tupperware party?? ....He was lookin for a tight seal! Full text

Can you believe after all that shit who finally got back together? Who? My ass cheeks. Full text

What is tulsa spelled backwords?
what is aslut turned backwords?
haha 100 dollars Full text

If you helped Jack on the horse, would you help Jack off the horse? Full text

you are in a car at a constant speed. on your left is a fire engine travellin at the same speedas you. in front of you is a gallopig pig the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level also doin the same speed as you. how do you get out of this dangerous situation?..... ANSWER...........get the fuck off the kids merry go round you ... Full text

We've had some fun times 2gether. Remember when we were drivin and i stuck my ass out of the window and you stuck your head out and people thought we were twins? Full text

One day a priest and a nun where traveling thro the desert on a camel and suddenly the camel falls over dead, and after hours of contemplating they realize that there is no hope for survival, so the priest says to the nun "since were gonna die anyway can i ask for one favor," the nun replies "sure" and he says "i have never felt a womans breasts may i please touch yours?" the nun agrees and ... Full text

so a straight man... who deperately needs a drinking... runs into the nearest bar he can find... sadly he did not realize that it was a gay bar... he went up to the bartendor and asked him for a drink ... the bartendor replied not until you tell me the name of your dick... "THE NAME OF MY DICK!!!"... the guy exclaimed... he turned to the guy sitting next to him and ask
...whats the name of ... Full text

Does anyone raise chickens?....Cause I need someone to raise my cock Full text

What is the difference between Congress and the Library of Congress? In the Library of Congress, you can't lick the pages. Full text

Hearts and roses and kisses galore...
What the hell is all that shit for?
People get mushy and start acting queer,
It's definitely the most annoying day of the year.
This day needs to get the hell over with and pass,
Before i shove a dozen roses up Cupid's ass!
I'll spend the day so drunk i can't speak,
And wear all black for the rest of the week.
Guys act all ... Full text

What does a 9 volt battery and a woman's asshole have in common?
You know it's wrong, but eventually you put your tongue on it. Full text

what's worse than a cardboard box? paper tits Full text

Why dont you add me, minus your friends, divide your legs and multiply. Full text

Three nuns die and go to heaven each nun has to answer a 1 question before she can get through the pearly gates, so the first nun steps up and is asked who was the first man on earth? she says, Adam, lights come on bells go off she walks through the pearly gates. The second nun steps up and is asked who was the first woman on earth? she says, Eve, lights come on bells go off she walks through ... Full text

there is a husbin and wife ,the live on a farm....and they are laying in bed....the husbin rolls over and grabs the wife by the tits and says if you could get milk out of these we could get rid of the cows..then he grabs her by the pussy and says if you could get eggs out of this we could get rid of the chickens ...then the wife grabs him by the cock and says if you could get this up ...i ... Full text

How is a liberal different from a puppy?
A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
(Sorry if I offended anyone.) Full text

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me ???Tony Blair.??? Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her ???Gordon Brown.??? We take care of your needs, so we'll call you ???the ... Full text

A man dies and goes to heaven. once he gets there, he sees peter standing there with millions of clocks behind him. The man says, what are all those clocks for? peter says, those are lie clocks. Every time you tell a lie it turns once. look. here's your's it's turned 7 times. here's abe linkin's clock. it's never turned. The man says, well where's doltin maginty's clock? peter replies, oh! ... Full text

Q: Why did Jhon Kerry cross the road
A: because he couldnt get his dick out of the chicken Full text

Q:What do you get when you put 50 gov. workers and 50 lesbians in the same room?
A:100 people who don't do dick. Full text

Weather Service has issued a warning for yet another catastrophic hurricane folowing the heels of Ivan and Jeanne. The path of this hurricane zigs and zags and is therefore highly unpredictable. Experts predict that this one will cause the most damage to the United States that we have ever experienced in four years. They are naming this one Hurricane KERRY. Be advised that the only way for ... Full text

what do monica lewinski and a vending machne have in common?
the sign sayin insert bill here Full text

did you hear?. not a single lesbian voted for Kerry. They all love bush. Full text

While the cop was smoking weed with the government and congress members, what did he do when he saw a person smoking (doing what he wanted)
shot him to get weed for the president Full text

President George W. Bush and John Kerry accidentally wound up at the same barbershop at the same time while stopping for a little touch up while campaigning. As they sat in adjacent chairs, worked on by different barbers, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers each finished their haircuts, the one working ... Full text