Good Jokes

How is a liberal different from a puppy?
A puppy stops whining after it grows up.
(Sorry if I offended anyone.)

Son: Dad, I have to do a special report for school. Can I ask you a question?
Father: Sure, son. What's the question?
Son: What is politics?
Father: Well, let's take our home for example. I am the wage earner, so let's call me ???Tony Blair.??? Your mother is the administrator of money, so we'll call her ???Gordon Brown.??? We take care of your needs, so we'll call you ???the People.??? We'll call the maid ???the Working Class,??? and your baby brother we can call ???the Future.??? Do you understand, son?
Son: I'm not really sure, Dad. I'll have to think about it.
That night, awakened by his baby brother's crying, the boy went to see what was wrong. Discovering ...   Full text

A man dies and goes to heaven. once he gets there, he sees peter standing there with millions of clocks behind him. The man says, what are all those clocks for? peter says, those are lie clocks. Every time you tell a lie it turns once. look. here's your's it's turned 7 times. here's abe linkin's clock. it's never turned. The man says, well where's doltin maginty's clock? peter replies, oh! it's in jesus's office. he's using it as a ceiling fan.

Q: Why did Jhon Kerry cross the road
A: because he couldnt get his dick out of the chicken

Q:What do you get when you put 50 gov. workers and 50 lesbians in the same room?
A:100 people who don't do dick.

Weather Service has issued a warning for yet another catastrophic hurricane folowing the heels of Ivan and Jeanne. The path of this hurricane zigs and zags and is therefore highly unpredictable. Experts predict that this one will cause the most damage to the United States that we have ever experienced in four years. They are naming this one Hurricane KERRY. Be advised that the only way for citizens to protect themselfs is by hiding behind a BUSH. And the only way from protecting yourself from the BURNING BUSH is by going to the hurricane and canceling the water with fire and fire with water. (Hurricane KERRY survives but not the BUSH)

what do monica lewinski and a vending machne have in common?
the sign sayin insert bill here

did you hear?. not a single lesbian voted for Kerry. They all love bush.

While the cop was smoking weed with the government and congress members, what did he do when he saw a person smoking (doing what he wanted)
shot him to get weed for the president

President George W. Bush and John Kerry accidentally wound up at the same barbershop at the same time while stopping for a little touch up while campaigning. As they sat in adjacent chairs, worked on by different barbers, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers each finished their haircuts, the one working on Kerry reached for some scented hair tonic to splash on, but Kerry quickly held up his hand smiled, and said, "No thanks, Johnny! My wife, Teresa will smell that and think I've been gallivanting in a whorehouse!" Everyone in his entourage laughed. The other barber turned to Bush and said, "I ...   Full text

Question: Which is the power behind the pakistani tank???????
Answer: The two men, who are pushing the tank.

UHH!!! The Johns have been FLUSHED.

Why are bull sperm and politicians the same?
In each case, only one in a thousand works!

why does america love john kerry so much ? because it's like loving a retarded baby!

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They usually argue before they screw things up

what do you get if you put 50 polititions and 50 lesbians in the same room...?
100 people who dont do dick!!!!

We go to filed. He say Bush sing like canary. I say No he sing as Bulfog!

POLITICS:
POLI=many
TICS=bloodsuckers

Q:what did the bush fan say to the kerry fan
A:well i'd rather have a dick and a bush rether than two johns that are full of shit.

Me and a few of my friends were walking down the hall, 2 Demoncrats and moi, a republican. They began insulting my political views so in a sorry attempt to defend myself i said
"Bill Cliniton was a horrible president and he was a democrat! Democrats suck!"
My friends chuckled at this poor defense, but simply responded, "No, no...Democrats don't suck, they get sucked!" We all laughed at this. True story, no lie.
*WARNING IF YOU DON"T GET THE JOKE*...Bill Clinton was a Democratic president...He was impeached on the account that he had "sexual relations" "oral sex" with Monica Lewiskie in the Oval Office. Thus the sucking... -_-

errr the police have found/seen olsama bin laden shaggin sheep but the jury let him off because they wernt his lambs

FBI announced that Roosvelt probably was not totally sane in Jalta.
That's nothing new - it's a long tradition of American presidents - the last one is quite insane all the time...

Q: What is 14 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole.
A: Ward Churchill's tie

One sunny morning, a priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain?"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before ...   Full text

A Democrat and a Republican go camping in the Iron Range of Minnesota. They put their tent down along with the Republican's hunting knife, fishing knife, hunting rifle, and fishfrying pan, and along with the Democrat's portable DVD player with Farenheit 9/11 and they sleep.
All of a sudden, before they knew it a wolf eats the Republican and the Democrat alive. In heaven, they see god.
God says "Since one of my creatures ate you before they gave you a chance to escape, I somehow feel responseable for this death. So how about this. Ii'll put you back on earth, and i'll get the wolf to come after you again, but this time you'll be awake. If you don't at least try to ...   Full text

Janet Reno is living proof that Bigfoot exists, and had at least one offspring.

How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3. One to screw in the light bulb and 2 to protest the nuclear power plant that lit that light bulb.

When John Kerry called president Bush to concede the election, he did ask that as a provision of the concession that he be allowed to receive a Purple Heart medal for injuries received in the ass whipping.

Just being a Democrat is a big enough joke.

Yesterday I was just sitting at work arguing with a coworker about the war in iraq, he was giveing me some of the most preposterous money numbers about the war such as $200 billion dumbfound at what i had heard i asked what was his source, he straight faced said michaelmoore.com............................ all that i could say was "john im sorry but you are one that sanity was never given to" as i walked away he tried to defend by saying that Republicans are "just dumb" I quieted him down with a small serman about who is in the white house and how that great man saved the united states after 911, freed two countries, captured Saddam, has Osama on the run, and will save social security. ...   Full text