Good Jokes

There was a blonde who was so dumb that she
a) locked herself in a restroom and wet her pants
b) got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
c) tripped over a cordless phone
d) tried to put m & m's in alphabetical order

Question: "What did the blonde's right leg say to the blonde's left leg?"
Answer: "I don't know. They have never met."

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retreiver

A blonde and a brunette are in a car and the blonde is driving. The blonde is going 70+ mph and the speed limit is 60. The brunette says, "Be careful. A cop can pull you over if your speeding!" The blonde slows down, but only to about 65 mph. A little while later, the blonde says, "Uh-oh, there's a cop behind us." The Brunette says, "Is he after us?" The blonde says, "I don't know." The brunette says, "Are his lights on?" And the blonde repiles, "Yes...No...Yes...No..."

What is the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?
People know how many men went down on the Titanic!

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None they only screw in a bed.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the ...   Full text

How did the Blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of a tree

Two blondes walked into a building the other day...
you would have thought that at least one of them would have seen it!!

Why was the blonde's belly button sore? Because her boyfriend was a blonde as well.

Two tourists were driving through Wales.
At the little village of
Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde waitress leaned over and said, "Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."

How do you change a blonde's mind?
You blow in her ear!

Why did the blonde go up on the roof?
She was told that drinks were on the house!

A blonde and a brunette are driving in a car down a freeway.
The brunette sees a police car in the rear view mirror.
She asks the blonde to turn around and see if the police cars' lights are on.
The blonde turns around and replys "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all went into the ObGyn office together. When they met after their check-ups, the redhead was smilling, and the brunette asked her why. "I'm going to have a baby boy," the redhead replied.
"How do you know?" asked the blonde.
"Because I was on top."
This got the brunette thinking, and she smiled as well. "I'm having a girl!" she exclaimed. Again the blonde asked how she knew. "I was on bottom," said the brunette.
The blonde started bawling. "Why are you crying?" the redhead asked.
Through her tears, the blonde replied, "I'm gonna have puppies!"

A blonde walked up to a coke machine, put in a dollar, and got out a coke. She then put in another dollar, and got another coke. Again and again, she put in more and more dollars and got out more and more cokes.
As she was doing this, a man came and stood behind her. he tapped her on her shoulder, and said "What on earth are you doing?"
She replied angrily " Shut up! Cant you see im winning?!"

There were three construction workers, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. One day when they were eating lunch, the red head said, "I hope I don't get a turkey sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a turkey sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another turkey sandwich, I am going to kill myself." Then the brunette opens his lunch and says,"I hope I don't get a roast beef sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a roast beef sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another roast beef sandwich, I am going to kill myself." Then the blonde opens up his lunch and says, "I hope I don't get a cheese sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a cheese sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another cheese sandwich, I am ...   Full text

One day a blond was driving down the street. As she was going along she spotted another blond sitting in a row boat out in the middle of a field. She was so angry she slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the car and screamed at the top of her lungs, "You stupid idiot! It's dumb blonds like you that give smart blonds like me a bad name. I have half a mind to swim out there and kick your butt!"

why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheels?
they like more head room.

Two blondes and a brunette are trapped on an island. The first blonde swims from the island to the mainland. The second blonde builds a boat from palm trees and rows to the mainland. The brunette, however, uses the bridge.

There are 13 blondes and a brunette hanging on a rope off Mount Everest. The rope is about to snap until a blonde says,"One of us has to let go for the rest of us to survive! Or else we'll all die!" So the 13 blondes start arguing and start saying "you jump off!" "No you jump off!" So finally the brunette says,"Fine... I'll let go for the rest of you to live and make it up this mountain." A second later, as all the blondes are so happy, they begin to clap.

Q:How do you confuse a blonde?
A:Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in a corner.

A blonde has just gotten a new sports car. She cuts out in front of a semi, and almost causes it to drive over a cliff. The driver furiously motions for her to pull over, and she does.
The driver gets out and draws a circle and tells her to stand in it. Then he gets out his knife and cuts up her leather seats. He turns around and sees she's smiling. So he goes to his truck, takes out a baseball bat, and starts busting her windows and beating her car. He looks back to see that she's laughing.
He's really mad now, so he takes his knife and slices her tires. He turns around and she's laughing so hard, she's about to fall down. He demands, "What's so funny?"
She says, "Every ...   Full text

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell, because she's got the grenade in her mouth!

A blonde in the depths of Louisiana wanted a pair of alligator skin boots,but did not want to pay the high prices that were asked.After one particularly high priced pair,the blonde shouted "Well maybe I'll just go and kill an alligator and get a pair of shoes myself!!"
The shopkeeper replied "Go for it.Good Luck!!"
After work one day the same shopkeeper was walking along the Louisiana river when he saw the same blonde standing knee-deep in the water,shotgun in hand.As he watched a 9 foot alligator swan toward her.The blonde took aim and killed the lizard,and with a grea deal of effort,dragged it to shore.The shopkeeper watched,amazed, as the blonde pulled the alligator towards ...   Full text

One day there was a brunette on the side of the road jumping up and down saying "88! 88!"
So later that day, a blonde pulls over by the brunette and decides that it looks like fun, so they both start jumping and saying 88!
After a while, the brunette explains to the blonde that it's even more fun to jump in the middle of the road and yell out 88 so she does and gets hit by a car. The brunette then starts to say "89! 89!"

What does a blonde owl say?
What, what?

How do you kill a blonde?
Put a scratch-and-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

There was a blonde and a brunette were walking down the sidewalk. the brunette says "Hey look a dead bird." The blonde look up and says "Where,where?"

There is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they are all in grade 3. Which one is hottest?
The blonde because she is 18.