Good Jokes

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

A brunette, a red head, and a blond each got to bring one thing to the desert.The brunette brought food because she might get hungry, the red head brought water because she might get thirsty, and the blond brought a car door because if it gets hot she can roll down the window!

A blond ran into the hospital screaming. A doctor came running to her aid. To his surprise her ears were badly burnt and red.
"What happened?" he asked,
"I was ironing my shirt and the phone rang, thinking the iron was the phone I put it to my ear," she replied.
"Oh no, but what happened to your other ear?" he asked.
She frowned and replied
"The jerk rang back!"

A blonde, a brunette and a red head are sipping tea and discussing their pregnancies.
The brunette says, "My baby's going to be a boy." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The brunette says, "Because when we did it, my husband was on top."
The red head then says, "My baby's going to be a girl." The blonde asks, "How do you know?" The red head says, "Because when we did it, I was on top."
The blonde starts crying hysterically. When her friends finally calm her down, they ask her why she was crying. The blonde says, "My baby's going to be a puppy."

A blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no
lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted and the horse
immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic
pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs
for the horse's mane, but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to
throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of
the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly ignorant of its
slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, the blonde attempts to
leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her
foot ...   Full text

A group of blondes walk into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast, "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks. Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up", and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.
The bartender says, "I don't get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"
One of the blondes explains, "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years,' but we finished it in 51 days!"

When does a blonde have two brain cells?
When's she's pregnent!

What happened to the blonde coyote that got caught in a trap?
It chewed off three legs and was still stuck.

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy-efficient kind.
Yesterday, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the windows had been installed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them yet.
Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So I told him just exactly what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME last year... namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!
"Helllooooo"? (I told him). "It's been a year"
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally just hung up....
He hasn't called back, probably too ...   Full text

There was a competition to cross the English channel doing only the breaststroke, and the three women who entered the race were a brunette, a redhead and a blonde.
After approximately 14 hours, the brunette staggered up on the shore and was declared the fastest. About 40 minutes later, the redhead crawled up on the shore and was declared the second place finisher.
Nearly 4 hours after that, the blonde finally came ashore and promptly collapsed in front of the worried onlookers.
When the reporters asked why it took her so long to complete the race, she replied, "I don't want to sound like I'm a sore loser, but I think those two other girls were using their arms..."

How is a blonde like a bottle of beer?
They're both empty from the neck up.

Blonde Jokes
Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday!
Q: If a blonde and a brunette are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions!
Q : How do you really confuse a blonde?
A : Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner!
Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out!
Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn!!

A brunette goes to see the doctor. "What's the trouble?" he asks her. She tells him, "Everywhere I touch it hurts." "Show me," the doctor says. She touches her elbow and says "Ouch", she touches her knee and says "Ouch", she touches her head and says "Ouch! See Doctor! Everywhere I touch, it hurts!" The doctor says, "You're not really a brunette are you?" She says, surprised, "Why no! I'm really a blonde. Why?" He tells her, "Because your finger is broken".

Why was the blondes belly button bruised? Her boyfriend is blonde.

Why was the blonde standing in front of the mirror with her eyes closed?
She wanted to know what she looked like sleeping.

What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin and through it right back.

How do you keep a blonde at home?
Make a circular driveway

What do you call a blonde with half of a brain?
Gifted.

A man is walking along a river looking for a bridge and he sees a blonde on the other side of the river and asks her
"how do you get on to the other side?"
The blonde does not answer but looks up the river, then down the river. She then says to the man,
"You are on the other side!"

What do u call a blond with pigtails?
A blowjob with handle bars

There was a blond a brunette, and a red head that were being chased by a terrorist. And there were 3 potato bags on the floor, so each one of them went into a different potato bag. The terrorist kicked the bag which the red head was in and she said Meow. And the terrorist is like...oh just a cat...then he kicks the bag with the brunette...she goes roof roof...and the terrorist says...it's just a stupid dog. Then the terrorist kicks the bag which the blonde is in and she goes...POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a blonde, and a man from another country at a bar, and the man said, "My country was the first from space," and at that time a red head came up, she said, " My country was the first to go to the moon."
Then the blonde said," Oh yeah well I am gunna go to the sun!" The red head said, " Stupid you can't go to the sun it is too hot." Then the blonde replied, " That is why I'm going at night!"

A blonde walks into a hardware store and asks the salesman, "Can I buy that TV?"
The owner answers, "I don't sell TV's to blondes!" So the blonde dyes her hair and asks the some question, but she gets the same answer. So she shaves her head and goes back and asks again, but yet again she gets the same answer.
"How did you know I was a blonde?" she asks."
"Because," he replies, "that's a microwave oven."

Did you here about the blonde that stopped at the stop sign?
She's still there.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking to a picnic across the Mexican border. When they arrived at the border, an officer stopped them. He asked them where they were going and they told him that they were going to a picnic. The officer then asked the brunette what she was bringing to the picnic. She told him that she was bringing some wine in case they got thirsty. So the officer said that she could go, and she did. Then the officer asked the red head what she was bringing to the picnic. She said that she was bringing some food in case they got hungry. So the officer allowed her to go. Then he asked the blonde what she was bringing to the picnic. The blonde replied, "I'm ...   Full text

Why do blondes have square boobs?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has ...   Full text

How do you know if a blond has been on the computer?
There is correcting fluid all over the screen!

A blond wanted to do something smart so she decided to go to the sun.The scientist said she could not do that because she would burn and die and she said,"Duh!Thats why I'm going at night"!

Why can't a blond dial 911?? She can't find the 11.