Good Jokes

How did the blonde crash the helicopter? It was getting cold so she decided to turn off the fan.

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The blonde, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention; and figuring there will be no end to this ...   Full text

BLONDE SUICIDE
A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself ...   Full text

What do you call a dead blonde in a cupboard?
1994 hide and seek champion

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their daughters. The redhead says, ??? I was going through my daughters drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my daughter drinks.???
Then the brunette says, ??? well I was cleaning my daughters room, and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter smokes.???
Then the blonde says, ??? I was making my daughters bed, and I found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a penis.

Two blondes were hiking in the woods and came across some tracks. One blonde said that they were definitely deer tracks, but the other blonde was convinced they were bear tracks. The two continued to argue about for another half an hour. Then they were killed by a train.

She was so blonde...
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...if you gave her a penny for ...   Full text

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, ...   Full text

What do you call a blonde standing on her head naked?
A brunette with bad breath!

Whats the difference between a smart blonde and a U.F.O?
There has been sightings of U.F.O's

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't ...   Full text

A blonde walks into a department store and asks the clerk if she can buy a TV as she points toward the one she wants. The clerk replies that they don't sell those TVs to blondes. Fumed, the blonde stomps out of the store and dies her hair red. She goes back to the store and asks the clerk again and again is told the same thing. The blonde leaves again and dies her hair brown. Again the store clerk tells her that they don't sell those TVs to blondes. Hysterically, the blonde asks the clerk how he could tell that she is a blonde even with the hair color change. The clerk replies," Ma'm, that's a microwave."

A blonde was walking down a street, listening to a cassette player.
A lady asks her,
"Can I listen to that?"
The blonde says yes.
The lady puts on the headphones and listens.
"Breath in, Breath out."
"Breath in, Breath out."

Three blondes walk into a building.
You'd have thought one of them would have seen it.

Why don't blondes like convertibles?
Their feet get sunburned.

The Blonde Rancher
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last 600
dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy
the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." the
brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she
does want to buy ...   Full text

What's the first thing the blonde said when she found out she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?

Q: Did you hear about the three blondes that froze to death in the drive in movie theater?
A: They wanted to go see Closed For Winter.

Why did the blonde have bruises in and around her belly button?
Because she had a blonde boyfriend.

There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde. She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note, "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7.
The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few.
'Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Theirs were still sticking out of the ground!'

A. What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
Q. The Miss Blonde Hide and Seek Championship winner of 1980!

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet???
A: The 1938 Hide & Go Seek World Champion

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other at the bar. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, drunk and dozing, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she is a ...   Full text

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
Because they can't find the 11!

A blonde girl walks in a curtain shop and asked for a pink curtain in the size of her computer screen. The assistant answered, "But madame computers don't have curtains....
"Helllloooooo....I've got WINDOWS!"

A blonde gets a new sports car and decides to take it for a drive. She is driving along and over takes a truck. The truck signals the blonde to pull over. She asks him what's wrong and he gets a piece of chalk out of his pocket and draws a circle on the ground. He then tells her to stand in it and not move. After she does, he gets a knife out of his pocket and slashes the tyres. He turns to the blonde and shes really laughing. He then says, "if you think that's funny watch this." He pulls a baseball bat out of his truck and smashed up the brand new car. At this point the blonde is on the floor laughing her head off. Frustrated he asks her what she's laughing at. She replies "I just ...   Full text

what did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
Look daddy, baby doughnuts

One day, a blonde walks into a barber shop and asks for her hair to be cut. The barber says "Sure i'll cut it for you. But you cant have those earphones on." So the blonde tells the barber that she can not take them off and leaves.
Then, a few days later, the blonde walks into the same barber shop and asks for her hair to be cut. The barber tells her the same thing that he told her last time, so she storms out of the shop once again.
Then, for a last and final time, the blonde walks into the barber shop and asks for her hair to be cut. The barber, furious at this point, snatches her earphones off and goes into the back, to get his scisors. When he comes back, the blonde is dead ...   Full text