Good Jokes

A blind man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says, "Want to hear a really funny blond joke?" The waiter replies, "Look here, I know your blind but I have to tell you. I am blond. There are also four big men in the back of the bar. Now do you still want to tell this joke?" the blind man replies, "No! now i have to explain it five times!"

What did the doctor say to the blonde who claimed "It hurts everywhere I touch"?
"Your finger's broken"
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
Because it said "from 2-4 years" on the box.
How did the blonde burn her ear?
She was ironing and the phone rang.
How do you get a 1 armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear?
She was afraid of getting hearing AIDS.
Why did the blonde sell her car?
She needed gas money.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept trowing away the W's.
Why did the blonde bring sandpaper on her trip to the ...   Full text

Why are blonde jokes one liners?
answer: So the MEN can understand them!

What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract a man?
Her ankles.

How do you know if two blondes have been dating?
The girl has a bruised belly-button!

Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?
Because it said "Concentrate"

There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke. She sais, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachussets?"
She quickly replied, "M"

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

Q. how does a blond kill a pigeon?
A. Throws it off a cliff

A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21." A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."

What did the blondes left leg say to the right leg?
Answer: Between you and me we can make a lot of money.

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you
don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered...
"YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at
each other dumbfounded. Finally,one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all ...   Full text

There are two women at the top of a building one a brunette, the other a blonde. They both jump at the same time. Which one landed first?
The brunette, because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
Nothing. They have never met.

Question: Five blondes are facing execution: a rocket scientist, a historian, a teacher, a bimbo, and a mathematician. They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?
Answer: The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.

Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
You wave!

What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you ???
Run like hell cause she got a grenade in her hand!

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

How do you know if a blonde has been in your fridge?
There's lipstick on the cucumber!!!

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The flight attendant rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The flight attendant gets the head flight attendant who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head flight attendant doesn't know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so she goes ...   Full text

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
This baffled the ...   Full text

Did you hear about the blonde that died raking leaves.
Yeah, She fell out of the tree.

Why Did it take the blonde so long to eat her M & M 's ?
Because she was trying to put them in aphabetical order!

How do you keep a blonde busy? see below.
How do you keep a blonde busy? see above.

What do you do if a blonde throws a Grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

1.Tricycle kickstand
2.Solar flashlight
3.Fire proof matches
4.Inflatable dartboard
5.Glass hammer
6.Black light bulb
7.Boomerang grenade

One day a blonde decided to rent an erotic movie. She went to the video store and picked out an arousing title. When she got home she immediatly dimmed the lights and put the video in her VCR. However to her suprise the screen was too fuzzy to see a picture. She then called the video store to complain. The man at the store said that they were having some trouble with certain movies. "What's the title of the movie?"he asked.She replied "Head Cleaner"