Good Jokes

yo mama is fat if she had a baby no one would know

Yo mama is so fat she was hit by an 18 wheeler and she said who threw that rock

Lipstick

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip ...   Full text

Whenever Chuck Norris looks in a mirror it breaks. Because not even glass is dumb enough to stand between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

When Chuck norris steps in a puddle, he doesn't get wet. The puddle gets Chuck Norris.

You with your beautiful eyes, you with your nice hair, you with your fantastic body ... o, sorry, wrong number

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
A: Locking the car door.

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
A: They both drip when they're fucked.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod...

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade 4.

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: Because everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an F in sex.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!