One time this dude came back from camping with a huge cut on his shoulder. His friend said "How the hell did youget that?" The guy said "I had sex with a bear". His friend goes "Why the fuck would you do that?!" The guy goes "Well I was out taking a nice walk in the mountians and i was picking up some pine cones. Next thing i know some bear scratched my back with his claws". His friend looked confused. Then the guy goes "So i raped the honey eating motherfucker!" Full text

A man picks up a hooker and takes her back to his room.
she strips off all her clothes and all he does is stares at her.
" what Honey, is this the first pussy you seen since you crawled out of one? "
No, it's just the first one i've seen big enough to crawl back into ! " Full text