Adult jokes

There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke. She sais, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachussets?"
She quickly replied, "M"

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

Q. how does a blond kill a pigeon?
A. Throws it off a cliff

A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21." A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."

What did the blondes left leg say to the right leg?
Answer: Between you and me we can make a lot of money.

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you
don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered...
"YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at
each other dumbfounded. Finally,one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all ...   Full text

There are two women at the top of a building one a brunette, the other a blonde. They both jump at the same time. Which one landed first?
The brunette, because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
Nothing. They have never met.

Question: Five blondes are facing execution: a rocket scientist, a historian, a teacher, a bimbo, and a mathematician. They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?
Answer: The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.

Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
You wave!

What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you ???
Run like hell cause she got a grenade in her hand!

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

How do you know if a blonde has been in your fridge?
There's lipstick on the cucumber!!!

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The flight attendant rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The flight attendant gets the head flight attendant who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head flight attendant doesn't know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so she goes ...   Full text

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
This baffled the ...   Full text

Did you hear about the blonde that died raking leaves.
Yeah, She fell out of the tree.

Why Did it take the blonde so long to eat her M & M 's ?
Because she was trying to put them in aphabetical order!

How do you keep a blonde busy? see below.
How do you keep a blonde busy? see above.

What do you do if a blonde throws a Grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

1.Tricycle kickstand
2.Solar flashlight
3.Fire proof matches
4.Inflatable dartboard
5.Glass hammer
6.Black light bulb
7.Boomerang grenade

One day a blonde decided to rent an erotic movie. She went to the video store and picked out an arousing title. When she got home she immediatly dimmed the lights and put the video in her VCR. However to her suprise the screen was too fuzzy to see a picture. She then called the video store to complain. The man at the store said that they were having some trouble with certain movies. "What's the title of the movie?"he asked.She replied "Head Cleaner"

What is the difference between a blonde and the grand old duke of york? The grand old duke of york only had 10000 men.

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, ...   Full text

There is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they are all in the third grade.Which one has the biggest breasts? The blonde because she is 18.

THere was a blonde a burnett and a red head on top of a burning building. The firemen were standing at the bottom of the building with a sheet and they yelled to the burnett "jump and we will catch you' so she jumped and the firemen moved the sheet and she went flat on the ground. THey then said to the red head 'its your turn now jump and we'll catch you' she replied 'im not stupid i saw what you did to her' they replied 'no we just dont like red heads' so she jumped and they moved the sheet and she went splat on the ground. They then said to the blonde 'its your turn now' she said 'im not stupid i saw what you did to the other two, put the sheet down and walk away'

Q: Why does a blonde write TGIF on the inside of her shoes?
A: To remind her that Toes Go In First.

A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street the brunette says "Look at that dog with one eye!!"
So the blonde puts her hand over one eye.

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and the tuth fairy were walking down the street. There was a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Who picked it up?
The dumb blonde, the other two dont exist.