There was girl flie and 1 boy fly. They were stuck in a bottle and the girl
fly kept flying around ask how we gonna get out of here? The boy said giv me head and i will tell you she sais no! But she kept asking the same question? How we gonna get out of here? he said give me head and i will tell you. finally she gave him head and his dick went so far down her throat and killed her. How did you think the fly go out?????????
GIV ME HEAD AND I WILL TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a little boy, his parents, and the little boy's gramma living in a house together. One morning the gramma calls the little boy downstairs for breakfast. When he gets there he asks, "where are mommy and daddy?" and the gramma replies, "their still in bed." The little Boy laughs and goes out to play until he;s called by his gramma for lunch. "Where are mommy and daddy?" he asks at lunch. "Their still in bed." she replies. The little boy laughs again and goes out to play until his gramma calls him in for dinner. "Where are mommy and daddy?" the little boy asks. "Their still in bed." the gramma replies. The little boy giggles again and the gramma asks "why do you keep laughing ...   Full text

there was this couple who took their son on a campin trip and in the room there was only one bunk bed. so the couple laid on the top and when they were about to have sex they made up code words for faster and slower. faster was lettuce and slower was tomato. when the son asked what they were doin, they told him they were makin a salad. the little boy then replied well could u be more careful because your spillin salad dressing on my face

there is a doctors conference at the local hospital and many are invited. During the conference a man spots a super sexy and fit female sitting with the rest of the people at the conference. After the conference he goes up to her and asks do you want to go out for a drink. "Yes please" she said. Before they settle down for the drink the woman says "I must wash my Hands". So she goes and washes her hands and she comes back and they drink their drink. Next they go for a meal. Before they eat the woman says "I must go and wash my hands". So she washes her hands and she comes back and they have their meal. When they return home they realise they are really turned on by each other and they ...   Full text

Whats the difference between a coffin and a condom?
One u go in the other u come in!

One day, little jonny asked his mum what sex was.
"tonight, go in2 ur sisters room n hide behind the curtain and watch what she does with her boyfriend"
The next morning she asks jonny what happned.
Little jonny expalined "well at first, they were just kinda talkin and laughin then they hugged n kissed, sister got a fever cos she said dhe was feeling hot.
So sis's boyfriend put his hand up her shirt to find her heart, like a doc would do. Except he aint so smart cos both of them got sick and they started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have gotten cold as he shoved that up her skirt.
About this time sis got worse and began to moan n sigh, n ...   Full text

Bob was a car garage owner in New York before he decided to travel the world. During his trip to Africa, he decides to take a camel ride across the desert. He has been traveling for several days, and is geting very horny. He decides to try and go at it with the camel. He tried many times, but could never get the camel to stand still. A few days pass, and he happens to run into a car full of young horny blondes with big brests. They ask him, "Sir, could you fix our car for us? It broke down." So he agrees. He fixes it and they tell him they will do anything for him. So he asks, Ladies...
Can you hold my camel still while I try to F*ck it?

Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V

Q:how do u know when a mechanic just had sex
A: HIS fingers are clean

One day little Johnny was sitting under the apple tree polishing an apple. The neighborhood cop (that everyone knows) walks up to little Johnny and say I'll give you 25 cents for that there apple. Little Johnny replies, no way your crazy!!!!! So the Cop Bids high, 50 cents, nope, 75 cents, nope, 1 dollar, nope, 1.25, nope, 1.50, nope, 1.75, nope, 2 dollars and that's my finally offer. Little Johnny replies, no way!! Puzzled the cop asked Little Johnny way wont you sell me that there apple? Little Johnny paused for a second and then replied, MY SISTER GOT CADDY FOR HER CHERRY, SO I PLAN ON GETTING A FRATE TRAIN FOR THIS HERE APPLE.

a woman walks in to a gynochologists office. he looks at her and all of his proffesionalism goes out the window cuz she is fiiiiiine. he asks her to undress and he then proceeds to touch her up on the inside of her legs. 'do you know what im doing?' he asks her. 'yes your checking for any broken or damaged skin.'
'yes' he replies. he then begins to fondle her tits, 'do you know what im doing now?' he asks her. 'yes, your checking for any lumps that could be cancerous.'
'yes' he replied. then he mounted her and started having sex with her, 'do you know what im doing now?' he asks her.
'yeh, your getting herpes, which is why i came to see you!'

I picked up my date last Saturday and as she got into the car I really noticed how provocatably sexy she was dressed. When I got into the drivers seat she opened the conversation by saying "Gee, you smell great tonight, what have you got on? Dazed by her beauty, I replied, "I've got a hard on, but I didn't know you could smell it.

Q:how did burger dairy queen get pregnet
A:burger king forgot 2 rap his waper

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows finally grow completely together and they get fat and old together and then DIE!!
C
is for Call ya later.She won't. She never has before.
D
is for Dumped. Does D need to be explained?
E
is for Eating like a pig. Remember when you took her out and she said "I'm not hungry" ...   Full text

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and methodically says, in a deep and powerful bass voice, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch private, 3-pound left testicle, 3-pound right testicle...Turner Brown."
??????????
The diminutive white man faints immediately and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you, man?"
????????????
In a weak, trembling voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me, sir?"
The big dude says, "I saw the curious look and figured I'd ...   Full text

One day, A little boy walked in the bathroom as him mom was taking a
shower and asked "Can I come in?" She said "Sure, just dont look down or
up" Of course, he looked down and said, "Whats that?" His mom said
"Ummmm......Thats my ummm..... thats my garage" Then he looked up and
"What are those things mommy?" She said "Those? Well, those are my....
ummmm..... my headlights." He said "Oh, ok!" And he got out of the shower.
The next day, he walked in the bathroom as his dad was taking and shower
and said, "Can I come in?" He said "Sure honey, just dont look down"
He climbed in and ofcourse, he looked down. He said "Whats that?"
His Dad said, "Well ...   Full text

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.
At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms
he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy
insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be ...   Full text

Pardon for my poor English. A man had a huge strong dick but for some personal reason he decides for a sex change, he sees a doctor and the doctor agrees. In the operation theatre the doctor completes the operation but for some reason puts the mans dick in a drawer. Few hours later the doctor takes the upper skin out from the dick, goes to a leather shop and SELLS IT (^_^) The guy at the leather shop makes a nice wallet from the skin and hangs out on his showcase. Short while later a nice young girl comes and asks how much is that wallet ? The guy replies its $200 madam ! ! ! WHAT ?? says the girl. A small wallet for $200 ?? The guy at the shop says TOUCH IT AND IT WILL TURN INTO ...   Full text

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."
"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water, she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to ...   Full text

There was this guy who was about to go on a date so he took his last condum out but the wind had blown it out the window. Since it was his last one he went outside to get it. When he got to it a little boy had it in his hand. The guy says "hey kid can i have that lollypop" and the kid says no its mine i found it" and the guy says " I`LL give you 5 dollars" and the kid says no its mine i found it'" so the guy said" ill give u $5 and a pack a lolly pops for that lolly pop" and the kid said ok. L8ter that day the boy says to his mom " mommy look i have $5 and a whole pack of lolly pops" and the mom asks "where did you get that" and the kid replies " some guy gave it to me if i gave hime ...   Full text

Nike> Just do it.
Toyota> Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi> You got the right one, baby.
Pringles> Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos> The freshmaker.
A Pack of Flintstones Vitamins> Ten million strong and growing.
Secret> Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman.
Macintosh> It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Ford> The best never rest.
Chevy> Like a rock.
Dial> Aren't you glad you use it? Don't you wish everybody did?
New York Lotto> Cause hey - you never know.
California Lotto> Who's next?
Avis> Trying harder than ever.
KFC> Finger-Licking Good.
Coca Cola> Always the Real Thing.
Lays> ...   Full text

Buck's best friend Eddie made a house call one Sunday afternoon and upon hearing that Buck wasn't home , he attempted to make small talk with the lady .
" Lucy , when you and Buck make love , and he's goin down on you , have you ever pissed right on his face ? "
" What !! Are you fucking kidding me Ed ? " Lois replied , " That's disgusting , absolutely not !!!
Eddie replies " Well he let's me !!!!! "

sex is like a resturant,
some times u get good service, sometimes u get bad services, some times no service, but most the time u should be happy with self service

2 little kids at school are argueing about whos parents are better
"my dad is stronger that yours!" "no my dad is stronger!" "well my dad can lift his truck!" "well my dad can lift my house!" "well my mom is better than yours" "yhea thats what my dad says too"

Sean Connery was interviewed by Donahue, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kylie said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, "If you think that was good, let me sleep for half an hour, and we can have even better sex. But while I'm sleeping, hold my balls in your left hand and my dick in your right hand." Kylie looks a bit perplexed, but says, "Okay". He sleeps for half an hour, awakens, and they have even better sex. ...   Full text

one day 3 nuns were driving in a car when the car spun out of control crashing and killing all of them. they went up to heaven and as they were waiting outside the gates into heaven st. peter appeared. "before i let you in you all have to answer 1 question for me" he said. he turns to the first nun and says "who were the two first people on the earth created by god?" the nun responded by saying "adam and eve". st. peter acccepted her answer and let her into heaven. he then turns to the second nun and says " where did adam and eve live ". the nun responded by saying " the garden of eden ". st. peter accepted this answer as well and let this nun into heaven he then turns to the last nun ...   Full text

A man comes home late at night drunk as a skunk,he goes to bed and straight away starts getting horny with his wife but she tells him to go to sleep.
In the morning he goes into the kitchen and his wife has one of his socks in the frying pan.He asks her what she is doing and she says she is doing what he wanted her to do last night-------cookin his sock!

Q: When is a man most intellagent,before,after or during sex?
A: during sex cuz hes plugged up to the knowledge source=:)

Sex is like math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply!

A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I lost my boner and poor momma went dry.
Up to the window I sprang like an elf, Tore back the shade while she played with herself.
The moon on the crest of the snowman we'd built, Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear, But a rusty ...   Full text