there was this couple who took their son on a campin trip and in the room there was only one bunk bed. so the couple laid on the top and when they were about to have sex they made up code words for faster and slower. faster was lettuce and slower was tomato. when the son asked what they were doin, they told him they were makin a salad. the little boy then replied well could u be more careful ... Full text

there is a doctors conference at the local hospital and many are invited. During the conference a man spots a super sexy and fit female sitting with the rest of the people at the conference. After the conference he goes up to her and asks do you want to go out for a drink. "Yes please" she said. Before they settle down for the drink the woman says "I must wash my Hands". So she goes and washes ... Full text

Whats the difference between a coffin and a condom?
One u go in the other u come in! Full text

One day, little jonny asked his mum what sex was.
"tonight, go in2 ur sisters room n hide behind the curtain and watch what she does with her boyfriend"
The next morning she asks jonny what happned.
Little jonny expalined "well at first, they were just kinda talkin and laughin then they hugged n kissed, sister got a fever cos she said dhe was feeling hot.
So sis's boyfriend put ... Full text

Bob was a car garage owner in New York before he decided to travel the world. During his trip to Africa, he decides to take a camel ride across the desert. He has been traveling for several days, and is geting very horny. He decides to try and go at it with the camel. He tried many times, but could never get the camel to stand still. A few days pass, and he happens to run into a car full of ... Full text

Mary had a little lamb her cow had B.S.E mary was a kiky slut and give them H.I.V Full text

Q:how do u know when a mechanic just had sex
A: HIS fingers are clean Full text

One day little Johnny was sitting under the apple tree polishing an apple. The neighborhood cop (that everyone knows) walks up to little Johnny and say I'll give you 25 cents for that there apple. Little Johnny replies, no way your crazy!!!!! So the Cop Bids high, 50 cents, nope, 75 cents, nope, 1 dollar, nope, 1.25, nope, 1.50, nope, 1.75, nope, 2 dollars and that's my finally offer. Little ... Full text

a woman walks in to a gynochologists office. he looks at her and all of his proffesionalism goes out the window cuz she is fiiiiiine. he asks her to undress and he then proceeds to touch her up on the inside of her legs. 'do you know what im doing?' he asks her. 'yes your checking for any broken or damaged skin.'
'yes' he replies. he then begins to fondle her tits, 'do you know what im ... Full text

I picked up my date last Saturday and as she got into the car I really noticed how provocatably sexy she was dressed. When I got into the drivers seat she opened the conversation by saying "Gee, you smell great tonight, what have you got on? Dazed by her beauty, I replied, "I've got a hard on, but I didn't know you could smell it. Full text

Q:how did burger dairy queen get pregnet
A:burger king forgot 2 rap his waper Full text

A
is for Arteries.
You know, the things that your ex-girlfriend ripped out because she really didn't care for you you twit she was only after your money and could have given a shit about you.
B
is for Bitter. Who, me?? No way. I really hope things between them do work out. I hope they get married and have 2 children that are little devils and her hips get huge and his eyebrows ... Full text

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this huge black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and methodically says, in a deep and powerful bass voice, "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch private, 3-pound left testicle, 3-pound right testicle...Turner Brown."
? ? ? ? ? 
The diminutive white man faints immediately ... Full text

One day, A little boy walked in the bathroom as him mom was taking a
shower and asked "Can I come in?" She said "Sure, just dont look down or
up" Of course, he looked down and said, "Whats that?" His mom said
"Ummmm......Thats my ummm..... thats my garage" Then he looked up and
"What are those things mommy?" She said "Those? Well, those are my....
ummmm..... my ... Full text

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have
dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the
girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.
Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so
he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The
pharmacist helps ... Full text

Pardon for my poor English. A man had a huge strong dick but for some personal reason he decides for a sex change, he sees a doctor and the doctor agrees. In the operation theatre the doctor completes the operation but for some reason puts the mans dick in a drawer. Few hours later the doctor takes the upper skin out from the dick, goes to a leather shop and SELLS IT (^_^) The guy at the ... Full text

Once there were two twins, Joe and John. Joe was the owner of a dilapidated old boat, which sank the same day that John's wife died. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Joe and mistook him for John.
"I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible."
"Hell, no! In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her ... Full text

There was this guy who was about to go on a date so he took his last condum out but the wind had blown it out the window. Since it was his last one he went outside to get it. When he got to it a little boy had it in his hand. The guy says "hey kid can i have that lollypop" and the kid says no its mine i found it" and the guy says " I`LL give you 5 dollars" and the kid says no its mine i found ... Full text

Nike> Just do it.
Toyota> Oh what a feeling.
Diet Pepsi> You got the right one, baby.
Pringles> Once you pop, you can't stop.
Mentos> The freshmaker.
A Pack of Flintstones Vitamins> Ten million strong and growing.
Secret> Strong enough for a man, but pH balanced for a woman.
Macintosh> It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Ford> The best never ... Full text

Buck's best friend Eddie made a house call one Sunday afternoon and upon hearing that Buck wasn't home , he attempted to make small talk with the lady .
" Lucy , when you and Buck make love , and he's goin down on you , have you ever pissed right on his face ? "
" What !! Are you fucking kidding me Ed ? " Lois replied , " That's disgusting , absolutely not !!!
Eddie replies " ... Full text

sex is like a resturant,
some times u get good service, sometimes u get bad services, some times no service, but most the time u should be happy with self service Full text

2 little kids at school are argueing about whos parents are better
"my dad is stronger that yours!" "no my dad is stronger!" "well my dad can lift his truck!" "well my dad can lift my house!" "well my mom is better than yours" "yhea thats what my dad says too" Full text

Sean Connery was interviewed by Donahue, and bragged that despite his 72 years of age, he could still have sex three times a night. Kylie Minogue, who was also a guest, looked intrigued. After the show, Kylie said, "Sean, if I am not being too forward, I'd love to have sex with an older man. Let's go back to my place."
So they go back to her place and have great sex. Afterwards, Sean says, ... Full text

one day 3 nuns were driving in a car when the car spun out of control crashing and killing all of them. they went up to heaven and as they were waiting outside the gates into heaven st. peter appeared. "before i let you in you all have to answer 1 question for me" he said. he turns to the first nun and says "who were the two first people on the earth created by god?" the nun responded by ... Full text

A man comes home late at night drunk as a skunk,he goes to bed and straight away starts getting horny with his wife but she tells him to go to sleep.
In the morning he goes into the kitchen and his wife has one of his socks in the frying pan.He asks her what she is doing and she says she is doing what he wanted her to do last night-------cookin his sock! Full text

Q: When is a man most intellagent,before,after or during sex?
A: during sex cuz hes plugged up to the knowledge source=:) Full text

Sex is like math. Add a bed, Subtract the clothes, Divide the legs, and pray you don't Multiply! Full text

A Christmas Poem
'Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat
The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Momma in her teddy, and I in the nude. Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube
When out on the lawn there arose such a cry, That I ... Full text

A woman walks into a bar, and guy says, "Can I buy you a drink."
"Sure," said the woman. After a few moments of conversing she finally asked, "So what’s your occupation?" He says "I’m a
Carpenter." ...."To what extent of carpentry do you work?" asked the woman. The man states: "Well, I actually work exstensively with Wood."
"1st, I get you Hammered."
"next, I ... Full text

Whats the difference between spittig and swallowing?
About forty pounds of pressure on the back of the neck. Full text