sex is like a misdameanor, the more i miss it, da meaner i get Full text

A nun walks into a doctor's office and asks to see the doctor. The doctor finally enters the examining room and asks her what's wrong. She says,"Doc, I've got some bad ithcing... down there." "Let me take a look the doctor says." He goes down, stands up, and leaves the room. Ten minutes later he comes back into the room. "Sister, I've got some bad news... You've got crabs." Outraged, the nun ... Full text

Two elderly men were talking about Viagra. One had never heard of it and asked the other what it was for."It's the greatest invention ever," he said. "It makes you feel like a man of 30." "Can you get it over the counter?" "Probably if you took two."
A man was prescribed Viagra by his doctor who told him to take it one hour before sex. The man collected his prescription and went home to ... Full text

HICKERY DICKERY DOC THIS BITCH WAS SUCKIN MY COCK THE CLOCK STRUCK TWO I DUMPED MY GOO AND DUMPED HER AT THE END OF THE BLOCK. Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, jack got high unzipped his fly and then they had a little fun, jill forgot to take the pill and now they have a son. Jack be nimble jack be quick jack jump over the candlestick, if jacks so nimble and jacks so ... Full text

What's the defenition of a bastard?
A man who fucks his wife all night with his three inch dick and kisses her goodbye in the morning with his ten inch tongue. Full text

A guy sticks his location,
In a girl’s destinstion,
To increase the population,
For the next generation.
Do you get my explanation?
Or do you need a demonstration?
Full text

How do you know if you have a high sperm count ?
If she has to chew before she can swallow. Full text

How do you make your girlfriend cry while having sex?...Phone her!
hahaha now that is some funny shit !! Full text

Q-Why did god give woman 2 sets of lips? A-So they can piss & moan at ths same time! Full text

An old man is sitting at a bus stop, when a teenage boy with a multi-colored mohawk sits down. The old man just stares at the boys hair, finally the boy says "what haven't you ever done anything wild or crazy"? The old man replied "yes, years ago i screwed a peacock and was just wondering if your my son"? Full text

Q: What is the difference between women and a washing machine?
A: The washing machine doesn't follow you around for two weeks after you put a load into it Full text

TO girls:
I'm good at math:add a bed,subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply!
I aint no Fred Flintstone, but i'll make your bed rock!
Suck my dick, theres a future in it.
(Go up to a girl and check the tag at the back of the shirt, when she asks what you are doing say) Yep, made in heaven!
Beavis and Butthead form of pick ups:
Hey Baby, come over here, huh, ... Full text

What is oral sex?
A taste of things to come. Full text

Why did Cavemen drag their women by the hair on their head?
Answer: If you drag then by their feet, they fill up with mud. Full text

A pissed off wife finally says to her husband whose been bothering her for sex "thats it! I demand some manners in bed just like at the dinning table." Then her husband slowly creeps into the bed and says "Honey......Please pass me the virgina!" Full text

A penis says to his balls ' come on lads we're going to a party. ' The balls reply ' You fukin liar, you go inside and leave us outside knocking! ' Full text

Question? Why does it take a woman so long to get off.
Answer: Who the fuck cares! Full text

there were three men a spanish man, a german man and and english man. They were invited to a castle by a king of spain. The reason the king invited these three men was to see if he can make his daughter scream. The king says, "the first one to make my daughter scream will marry her." So the spanish mans go's into the room doesnt make her scream. The german man goes in the room doesnt make her ... Full text

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My ... Full text

A man walks into a bar and sees this very attractive woman, he buys her a couple of ddrinks and they hit it off. They go to her appartment and he is surprised that there are many teddy bears on the shelves. They have great sex and in the morning he asked her how he did. She said you can take anything from the bottom shelf! Full text

Two guys are sitting in a bar. One looks over at the other and asks how his sex life is going. The second guy looks at him blankly for a moment and replies," Eh, i'm having social security sex." His buddy looked puzzled for a minute then finally asks what the hell social security sex is. "Yeah well i get a little every month but its not enough to live on." Full text

You may have heard this one before but thought it was funny and wanted to share..........

A guy is walking into his apt. room one day when he see a beautiful young woman standing outside her door in nothing but a towel. she waves him over and says," you wanna see whats under this towel?" she slowly starts to undo the towel when she stops and says " I think I hear ... Full text

top reasons to date a contortionist
1. we are unbelievably flexible
2.we can perform in practically every position
3.we have perfect technique, good rythm, and great hip rotation
4.we are used to wearing very little clothing
5.we know how to use others equipment to our advantage
6.we dont mind getting all hot and sweaty
7.regular splits are for gymnists and ... Full text

Do you know the difference between a wife and a girl friend?
When your girl friend touches your hair your dick stands up, but when your wife touches your dick your hair stands up. Full text

Where are an elephants sex organs?
In its feet......If it stands on you,your fucked. Full text

What did the left nut say to the right nut? Don?t talk to the guy in the middle, he?s a dick. Full text

How do you know if your roommate is gay?
His dick tastes like shit. Full text

What do you call the worst blowjob you have ever had?
Awesome. Full text

What is the differnce between your first honeymoon and your second?
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The first Niagara......
the second viagra Full text

So one time I was just thinking of stories to tell and I thought of one. I asked my friends "do you guys remember the first time". "oh hell yeah they all say" so I'm telling them about mine. so I say well the first time I had sex was in the grass in a vacant plainy area. It was a perfect day and we were just going at it for hours and then suddenly her mom comes up to us out of no where. so ... Full text