a guy walks into a truck stop after traveling for days. he goes up and asks the guy at the counter...."hey, are there any good women in this town to screw?"...the guy said "no....but we have wong the china-man in the back if you want him.....i dont go for that shit said the guy....a few hours later he goes back up to the guy at the counter and asks again....."are you sure there isnt any women in this town?"...the guy said...no women...but we got wong the china-man in the back....the guy said no i dont go for that shit...he sits back down....about 10 minutes later he goes back up to the guy and asks..."but just in case i did go for that shit how much would it cost?"....the guy at the ...   Full text

Did you hear about the German bi-sexaul?
She went down on her Hans and neice.

This little boy lived in a bad neighborhood, and there was a whore house right next to his. His mother would make him walk to the store, but he had to pass by the whore house. Every time that he went by, the same whore would stick her head out the window and say "Hi little by," and hold up her little pinky finger. Finally the boy said, "What the hell, why do you always hold up your little finger when you say hi?"
She looked at him and said "Because that is the size of your penis."
Pissed off, the boy made a huge circle with his pointer finger and thumbs, and said "Hi nice lady."

Q: Why did god give black men big dicks?
A: Because he felt bad for putting pubic hair on their head

There were two guys hanging out one guy says "Hey man i know this
chick who can suck your dick and sing at the same time" the other guy was shocked all he could say was "Yeah ok" "No really she can i have her card right here you should give it a shot its only $5" so the guy said what the hell its only five dollars so he calls up this girl and she meets him at a local motel when they get into the motel room she tells him to drop his pants because she is going to sing the national anthem while sucking his dick he couldnt believe it but he did what she said before she started she turned the lights off he got pissed and flipped them back on he wanted to see this happen but she told him ...   Full text

a five year old boy asks his dad, "what's fucking mean?" the dad says "well i think that your old enough to know now" so he calls his wife into the room and says to the kid, "Do you see that hole on mom?" and begins to fuck her. the little boys older brother walks into the room and asks what is going on. the boy says to his brother he's teaching me what fucking is. the big brother says, "well what is it ?" the little brother says to the big brother, " You see that hole on dad?" use your imagination

A nun is sat on a bus and sat in front of her is this slaphead that is eating a bag of prawns and he keeps spitting the heads off the prawns onto the floor
so the nun keeps picking them up and throwing them out of the window in the end she gets fed up of it and
presses the Emergancy Stop button
So the slaphead turns round and says
"You can get a ?50 fine for pressing that you stupid slut "
so the nun says
"And when i cry rape and they smell your fingers you will get 10 year"

Two elderly residents were sitting alone in the lobby of their nursing
home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what
you're wanting; for $5 I'll have sex with you right over there in that
rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didn't say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 I'll do it with you on that nice soft
sofa over there, but for $20 I'll take you back to my room, light some
candles, and give you the most romantic evening you've ever had in your
life."
The old lady still says nothing, but after a couple moments starts
digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and ...   Full text

If the first pilgrims hunted a cat insted of turkey would we all be eating pussy for thankgiving??

A Son walks into the living room and sits down next to his Dad. After a few minutes Dad notices that his Son has the biggest grin on his face, curious Dad asks "Whats with the huge smile son?", his Son replied "Well Dad, last nite I had my first ever blowjob!!!". Proudly his Dad turns to him, pats him on the back, and says "Go on son, tell me all about it.", "Well Dad, I was on my knees and had this dick in my mouth...."

Somebody posted a lame version of this joke. Here is how it is suppose to go:
When Apollo Mission Astronaut Neil Armstrong first walked on the moon, he not only gave his famous "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind," statement but followed it up with several remarks to the other astronauts and Mission Control.
Just before he re-entered the lander, however, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck Mr. Gorsky."
Many people at NASA thought it was a remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut.
However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs. Over the years, many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good ...   Full text

What is it that's in the air, that gets women pregnant?
Their feet.

What's another name for any sexually transmitted disease (STD)?
An "INFUCTION."

What do you call a prostitute who invested her earnings in opening her own bordello?
An entreprenwhore.

THIS JOKE IS CINDA HARD TO GET BUT FOUCIS MY NAME IS ME YOUR NAME IS YOU WERE ON AN ISLAND
AND WERE BOTH THIRSTY AND WE COME ACROSS SOME WATER BUT IS JUST ENOGH FOR ONE PERSON TO DRINK HOW'S GOING TO DRINK IT ME OR (YOU) WE ARE HUNGRY WE COME ACROSS SOME FOOD HOWS'S GOING TO EAT IT ME OR( YOU) THEM WE COME ACROSS A NEEDLE AND THRED HOW'S ASS IS GOING TO GET STICHED (ME) OR YOU SO WE COME TO THIS GAY BAR HOW'S GOING TO GET BANGED IN THEY ASS ME OR YOU WELL IT AINT ME MY ASS IS STICHED

What 4 animals do you see after having sex?
2 tired asses, 1 wet pussy and 1 dead cock.

My First Time
The sky was dark
The moon was high
All alone just her and I
Her skin so soft
Her legs so fine
I ran my fingers down her spine
I don't know how but I tried my best
To put my hands upon her breast
I remember my fear
My fast beating heart
As she slowly spread her legs apart
And then I did it I felt no shame
All at once some milky white stuff came
At last it's finished
It's all over now
My first time ever
Milking a cow.

Q: How are bungee jumping and having sex with a prostitute similar?
A: If the rubber breaks, you're fucked!

How long does it take a woman to have a orgasm?
Who cares!

Theres a black rooster standing ontop of a fence.
How many eyes does it have? *u answer 2*
How many legs does it have?*u answer 2*
How many wings does it have? *u answer 2*
How many beaks is there? *U answer 1*
Okay, there is a white cat under it.
How many hairs does it have? *u answer i dont know*
So your telling me..you know more about a black cock than a white pussy?

What do you call a queer in a wheelchair? Roll-Aides.

there where 3 black woman washing their clothes in the missisipi river the first lady wanders up to the second lady and says **hay there midi......midi whaddya coll yer ole man?** the second lady replies **why ah coll my ole man bigggg ballllls cos he gotta the biggest balls this side of the missisipi riva!!** the third lady comes over to join in on the conversation and she's asked by the other two **hay there midi.....midi whaddya call yer ole man?** **why ah call ma ole man biggg diccck cos he got the biggest dick this side of the missisipi river!!** finally the second two ladies ask the first lady **why midi...... midi you havn't told us what you call your ole man.... and she ...   Full text

Q: What did jeffery dahmer say to lorana bobbit?
A: Are you gonna eat that?

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women don't know each other.

A young but well smoothed girl got married.
She was worried enough for the first night - as she was to show her husband that she was still a virgin. As per plan, she filled a small tin box with red colored liquid - so when his member will get in, she will pore over at her right place. In this way, he will think that because of her first time, she got blooded and he is that lucky guy to have a VIRGIN.
At last, that moment reached. Husband was on the half way when she secretly did her job of red colour and started murmuring as if had heavy pain. Husband became happy with her cry - of course he thought he got a brand new stuff.
Within no time, he began to cry in loud voice than ...   Full text

A guy lost his third leg in an accident.
Top surgens of the country managed to install baby elephant's trunk at the place instead, as an experiment. Operation happens to be sucessful.
He was instructed to report back to hospital after a month's time to tell the performance of the new tool.
After the patient lived with the trunk for few days, he found all functions working well. But only one action was very much disturbing - he told doctors, that as per trunk's old habbit, whatever it come across on the way - it is collecting, rolling in the shape of a ball AND putting that stuff into elephant's mouth.
( some body sent me a comment on my previous joke - is english your ...   Full text

Three women were all pregnant at the same time so they all carpooled to their first doctor's appointment. On the way there one woman said, " I was on bottom during sex so I will have a boy". The second one said, "Well, I was on top during sex so I will have a girl". The third girl started to cry and said, " Oh my goodness, I'm having Puppies".

Chocolate is better than sex because:
You can GET chocolate
BUYING chocolate is legal
Chocolate won't mind if you bite the nuts too hard
Two people of the same sex can have chocolate with each other without being called "gay"
You're never too young or too old for chocolate.

A guy went to the doctor to improve his sexual performance. The clinic was in the 4th floor & he took the elevator. The doctor gave him 3 viagra-like tablets & asked him to use it one at a time.
while he got in to the elevator, he saw a nice looking girl inside & immediately wanted to test the tablet. He had one & couldn't control himself. he stopped the elevator & fucked the girl & finished her off. the girl left the elevator in the 3rd floor, crying. to his luck, an amazing lady in her mid-30's got into the elevator. Again, he took the 2nd tablet & finished her too. she left the elevator in the 2nd floor, crying.
He really was a lucky bastard - again, an old woman ...   Full text

Whats the difference between pussy and parsely?
no one ever eats parsely.
How are they the same?
you have to buy dinner to get either one