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Birthday jokes

Birthday Jokes #1878   Rating: [26]

It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

'Oh, I don't know ,' she said . 'Just give me something with diamonds.

That's why I'm giving her a pack of playing cards.

Birthday Jokes #1877   Rating: [0]

My wife refuses to use Inter Flora for people's birthdays. She says she doesn't think people would like margarine as a present.

Birthday Jokes #1876   Rating: [3]

My Husband said he wanted a tie for his birthday that matched the color of his eyes - but where can you find a bloodshot tie?

Birthday Jokes #1875   Rating: [3]

When I was a child my family were so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.

Birthday Jokes #1874   Rating: [0]

Q: What did the ice cream say to the unhappy cake?
A: "Hey, what's eating you?"

Birthday Jokes #1873   Rating: [-1]

Q: Did you hear about the flag's birthday?
A: It was a flappy one!

Birthday Jokes #1872   Rating: [5]

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."
Next time, take off the candles."

Birthday Jokes #1871   Rating: [-2]

Q: What song should you sing to a wildebeest on his birthday?
A: "Happy Birthday To Gnu!"

Birthday Jokes #1870   Rating: [3]

Q: What do you give nin-hundred-pound gorilla for his birthday?
A: I don't know, but you'd better hope he likes it!

Birthday Jokes #1869   Rating: [2]

Q: Why did the wife not put birthday candles on her husband's birthday cake?
A: It was not that she did not want to make him feel old, she wanted to save the environment.

Birthday Jokes #1783   Rating: [-1]

Q: What do birthday candles and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
A: They get blown out on the same day every year.

Birthday Jokes #1782   Rating: [55]

A fellow was talking to his buddy, and he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped."

His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate saying she can have 60 minutes of great sex, any way that she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled."

So the fellow did.

The next day his buddy asked, "Well? Did you take my suggestion?"

"Yes, I did," said the fellow.

"...And did she like it?" His buddy asked.

"Oh yes! She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the forehead and ran out the door yelling, ...   Full text

Birthday Jokes #1754   Rating: [6]

Brunette: When's your birthday?
Blonde: June 23rd. What about you?
Brunette: December 25.
Blonde: Oh my god your so lucky your birthday is on Easter!

Birthday Jokes #1753   Rating: [3]

Brunette: Today is my niece's birthday. Do you wanna come to her party?
Blonde: What day is today?
Brunette: January 11.
Blonde: Oh I'm sorry for your niece.
Brunette: What, why?
Blonde: Since her birthday is in January, she has to wait a whole year til her next birthday.

Birthday Jokes #1752   Rating: [1]

man1:'' I got my wife a vcp''
man2:''Don't you mean a vcr"?
man1:"No, a vcp..... very cheap present!

Birthday Jokes #1751   Rating: [24]

A middle aged woman went shopping one day for a birthday present for her husband. Since their sex life had been less than satisfactory for several years, see wanted to get something to spice it up.
She went through store after store in the mall, but could find nothing she wanted. She sat down on a bench and broke out into tears.
After a few minutes she looked up and noticed that she was sitting in front of a pet shop. To pick up her spirits, she decided to go in and see the puppies and kittens. She wandered around the shop for fifteen minutes and felt better. On the way out a clerk saw her and said "Did you see anything you liked, ma'am?"
The lady explained to the ...   Full text

Birthday Jokes #1750   Rating: [9]

3 gurls wanted a 1 guy each for their b-day so the mom got them wut they wanted
she went to the first room heared giggling, knocked on the door " why are u giggling?" the gurl replied " cause it tickles"
went to the 2 room heared crying,knocked, asked " why are u crying?"
the gurl replied " cause it hurts"
went to the 3 room heared nothing, knocked, asked "why is it so quiet?"
the gurl replied " cause u talt me not to talk with my mouth full!!"

Birthday Jokes #1749   Rating: [4]

There was a rich guy and a poor guy, the poor guy asks the rich guy "so what did you get your wife for her birthday?" the rich guy replies "a ferrari and a mercedes, so when she wants to feel rich she can drive the ferrari and when she wants to feel important she can drive the mercedes. What did you get your wife" the poor guy replies " I got her a pair of mocasins and a vibrater" the rich guys asks "why" the poor guy says "If she dosent like the mocasins she can go fuck herself".

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