Blonde jokes

There was a blond a brunette, and a red head that were being chased by a terrorist. And there were 3 potato bags on the floor, so each one of them went into a different potato bag. The terrorist kicked the bag which the red head was in and she said Meow. And the terrorist is like...oh just a cat...then he kicks the bag with the brunette...she goes roof roof...and the terrorist says...it's just a stupid dog. Then the terrorist kicks the bag which the blonde is in and she goes...POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!!

There was a blonde, and a man from another country at a bar, and the man said, "My country was the first from space," and at that time a red head came up, she said, " My country was the first to go to the moon."
Then the blonde said," Oh yeah well I am gunna go to the sun!" The red head said, " Stupid you can't go to the sun it is too hot." Then the blonde replied, " That is why I'm going at night!"

A blonde walks into a hardware store and asks the salesman, "Can I buy that TV?"
The owner answers, "I don't sell TV's to blondes!" So the blonde dyes her hair and asks the some question, but she gets the same answer. So she shaves her head and goes back and asks again, but yet again she gets the same answer.
"How did you know I was a blonde?" she asks."
"Because," he replies, "that's a microwave oven."

Did you here about the blonde that stopped at the stop sign?
She's still there.

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking to a picnic across the Mexican border. When they arrived at the border, an officer stopped them. He asked them where they were going and they told him that they were going to a picnic. The officer then asked the brunette what she was bringing to the picnic. She told him that she was bringing some wine in case they got thirsty. So the officer said that she could go, and she did. Then the officer asked the red head what she was bringing to the picnic. She said that she was bringing some food in case they got hungry. So the officer allowed her to go. Then he asked the blonde what she was bringing to the picnic. The blonde replied, "I'm ...   Full text

Why do blondes have square boobs?
Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

A policeman was interviewing three blondes who wanted to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he showed the first blonde a picture for five seconds and then hid it. "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The first blonde answered, "That's easy! We'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"
The policeman said, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashed the picture at the second blonde and said, "This is your suspect. How would you recognize him?"
The second blonde giggled, flipped her hair and said, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has ...   Full text

How do you know if a blond has been on the computer?
There is correcting fluid all over the screen!

A blond wanted to do something smart so she decided to go to the sun.The scientist said she could not do that because she would burn and die and she said,"Duh!Thats why I'm going at night"!

Why can't a blond dial 911?? She can't find the 11.

How did the blonde crash the helicopter? It was getting cold so she decided to turn off the fan.

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a game. The blonde, who's tired and just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and says the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa." Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention; and figuring there will be no end to this ...   Full text

BLONDE SUICIDE
A blonde hurried into the hospital emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off.
"How did this happen?," the emergency room doctor asked her.
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," the blonde replied.
"What?" sputtered the doctor? "You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
the tip of your finger?"
"No, silly!" the blonde said. "First, I put the gun to my chest, and I
thought, 'I just paid $6,000 for these; I'm not shooting myself in the
chest."
"So then?" asked the doctor.
"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000 to get
my teeth straightened; I'm not shooting myself ...   Full text

What do you call a dead blonde in a cupboard?
1994 hide and seek champion

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are talking about their daughters. The redhead says, ??? I was going through my daughters drawers, and I found a bottle of beer. I can't believe my daughter drinks.???
Then the brunette says, ??? well I was cleaning my daughters room, and I found a pack of cigarettes. I can't believe my daughter smokes.???
Then the blonde says, ??? I was making my daughters bed, and I found a condom. I can't believe my daughter has a penis.

Two blondes were hiking in the woods and came across some tracks. One blonde said that they were definitely deer tracks, but the other blonde was convinced they were bear tracks. The two continued to argue about for another half an hour. Then they were killed by a train.

She was so blonde...
...she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate".
...she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
...she got stabbed in a shoot-out.
...she told me to meet her at the corner of "WALK" and "DONT WALK".
...she thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.
...she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
...she sat on the TV and watched the couch.
...she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
...she tried to drown a fish.
...she thought a quarterback was a refund.
...she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.
...if you gave her a penny for ...   Full text

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying "Ehhhh .. 22!".
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?".
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!".
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, ...   Full text

What do you call a blonde standing on her head naked?
A brunette with bad breath!

Whats the difference between a smart blonde and a U.F.O?
There has been sightings of U.F.O's

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood.
She went to the front door of the first house, and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.
"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, "How much will you charge me?"
The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage.
The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"
He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't ...   Full text

A blonde walks into a department store and asks the clerk if she can buy a TV as she points toward the one she wants. The clerk replies that they don't sell those TVs to blondes. Fumed, the blonde stomps out of the store and dies her hair red. She goes back to the store and asks the clerk again and again is told the same thing. The blonde leaves again and dies her hair brown. Again the store clerk tells her that they don't sell those TVs to blondes. Hysterically, the blonde asks the clerk how he could tell that she is a blonde even with the hair color change. The clerk replies," Ma'm, that's a microwave."

A blonde was walking down a street, listening to a cassette player.
A lady asks her,
"Can I listen to that?"
The blonde says yes.
The lady puts on the headphones and listens.
"Breath in, Breath out."
"Breath in, Breath out."

Three blondes walk into a building.
You'd have thought one of them would have seen it.

Why don't blondes like convertibles?
Their feet get sunburned.

The Blonde Rancher
Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch.
Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In
order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase
a bull so that they can breed their own stock.
The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last 600
dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale.
Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy
the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home." the
brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she
does want to buy ...   Full text

What's the first thing the blonde said when she found out she was pregnant?
"Is it mine?"

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
Are you sure it's mine?

Q: Did you hear about the three blondes that froze to death in the drive in movie theater?
A: They wanted to go see Closed For Winter.

Why did the blonde have bruises in and around her belly button?
Because she had a blonde boyfriend.