There was a blonde woman who was having financial troubles so she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note: I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. Signed, The Blonde. She pinned the note inside the little boy's jacket and told him to go straight home. The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 in a brown bag behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Inside the bag was the following note, "Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would do this to another!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead team were sent out to install telephone poles for the Telephone Company. After the first day, the brunette team had installed 30 poles, the redhead team had installed 37 poles, and the blonde team had installed 7.
The contractor was outraged with the blonde team and demanded to know why they had done so few.
'Hey, we saw what the other teams were doing. Theirs were still sticking out of the ground!'

A. What do you call a skeleton in a closet?
Q. The Miss Blonde Hide and Seek Championship winner of 1980!

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in a closet???
A: The 1938 Hide & Go Seek World Champion

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other at the bar. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, drunk and dozing, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and visa-versa." Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50" figuring that since she is a ...   Full text

Why can't a blonde dial 911?
Because they can't find the 11!

A blonde girl walks in a curtain shop and asked for a pink curtain in the size of her computer screen. The assistant answered, "But madame computers don't have curtains....
"Helllloooooo....I've got WINDOWS!"

A blonde gets a new sports car and decides to take it for a drive. She is driving along and over takes a truck. The truck signals the blonde to pull over. She asks him what's wrong and he gets a piece of chalk out of his pocket and draws a circle on the ground. He then tells her to stand in it and not move. After she does, he gets a knife out of his pocket and slashes the tyres. He turns to the blonde and shes really laughing. He then says, "if you think that's funny watch this." He pulls a baseball bat out of his truck and smashed up the brand new car. At this point the blonde is on the floor laughing her head off. Frustrated he asks her what she's laughing at. She replies "I just ...   Full text

what did the blonde say when she opened a box of cheerios?
Look daddy, baby doughnuts

One day, a blonde walks into a barber shop and asks for her hair to be cut. The barber says "Sure i'll cut it for you. But you cant have those earphones on." So the blonde tells the barber that she can not take them off and leaves.
Then, a few days later, the blonde walks into the same barber shop and asks for her hair to be cut. The barber tells her the same thing that he told her last time, so she storms out of the shop once again.
Then, for a last and final time, the blonde walks into the barber shop and asks for her hair to be cut. The barber, furious at this point, snatches her earphones off and goes into the back, to get his scisors. When he comes back, the blonde is dead ...   Full text

A blind man walks into a bar and goes up to the bartender and says, "Want to hear a really funny blond joke?" The waiter replies, "Look here, I know your blind but I have to tell you. I am blond. There are also four big men in the back of the bar. Now do you still want to tell this joke?" the blind man replies, "No! now i have to explain it five times!"

What did the doctor say to the blonde who claimed "It hurts everywhere I touch"?
"Your finger's broken"
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished the jigsaw puzzle in 6 months?
Because it said "from 2-4 years" on the box.
How did the blonde burn her ear?
She was ironing and the phone rang.
How do you get a 1 armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave to her.
Why did the blonde wear a condom on each ear?
She was afraid of getting hearing AIDS.
Why did the blonde sell her car?
She needed gas money.
Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept trowing away the W's.
Why did the blonde bring sandpaper on her trip to the ...   Full text

Why are blonde jokes one liners?
answer: So the MEN can understand them!

What does a blonde put behind her ears to attract a man?
Her ankles.

How do you know if two blondes have been dating?
The girl has a bruised belly-button!

Q: Why did the blonde climb over the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Why did the blonde stare at the orange juice?
Because it said "Concentrate"

There was this guy who was married to a blonde, and each night he came home with a came home with a new blonde joke. One night the wife got mad and decided to show him that she wasn't dumb. She spent the whole next day learning all her states and capitals.
That night when he got home he told his joke. She sais, "I'm not so dumb. I know all of the states and capitals. Go ahead, quiz me."
He thought for a moment and asked, "What is the capital of Massachussets?"
She quickly replied, "M"

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"
The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"
The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

Q. how does a blond kill a pigeon?
A. Throws it off a cliff

A brunette was jumping up and down on a set of railroad tracks saying, "21,21,21." A blonde walked by, noticed the brunette, started jumping up and down on the tracks and repeated what the brunette was saying. The brunette heard a train whistle and jumped off of the tracks. The blonde kept jumping and saying, "21,21,21." The train ran over the blonde. When the train ended, the brunette jumped back on the tracks and started saying, "22,22,22."

What did the blondes left leg say to the right leg?
Answer: Between you and me we can make a lot of money.

Two bored casino dealers were waiting at a craps table. A very attractive blonde woman arrived and bet twenty thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you
don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude". With that she stripped from her neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, "Mama needs new clothes!" Then she hollered...
"YES! YES! I WON! I WON!" She jumped up and down and hugged each of the dealers. With that she picked up all the money and clothes and quickly departed. The dealers just stared at
each other dumbfounded. Finally,one of them asked, "What did she roll?" The other answered, "I thought YOU were watching!"
Moral: Not all ...   Full text

There are two women at the top of a building one a brunette, the other a blonde. They both jump at the same time. Which one landed first?
The brunette, because the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

One day, a blonde named Sally was putting together a puzzle. She was really stumped and very frustrated, so she decided to ask her husband for help.
''It's supposed to be a tiger!'' Sally cried.
''Honey," said Dan, "Put the Frosted Flakes back in the box!''

What did the blonde's left leg say to her right leg?
Nothing. They have never met.

Question: Five blondes are facing execution: a rocket scientist, a historian, a teacher, a bimbo, and a mathematician. They are each hit with one bullet but, only one bleeds, which one?
Answer: The bimbo, you have to be real to bleed.

Why did the blonde have square boobs?
Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
You wave!

What do you do if a blond throws a pin at you ???
Run like hell cause she got a grenade in her hand!