Blonde jokes

At a pharmacy, a blonde asked to use the infant scale to weigh the baby she held in her arms. The clerk explained that the device was out for repairs, but said that she would figure the infant's weight by weighing the woman and baby together on the adult scale, then weighing the mother alone and subtracting the second amount from the first.
"That won't work," countered the woman. "I'm not the mother, I'm the aunt."

How do you know if a blonde has been in your fridge?
There's lipstick on the cucumber!!!

A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The flight attendant rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."
The flight attendant gets the head flight attendant who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head flight attendant doesn't know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off, so she goes ...   Full text

A woman hired a contractor to repaint the interior of her house. The woman walked the man through the second floor of her home and told him what colors she wanted for each room. As they walked through the first room, the woman said, "I think I would like this room in a cream color."
The contractor wrote on his clipboard, walked to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!" He then closed the window and continued following the woman to the next room. The woman looked confused, but proceeded with her tour. "In this room, I was thinking of an off blue." Again, the contractor wrote this down, went to the window, opened it and yelled out, "Green side up!"
This baffled the ...   Full text

Did you hear about the blonde that died raking leaves.
Yeah, She fell out of the tree.

Why Did it take the blonde so long to eat her M & M 's ?
Because she was trying to put them in aphabetical order!

How do you keep a blonde busy? see below.
How do you keep a blonde busy? see above.

What do you do if a blonde throws a Grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.

1.Tricycle kickstand
2.Solar flashlight
3.Fire proof matches
4.Inflatable dartboard
5.Glass hammer
6.Black light bulb
7.Boomerang grenade

One day a blonde decided to rent an erotic movie. She went to the video store and picked out an arousing title. When she got home she immediatly dimmed the lights and put the video in her VCR. However to her suprise the screen was too fuzzy to see a picture. She then called the video store to complain. The man at the store said that they were having some trouble with certain movies. "What's the title of the movie?"he asked.She replied "Head Cleaner"

What is the difference between a blonde and the grand old duke of york? The grand old duke of york only had 10000 men.

A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.
Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.
Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.
The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"
The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, ...   Full text

There is a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead and they are all in the third grade.Which one has the biggest breasts? The blonde because she is 18.

THere was a blonde a burnett and a red head on top of a burning building. The firemen were standing at the bottom of the building with a sheet and they yelled to the burnett "jump and we will catch you' so she jumped and the firemen moved the sheet and she went flat on the ground. THey then said to the red head 'its your turn now jump and we'll catch you' she replied 'im not stupid i saw what you did to her' they replied 'no we just dont like red heads' so she jumped and they moved the sheet and she went splat on the ground. They then said to the blonde 'its your turn now' she said 'im not stupid i saw what you did to the other two, put the sheet down and walk away'

Q: Why does a blonde write TGIF on the inside of her shoes?
A: To remind her that Toes Go In First.

A blonde and a brunette were walking down the street the brunette says "Look at that dog with one eye!!"
So the blonde puts her hand over one eye.

A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and the tuth fairy were walking down the street. There was a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Who picked it up?
The dumb blonde, the other two dont exist.

On a deserted island there were three women, a blond a brunette and a redhead. They needed to get back to the mainland and the only way was by swimming. The redhead goes first. She makes it a quarter of the way then drowns. The brunnette goes second. She makes it one third of the way then drowns.The blonde comes last. She makes it one half of the way, gets tired and then turns back.

Q. How are blondes and turtles alike?
A. When they're on their backs they're both screwed.

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are hanging out on a limb of a cliff.
As the limg begins to give away the brunette say, "One of us is going to have to let go or we will all die."
The redhead gives a long impressive speech about how she has lived the most and that she will be the one to let go.
The blonde is so impressed that she starts clapping!

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach.
The blonde replies, "I'm young, blonde and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA."
Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach.
Again, the blonde replies, "I'm ...   Full text