A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."

This blonde decides one day that she is sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over and asks her if she is ok. She replies ...   Full text

A blonde wanting to earn some money decided to hire herself out as a handyman- type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch, how much will you charge?" he replied. The blonde said "How about $50.00 ?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladder were in the garage. The man's wife inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should, she was standing on the porch." A short time later, the blond came to the door to collect her money. ...   Full text

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?" "The son of a bitch called back."

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in ...   Full text

A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every
single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with
her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells
"Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her
composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told
you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss,"
he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is,
you haven't broken every bone in ...   Full text

1)I once new a blonde that was so stupid she called me to get my phone number.
2)She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate"
3)She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
4) She tryed to put M&M's in Alphebetical order.
5)She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
6) she tried to drown a fish
7) She thought a quarterback was a refund
8)She tripped over a cordless phone.
9)she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slep for
10) She asked the lady for a price check in a $2 store.
11)She studied for a blood test.
12)She thought a meow mix (cat food) was a CD for cats
13)When she ...   Full text

Why don't blondes ware miniskirts in the winter?
because they are afraid their lips will freeze !!!

what did the blonde say when she look in a box of cheerios?
OOO look! DOHNUT SEEDS!!! YAY! : )

how do you kill a dumb blonde?
stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the botton of a swimming pool!

What does every blonde have in her bedroom?
sex

A man was talking to a blonde and decided to tell he a blonde joke, he said "How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"
The Blonde thinks for a minute and says "You're not very smart are you? You would have to be the size of an ant to have sex in a lightbulb."

What is the difference between two blonde ladies and one man?
There is no difference, the only thing inbetween two blondes is one very lucky man.

What happened when the blonde shot an arrow into the air?

She missed

Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.
The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie, "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"
"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked.
"Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage."
The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around
the house?" asked the ...   Full text

A man was on a flight to New York from LA. He was sitting next to a blonde lady. He decided to have some fun, so he asked the blonde to play a game. The game went like this: he would ask a question, and if she didn't know the answer, she would pay him $10, and vis versa.
The blonde refused, and tried to take a nap, but the man, instead of giving up, said "I'll pay you $100 for every question I don't know, and you can only pay me $10. Okay?" The blonde finally accepted.
The man asked: "Who is the leader of Russia?" The blonde promptly handed him a $10 bill. Then she asked: "What is black and white and runs up hills backwards?" The man pondered on this for a while, then took out ...   Full text

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A: So brunettes can remember them.

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.
A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn't that Bush and Powell sitting over there?"
The barman says, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?"
Bush says, "We're planning WW III."
And the guy says, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush says, "Well, we're going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits."
The guy exclaimed, "A blonde with big tits?" "Why kill a blonde with big tits?"
Bush turns to Powell and says, "See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"

A Blonde orders a pizza in a pizza shop and the chef ses would you like 12 or 6 slices cut up for your pizza and the blonde ses ill only have 6 coz im not that hungry

did you here about the blonde that went skiing? she was driving and saw a sign that read MT. RAINIER LEFT. so she turned around and went home.

Q: What does a blond and tornado have in common?
A: In the begining theres alot of sucking and blowing and in the end they take your house.

There was this priest in church having a normal Sunday morning service.
Then he heard this woman scream. A blonde hair woman came busting through the church with only a rob on and high heels. She faced the priest and opened her robed wiggling her tits and said, "Help me priest I'm posessed by the devil."
The priest said help me lord. Then the women moved closer and said it again. The priest looked up and said, " Jesus, what would you do?" The drawing of Jesus eyes opened and he said, "Wow, let me out, let me out if you wont fuck her at least let me do it."

what is the difference between a blonde and a washing machine?
you can drop a load in a washing machine without it following you for a week.

Why does the blonde insist on him wearing a condom?
So she can have a doggie bag for later!

What do blondes and turtles have in common?
Once their on their backs they're fucked!

a blonde goes to the doctor with chest pain, after examining her the doctor says, i think you have acute angina. the blonde replies i know and my tits are pretty good too.

a Blonde a brunnette and a red head escape from prison, so they run and hide in a barn. Each one of them hide in a sack each.
so a cop comes in and goes over to the sack with the red head in it, and kicks it, so she says MEOW. So he thinks it's a bag of Kittens,
he then goes to the brunnettes bag, kicks it and she saysWOOF so he thinks its a bag of puppies.
so he goes to the last bag where the blonde is, he kicks it and the blonde says POTATOES.
So they are all back in Prison AGAIN, but manage to escape, but they escape to the roof. so the prison guards are out. and a guard says to the 3 of them right if you jump down the roof onto this sheet that we r ...   Full text

What do u call a blonde with pig tails?
A blow job with handle bars!!!!!
What Now ooooooooooooooo

2 blondes walk in2 a bar, teh brunette ducked