Blonde jokes

There were 3 girls, a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde. There was this magic mirror, and if you said a lie in front of it, you would disappear.
The redhead went up to it and said "I am the prettiest girl in the world" Poof, she disappeared.
The brunette went up to the mirror and said "I think I am the prettiest girl in the world" Poof, she disappeared.
The blonde went up to the mirror and said "I Think..." Poof she disappeared.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M company?
Because she threw away all the Ws.

Q. Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A. Because it kept falling out

A blonde woman is speeding down the road in her little red sports car
and is pulled over by a female police officer who is also a blonde. The
blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license.

She digs through her purse and gets progressively more agitated.
"What does the license look like?" she finally asks
The policewoman replies, "It's square and it has your picture on it."

The blonde driver finally finds a square mirror, looks at it
and hands it to the blonde policewoman. "Here it is," she says.
The blonde officer looks at the mirror, then hands it back saying,
"Okay, you can go. Sorry, I didn't realize you were a cop."

A man and a blonde were having sex. The guy asks the blonde, "Was I the first guy to ever have sex with you?"
The blonde replies, "I don't know. Your face looks familiar."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."
So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.
"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."
"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

... 80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid Convention".

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?" A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.
The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!" Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"
The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global ...   Full text

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?
A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.
Q: How do you kill the blonde's sister?
A: Tell her to go down to the bottom of the pool and do CPR.

A young man just got a new job as a ventriloquist. He was to do a comedy act at a local bar. With a dummy sitting on his lap the young man started his act. He started telling the audience dumb blonde jokes.
In the middle of a sentence a blonde stood up and hollered, "It's people like YOU who discriminate against people like me! Does the colour of one's hair prove anything? Does it correlate with my IQ? What makes you think that you can stereotype women like that anyways? You are keeping me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching their full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but ...   Full text

There was a blonde who was so dumb that she
a) locked herself in a restroom and wet her pants
b) got locked in a grocery store and starved to death
c) tripped over a cordless phone
d) tried to put m & m's in alphabetical order

Question: "What did the blonde's right leg say to the blonde's left leg?"
Answer: "I don't know. They have never met."

Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
A: A golden retreiver

A blonde and a brunette are in a car and the blonde is driving. The blonde is going 70+ mph and the speed limit is 60. The brunette says, "Be careful. A cop can pull you over if your speeding!" The blonde slows down, but only to about 65 mph. A little while later, the blonde says, "Uh-oh, there's a cop behind us." The Brunette says, "Is he after us?" The blonde says, "I don't know." The brunette says, "Are his lights on?" And the blonde repiles, "Yes...No...Yes...No..."

What is the difference between the Titanic and a blonde?
People know how many men went down on the Titanic!

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None they only screw in a bed.

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"
The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the ...   Full text

How did the Blonde die raking leaves?
She fell out of a tree

Two blondes walked into a building the other day...
you would have thought that at least one of them would have seen it!!

Why was the blonde's belly button sore? Because her boyfriend was a blonde as well.

Two tourists were driving through Wales.
At the little village of
Llanfairpwllgwyngllgogerychwryndrobwllyantsllyogogogoch
they stopped for lunch and one tourist asked the waitress, "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly?"
The blonde waitress leaned over and said, "Burrr-gurrr-Kinngg..."

How do you change a blonde's mind?
You blow in her ear!

Why did the blonde go up on the roof?
She was told that drinks were on the house!

A blonde and a brunette are driving in a car down a freeway.
The brunette sees a police car in the rear view mirror.
She asks the blonde to turn around and see if the police cars' lights are on.
The blonde turns around and replys "yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all went into the ObGyn office together. When they met after their check-ups, the redhead was smilling, and the brunette asked her why. "I'm going to have a baby boy," the redhead replied.
"How do you know?" asked the blonde.
"Because I was on top."
This got the brunette thinking, and she smiled as well. "I'm having a girl!" she exclaimed. Again the blonde asked how she knew. "I was on bottom," said the brunette.
The blonde started bawling. "Why are you crying?" the redhead asked.
Through her tears, the blonde replied, "I'm gonna have puppies!"

A blonde walked up to a coke machine, put in a dollar, and got out a coke. She then put in another dollar, and got another coke. Again and again, she put in more and more dollars and got out more and more cokes.
As she was doing this, a man came and stood behind her. he tapped her on her shoulder, and said "What on earth are you doing?"
She replied angrily " Shut up! Cant you see im winning?!"

There were three construction workers, a blonde, a brunette, and a red head. One day when they were eating lunch, the red head said, "I hope I don't get a turkey sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a turkey sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another turkey sandwich, I am going to kill myself." Then the brunette opens his lunch and says,"I hope I don't get a roast beef sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a roast beef sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another roast beef sandwich, I am going to kill myself." Then the blonde opens up his lunch and says, "I hope I don't get a cheese sandwich." and sure enough, he gets a cheese sandwich. Then he says, "If I get another cheese sandwich, I am ...   Full text

One day a blond was driving down the street. As she was going along she spotted another blond sitting in a row boat out in the middle of a field. She was so angry she slammed on the brakes, jumped out of the car and screamed at the top of her lungs, "You stupid idiot! It's dumb blonds like you that give smart blonds like me a bad name. I have half a mind to swim out there and kick your butt!"

why do blondes like cars with adjustable steering wheels?
they like more head room.

Two blondes and a brunette are trapped on an island. The first blonde swims from the island to the mainland. The second blonde builds a boat from palm trees and rows to the mainland. The brunette, however, uses the bridge.