| Jokes |
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Joke #2182
(Apr 9, 2009)
Rating: [10]
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Whenever Chuck Norris looks in a mirror it breaks. Because not even glass is dumb enough to stand between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris. Full text |
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Joke #2181
(Apr 9, 2009)
Rating: [2]
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When Chuck norris steps in a puddle, he doesn't get wet. The puddle gets Chuck Norris. Full text |
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Joke #2119
(Aug 30, 2008)
Rating: [1]
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Chuck Norris doesn't shoot 20 rounds, he shoots 1 round 20 times Full text |
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Joke #2118
(Aug 29, 2008)
Rating: [-2]
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Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands when he came back they were just called the Islands Full text |
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Joke #2116
(Aug 28, 2008)
Rating: [3]
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Chuk Norris is not God, because God admires him. Full text |
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Joke #2115
(Aug 27, 2008)
Rating: [3]
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There is a new "Find Chuck" book. His face is in the middle of everypage, but you don't dare find him, out of sheer terror os being round house kicked in the face. Full text |
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Joke #2114
(Aug 25, 2008)
Rating: [0]
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My wife doesn't fuss at me anymore, because she was looking thru my phone and saw CHUCK NORRIS'S number in my contacts! Full text |
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Joke #2098
(Jul 3, 2008)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck norris ate a box of sleeping pills but it only made him blink Full text |
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Joke #2097
(Jun 17, 2008)
Rating: [1]
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If Steven Segal fought a bear he would walk up and snap his neck, if it was Rambo he would cut it in half, if it was Chuck Norris the bear would know better. Full text |
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Joke #415
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [6]
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Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield. Full text |
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Joke #416
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [1]
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Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Full text |
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Joke #417
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Full text |
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Joke #418
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence. Full text |
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Joke #419
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation, Chuck Norris can be seen powering the USS Enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks. Full text |
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Joke #359
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [3]
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Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure. Full text |
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Joke #360
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Full text |
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Joke #361
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women. Full text |
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Joke #362
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Full text |
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Joke #363
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Full text |
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Joke #364
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants. Full text |
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Joke #365
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the
face. Full text |
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Joke #366
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris. Full text |
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Joke #367
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [1]
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Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided
to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard. Full text |
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Joke #368
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was
removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse
kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." Full text |
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Joke #369
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. Full text |
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Joke #370
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [6]
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Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths
have increased 13,000 percent. Full text |
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Joke #371
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and
unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was
finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul
back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he
should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of
the month. Full text |
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Joke #372
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a
stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub.
Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered,
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the
crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. Full text |
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Joke #373
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [15]
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Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could
chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME
IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his
girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with
Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard ... Full text |
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