How do you know if a fruit cake died?
There’s a 21 "GUN" salute outside of the gay bar Full text

what did the white guy say to black guy? .......................nothing it was the 1930's Full text

Q. Whats the little bumps around a womans nipples for ?
A. Braille for suck me Full text

A man was found guilty of having sex with a dolphin.
His wife was so disgusted and embarrassed that she decided to divorce him.
He said, ' I don't care,there's plenty more fish in the sea.' Full text

One day a gay man walks into a mexican restaurant and orders a plate of jalepenos. When he gets them he starts eating them whole and really fast. The waiter comes by and asks"Why are you eating all of those jalepenos?" the gay guy replies"I had a party 4 days ago, i havent been able to shit right since" Full text

Three guys were at a bar talking about the night before.
First guy says "last night I had my woman sounding like a bear, she was growling like, arrgghhhh!"
The second guy says "oh yeah? Last night I had my woman sounding like a wolf, she was moaning like, aaooowwww!"
The third guy says "That's nothing, last night I had my woman sounding like a dolphin."
"A dolphin?" the first ... Full text

ok three guys die and are trying to get into heaven. got says to the first guy an overweight male "my son to enter heaven you must overcome your addiction to food, to do this you must be locked in a room for 10 years with all the good food". he says to the second guy a nympho that he must be locked in a room with all the sexiest girls untill he no longer enjoys sex. the third guy a pothead ... Full text

Three guys get stranded on an island, they have 2 dollars among them. 1 guy takes a dollar with him and says hes going to go get food, he comes across a vending machine, theres a hamburger, a soda , and a blowjob, the guy says, im really hungry, im really thirsty but im really horny. So he gets the blowjob, the second guy leaves with one dollar and comes across the same vending machine, the ... Full text

One day little Susie went out to play when she found her cat Mr. Piddles laying in the garden with his legs straight up. Well she got scared and went to get her daddy. When the father saw he said "Sweety im sorry but Mr. Piddles is dead. "She said "well why is his legs up in the air?" Daddy told her because it will be easier for Jesus to sweep down and grab his leg and take him to heaven. ... Full text

how many sorority girls does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
They don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in their own vomit Full text

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and ... Full text

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is ... Full text

a 21 year old virgin goes to the pub for a few swift ones with his m8s, hes chattin away when a stunning las walks up to him, they start chatting away and decide to arange a date the next day. he runs home to his mum and says mum mum ive got a date tomorrow, were going to the pictures to watch a film and then back to hers for a coffee. his mum replies "whatever you do dont put your hands ... Full text

how do you know god intended guys to eat pussy? he shaped it like a taco! Full text

A man picks his son up from his first day of kindergarten and to his amazement his son tells him he has learned two new words on his first day. His father says, "I am so proud of you, what are they?"
The boy replies, "Vagina and Bitch", with a look of utter confusion. The father is in complete shock and scolds the child for his vulgarity. The boy is in tears and asks his father to ... Full text

Those jelly babies aye
i bought some the other day, put my hand in my pocket to grab a black one and the fuck stole my watch Full text

When Tom's wife came home Sunday afternoon to find the kitchen and living room a mess, the laundry still in a pile by the
washer, and Tom on the couch having done nothing but drink
beer and watch football all day, she yelled, "Watch yourself,
mister, or you're going to make me do something I don't want
to do!"
"Wow," Tom thought, "I can't believe I'm going to get a ... Full text

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm. His wife is busy reading when he walks in, and she sets her book down into her lap when she hears him say " Honey this is the pig I fuck when you have a headache."
She looks at him puzzled, and says "Dear if you look closely, you'll see that's a sheep, not a pig".
He looks at her...and says "If you look even closer, you'll see ... Full text

A man gets the words "I Love You" tatooed on his dick. He goes home and shows his wife. She looks at him and says " There you go putting words in my mouth again" Full text

A man is out walking in the hills when he sees a woman standing on the edge of a cliff.She is very upset and crying loudly.
' What are you doing up here, ' said the man.
' I'm going to kill myself, ' replied the woman.
' Well, before you do,what about giving me a blowjob? ' said the man.
The woman proceeds to give him the best blowjob he can remember.
' Anyway, why do ... Full text

This guy and his girlfriend are driving down a road, RREEEAALLLLLY SSLLLOOWWLLLYYYY. The girl says that for every 5 miles an hour he goes, shel'l take off a part of her clothes. So he goes 5 miles faster, her shirt. 5 faster, her pants.Eventually she is naked and hes going 75 mph. They then crash into a ditch. The gut is stuck and cant move. The says she'll go out for help. The guy tells her ... Full text

lil john was given 20 dollars by his dad to go lose his virginity to a hooker,
on the way there he stopped by his grandma's house for cookies,
Grandma asked: where ae you heading to lil john, he replied: dad gave me money to go lose my virginity to a hooker. Grandma said: oh, well, just give me the 20 dollars and I'll fuck you.
Lil john went home, dad asked: how did it go with the ... Full text

A Lebanese Guy from Beirut named "Abou el abed" died with his dick standing up. His relatives put him in a coffin but they couldn't close it up because each time they try to close it, the "standing dick" forbid them to do so. Suddenly, they got an idea: they pulled his dick, twisted it and put it into "Abou el abd"'s ass. Abou el abed seemed to be suffering: his color changed to ... Full text

This guy walks into a bar and uses the washroom so hes pissin another guy walks in starts pissin, 1st guy looks at other guy and sees he has 2 dicks 1st guy being curious asks 2nd guy why he has 2 dicks 2nd guy says ones for pissin ones for fucking, 1st guy asks where can i get one of those so 2nd guy tells him this doctor ill tell you and its cheap. So next day 1st guys at the doctors, doctor ... Full text

tramp enters a jewellers and begins to casually finger his hole, the jeweller is astounded and disgusted, he walks over to the tramp and politely asks him to leave the premises! the tramp simply walks out the door and points at a sign in the jewellers window " come in and pick your ring in comfort" Full text

A husband and wife are having sex upstairs with the window open when a bumblebee flies in the window and into the wife's vagina. The man and the woman freak out and decide to go to the emergency room. When they finally get to see a doctor, he says that his plan is to put honey on the tip of his penis, to start having sex with the woman, and then to attract the bee and pull out his penis along ... Full text

How many flies would it take to screw in a light bulb?
2, but i have no clue how they would get in there. Full text

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third ... Full text

This horse on a farm goes up to the cow and goes, "I have a bigger dick than u" then he beats him up. The horse then goes up to a sheep and goes "I have a bigger dick than u" and beats him up too. He then goes up to the female cat and says "I have a bigger dick than u" and the cat replies "I don't have a dick" then she beats up the horse. The moral of the story is, no matter how big the dick, ... Full text

Theres this rich old lady who has never been satisfied by a man and she decided that she'll give 1 million dollars to a man who can fully comfort her. so all these huge guys start to fuck her one by one for the money and they all got kicked out by her all saying " whoa.... toooo big". Then some small guy hears about this and decides to have a go, and the other guys who got kicked out thought ... Full text