What did the little mountain say to the big mountain?
Hi Cliff!
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkysarus!
What did the robot say when his battery went dead?
AC Come, AC Go!
What did Pooh say to his agent?
Show me the honey!
What's the last thing you take off before going to sleep?
Your feet off the floor!
What rock ... Full text

Who was bigger, Mr. Bigger or his son?
His son...he was a little Bigger!
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
Why did Robin Hood steal from the rich?
Because the poor didn't have any money!
How do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightgown!
What did one candle say to the other candle?
Lets go out tonight! ... Full text

What has teeth but cannot eat?
A comb!
What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
I think I'm coming down with something!
What goes up the chimney down, but not down the chimney up?
An umbrella!
What do you call a funny guy whose face changes colors?
A chameleon
What song does a van radio play?
A cartoon (car tune)!
Why is Santa ... Full text

What did the shaggy dog get when he multiplied 497 by 684?
The wrong answer!
Why does the letter A look like a flower?
Because a b(bee) always comes after it!
Why did the teacher marry the janitor?
Because he swept her off her feet!
What form of math discusses plant growth?
Geometry (Gee-I'm a Tree)! (
When does a cart come before a horse?
In ... Full text

What is the center of gravity?
The letter V!
What letter is found in a cup?
T!
How do you know if your teacher likes you?
She keeps putting X's on your paper!
When was The Great Depression?
Last week, when I got my report card! (
Why did the class clown give a dog biscuit to Katie?
Because he heard she was the teacher's pet!
Science ... Full text

What occurs 4 times in every week, 2 times in every month, & once in a year?
The letter E! Full text

Who is your best friend at school?
Your princi-pal Full text

What do you get when you add 13 hospital patients to 13 hospital patients?
Twenty Sicks! Full text

How do you spell Hard Water with 3 letters?
ICE! Full text

What has four eyes but can't see?
Mississippi! Full text

Why did the girl turn in her math book?
It had too many problems! Full text

Is a hammer a good tool for math class?
No, you need multi-pliers! Full text

What occurs once in a minute, twice in a moment but never in a day?
The letter M Full text

Why did the Cyclops stop teaching?
Because he only had one pupil Full text

A history joke
How did the Vikings send secret messages?
By norse code!
A math joke
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil: 4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
A history joke
Why did the knight run about shouting for a tin opneder?
He had a bee in his suit of armour!
A history joke
Teacher: Who can tell me where Hadrians Wall ... Full text

Teacher: Why does the statue of liberty stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
A history joke
What was Camelot?
A place where people parked their camels!
A history joke
Who gave the Liberty Bell to Philadelphia?
Must have been a duck family
A duck family?
Didn't you say there was a quack in it!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: ... Full text

Teacher: When you yawn, your supposed to put your hand to your mouth !
Pupil: What ?, and get bitten ! Full text

Teacher: You aren't paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing ?
Pupil: No, teacher I'm having trouble listening ! Full text

Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too? Full text

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ? Full text

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon! Full text

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much !
Father: I hear you skipped school to play football
Son: No I didn't, and I have the fish to prove it ! Full text

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school ! Full text

Pupil (on phone) : My son has a bad cold and won't be able to come to school today.
School Secretary: Who is this ?
Pupil: This is my father speaking ! Full text

Father: How do you like going to school ?
Son: The going bit is fine, as is the coming home bit too, but I'm not too keen on the time in-between ! Full text

Teacher: Why didn't you answer me ?
Pupil: I did, I shook my head
Teacher: You don't expect me to hear it rattling from here do you ! Full text

Our teacher talks to herself does yours ?
Yes, but she does't realise it, she thinks we're actually listening ! Full text

Teacher: I'd like to go through one whole day without having to tell you off.
Pupil: You have my permission ! Full text

I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory
When did this start ?
When did what start? Full text

The brain is a wonder ful thing
Why do you say that ?
Because it starts working the second you get up in the morning and never stops until you get asked a question in class ! Full text