TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other,what would I have?
JOHNY Big hands! Full text

MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money. Full text

TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." Full text

TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any. Full text

TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher...snakes don't have feet. Full text

SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. Full text

TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." Full text

TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are. Full text

TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me! Full text

TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George! Full text

TEACHER: How old were you on your last birthday?
STUDENT: Seven.
TEACHER: How old will you be on your next birthday?
STUDENT: Nine.
TEACHER: That's impossible.
STUDENT: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today. Full text

The child is the only thing in the house that has to do laundry by hand Full text

Two student run to the policeman :
Policeman! Policeman, the corner there ...
- What happened?
- Here ... our teacher ...
- An accident?
- No! He is parking wrong! Full text

The teacher asked:
- John - what is responsible?
- I have only one button on the pants.
- And what?
- That it is responsible. Full text

Q: Where were lemons first found?
A: In a tree! Full text

Q: Where was the Queen of England crowned?
A: On her head! Full text

Q: What's black and white and green and black and white?
A: Two Zebras fighting over a pickle. Full text

Q: What did one penny say to the other penny?
A: If we get together, we could make some cents.
Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A: He had no guts.
Q: What did the snail say when he got a ride on a turtle?
A: WEEEEEEEEE.
Q: Why did the mummy go to jail?????
A: becase he had a bum wrap!!!!!
Q: Simon can you spell yourname backwards?
A: nomis!
Q: ... Full text

Q: How do you stop fish from smelling?
A: Cut their noses off. Full text

Q: What's black and white and read all over?
A: a newspaper! Full text

There was a French man, English man and a stupid man.
The French man caught a rabbit, so the English man said:
"How did you catch it?"
The French man replied:
"I followed the tracks and I caught a rabbit."
So then the English man caught a moose, and the stupid man said:
"How did you get that?"
The English man replied:
"I followed the tracks and I caught a ... Full text

What has a head and a foot but no arms?
A bed! Full text

The turtle took two chocolates to Texas, to teach Thomas to tie his shoes. How many "Ts" in that?
There are 2 "Ts" in "THAT! Full text

What kind of keys do kids like to carry?
Coo-kies!
Why do Teddy Bear biscuits wear long trousers?
Because they've got crummy legs
Why don't traffic lights ever go swimming?
Because they take too long changing!
Why did the robber take a bath before he stole from the bank?
He wanted a clean getaway! Full text

What has 5 eyes, is blind, goes for miles, yet bumps into nothing?
The Mississippi River! Full text

What gets wet the more you dry?
A towel! Full text

Whats the hardest part about sky diving?
The Ground! Full text

What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every morning you'll rise and shine!
How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
One! After that its not empty! (
What washes up on very small beaches?
Microwaves!
Why do candle trimmers work so few days a week?
They only work on wick-ends!
What's the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
... Full text

Why can't you starve in a desert?
Because of all the "sand which is" there!
What gets bigger and bigger as you take more away from it?
A hole! (
If a man falls into an outhouse hole, how long will he be in there?
It depends on how many moons he sees!
What goes through towns, up & over hills, but doesn't move?
The road!
How many psychiatrists does ... Full text

What did the dentist say to his computer?
You have a severe Megabyte
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Because Donald Ducked!
What do you get when you throw Daffy Duck into the ocean?
Saltwater Daffy!
Why did Jon go out with a prune?
Because he couldn't find a date! (
What goes all around a pasture but never moves?
A fence!
How do you make ... Full text