Political jokes

President George W. Bush and John Kerry accidentally wound up at the same barbershop at the same time while stopping for a little touch up while campaigning. As they sat in adjacent chairs, worked on by different barbers, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics. As the barbers each finished their haircuts, the one working on Kerry reached for some scented hair tonic to splash on, but Kerry quickly held up his hand smiled, and said, "No thanks, Johnny! My wife, Teresa will smell that and think I've been gallivanting in a whorehouse!" Everyone in his entourage laughed. The other barber turned to Bush and said, "I ...   Full text

Question: Which is the power behind the pakistani tank???????
Answer: The two men, who are pushing the tank.

UHH!!! The Johns have been FLUSHED.

Why are bull sperm and politicians the same?
In each case, only one in a thousand works!

why does america love john kerry so much ? because it's like loving a retarded baby!

Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, They usually argue before they screw things up

what do you get if you put 50 polititions and 50 lesbians in the same room...?
100 people who dont do dick!!!!

We go to filed. He say Bush sing like canary. I say No he sing as Bulfog!

POLITICS:
POLI=many
TICS=bloodsuckers

Q:what did the bush fan say to the kerry fan
A:well i'd rather have a dick and a bush rether than two johns that are full of shit.

Me and a few of my friends were walking down the hall, 2 Demoncrats and moi, a republican. They began insulting my political views so in a sorry attempt to defend myself i said
"Bill Cliniton was a horrible president and he was a democrat! Democrats suck!"
My friends chuckled at this poor defense, but simply responded, "No, no...Democrats don't suck, they get sucked!" We all laughed at this. True story, no lie.
*WARNING IF YOU DON"T GET THE JOKE*...Bill Clinton was a Democratic president...He was impeached on the account that he had "sexual relations" "oral sex" with Monica Lewiskie in the Oval Office. Thus the sucking... -_-

errr the police have found/seen olsama bin laden shaggin sheep but the jury let him off because they wernt his lambs

FBI announced that Roosvelt probably was not totally sane in Jalta.
That's nothing new - it's a long tradition of American presidents - the last one is quite insane all the time...

Q: What is 14 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole.
A: Ward Churchill's tie

One sunny morning, a priest took a walk in the local forest. He had been walking by the stream when he noticed a sad, sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really!" said the priest. "Can you explain?"

"Once upon a time I was an 11 year old Choir boy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by the wicked witch of the forest. 'Let me pass!' I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before ...   Full text

A Democrat and a Republican go camping in the Iron Range of Minnesota. They put their tent down along with the Republican's hunting knife, fishing knife, hunting rifle, and fishfrying pan, and along with the Democrat's portable DVD player with Farenheit 9/11 and they sleep.
All of a sudden, before they knew it a wolf eats the Republican and the Democrat alive. In heaven, they see god.
God says "Since one of my creatures ate you before they gave you a chance to escape, I somehow feel responseable for this death. So how about this. Ii'll put you back on earth, and i'll get the wolf to come after you again, but this time you'll be awake. If you don't at least try to ...   Full text

Janet Reno is living proof that Bigfoot exists, and had at least one offspring.

How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
3. One to screw in the light bulb and 2 to protest the nuclear power plant that lit that light bulb.

When John Kerry called president Bush to concede the election, he did ask that as a provision of the concession that he be allowed to receive a Purple Heart medal for injuries received in the ass whipping.

Just being a Democrat is a big enough joke.

Yesterday I was just sitting at work arguing with a coworker about the war in iraq, he was giveing me some of the most preposterous money numbers about the war such as $200 billion dumbfound at what i had heard i asked what was his source, he straight faced said michaelmoore.com............................ all that i could say was "john im sorry but you are one that sanity was never given to" as i walked away he tried to defend by saying that Republicans are "just dumb" I quieted him down with a small serman about who is in the white house and how that great man saved the united states after 911, freed two countries, captured Saddam, has Osama on the run, and will save social security. ...   Full text

How many demcrats does it take to screw in a light bulb?
it's irrelevant , they're still in the dark.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Just one, but Fox news has to tell them how first

3 Japanesse move into a house and had no money to afford a lot of things. A furniture man says I'll supply all the furniture you need. Then the food guy say if you throw in 2 refridgerator I'll supply 10 years of food deal. A hooker stand up and says I'll give them free sex. Why would you give free sex? I was poken at my husband and he said screw the bastards.

If Monica gets cervical cancer from that cigar? Can she sue Bill?
Or maybe it was indivigually wrapped for safety. But most important was it importated or domestic .? Because we want to know if he kept it in the hood?

I don't like political jokes... I've seen way to many of them be elected...

Three Doctors walk into a bar together and discuss surgeries they
had performed. The first one said, "I'm the best surgeon in Texas.
A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them,
and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of
England."
The second doctor said, "That's nothing. A young man lost both
arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a
gold medal in field events in the Olympics."
The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago
a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into
a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to ...   Full text

The US government is just like the Wizard of Oz.
Dick Cheney is looking for a heart.
The Senate is looking for courage.
And George Bush is looking for brains.

Political jokes / So you have found your place in life, at the head of the table. / So you have found your place in life, next to your dog. What! are you a blind man or something? / So you have found your place in life, as Drew Barrymore's pillow. / So you have found your place in life, now that you held up the Wimbledon trophy. / So you have found your place in life, when are you going to stop going to the graveyard. / So you have found your place in life, you say people should not call you fat. / In your next lifetime you will look at a tree, when you are lost in the forest. / In your next lifetime you will finally date my girlfriend. / In your next lifetime, you will find your lost ...   Full text

Whats Cheneys first name? Dick
Well, When you have a Dick and a Bush, your screwd.