| Jokes |
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Joke #24
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my ... Full text |
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Joke #23
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..." The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?" "You have Alzheimer's disease." "Good heavens! What's the good news?" "You can go home and forget about it!" Full text |
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Joke #22
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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I chanced to pass a window While walking through a mall With nothing much upon my mind, Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that window A cranky-faced old man, And why he looked so cranky I didn't understand. Just why he looked at ME that way Was more than I could see Until I came to realize That cranky man was ME! Full text |
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Joke #21
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [3]
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A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, ... Full text |
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Joke #20
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [3]
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Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." To ... Full text |
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Joke #19
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [2]
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For the first time in many years, a an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to ... Full text |
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Joke #18
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [2]
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Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?" "No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke." Full text |
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Joke #17
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [1]
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An old man visits his doctor and after thorough examination the doctor tells him: "I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?" Patient: "Well, give me the bad news first." Doctor: "You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left." Patient: "OH NO! That's awefull! In two years my life will be over! What kind of good news could you probably tell ... Full text |
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Joke #16
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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Recently seen on a card... Outside: We dont feel sorry for you blowing all those candles, what about us... Inside: ... We had to stay up all night lighting them! Full text |
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Joke #15
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD WANTS never die, they become needs OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just run out of time OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just unwind OLD WATCHMAKERS never die, they just wind down OLD WEATHERMEN never die, they reign forever OLD WHITE WATER RAFTERS never die, they just get disgorged OLD WOOL COATS never die, they just become mothballed OLD WRESTLERS never die, ... Full text |
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Joke #14
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD TEACHERS never die, they just lose their class OLD TELEPHONES never die, they just stop ringing OLD THERMODYNAMICISTS never die, they just achieve their state -- of maximum entropy OLD TIRE TUBES never die, they just get punctured OLD TRASH never dies, they just bury it OLD TRIGONOMETRY TEACHERS never die, they just lose their identities OLD TROMBONISTS never die - ... Full text |
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Joke #13
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD SOCCER PLAYERS never die, they just lose their kick OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just fade away OLD SOLDIERS never die, they just smell that way OLD SOLDIERS never die, young ones do OLD SOURDOUGHS never die, they just ferment away OLD SPELUNKERS never die, they just cave in OLD STEELMAKERS never ... Full text |
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Joke #12
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD RADIOS never die, they just stop receiving OLD RAILROADERS never die, they just derail OLD RAIN PUDDLES never die, they just dry up OLD SAILORS never die, they just get a little "DINGHY" OLD SAILORS never die, they just lose their porpoise OLD SALESMEN never die, they just go out of commission OLD SCHOOLS never die, they just lose their principals OLD SCOTS ... Full text |
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Joke #11
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD POSTAL CARRIERS never die, they just lose their zip OLD PRINTERS never die, they're just not the type OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just byte it OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just decompile OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just get bugged with life OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just go to bits OLD PROGRAMMERS never die, they just lose their memory OLD ... Full text |
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Joke #10
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just get played out OLD MUSICIANS never die, they just go from bar to bar OLD NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS never die, they just go off-line OLD NUMERICAL ANALYSTS never die, they just get disarrayed OLD OWLS never die, they just don't give a hoot OLD PACIFISTS never die, they just go to peaces OLD PARADOXES never die, they just become ... Full text |
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Joke #9
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they just change color OLD MAGICIANS never die, they just they're just fooling themselves OLD MAIDS count on fingers, but young girls count on legs OLD MATH TEACHERS never die, they just reduce to lowest terms OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just disintegrate OLD MATHEMATICIANS never die, they just go off on a tangent OLD ... Full text |
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Joke #8
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD KIDS never die, they just grow up OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their appeal OLD LAWYERS never die, they just lose their briefs OLD LIBRARIANS never die, their computers have Fatal Errors OLD LIBRARIANS never die, they just ... Full text |
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Joke #7
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD HIKERS never die, they just trail away OLD HIPPIES never die, they just smell that way OLD HOCKEY PLAYERS never die, they just achieve their final goal OLD HOMEBREWERS never die, they just ferment away OLD HUNTERS never die, they just stay LOADED OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just imagine it OLD HYPOCHONDRIACS never die, they just lose their grippe OLD ... Full text |
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Joke #6
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD FOOTBALL PLAYERS never die, they just go to the end zone OLD FOOTBALLERS never die, they just kick the bucket OLD FORESTERS never die, they just pine away OLD FRIDGE REPAIRMEN never die, they just blow their cool OLD FROGS never die, they just croak OLD FRUIT never die, it just pear-ishes OLD GARAGEMEN never die, they just retire OLD GEOLOGISTS never die, they ... Full text |
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Joke #5
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just do it until it Hz OLD ELECTRICIANS never die, they just lose contact OLD ENERGIZER BUNNIES never die, they go on, and on, and on... OLD ENGINEERS never die, they just lose their bearings OLD ENGLISH MAJORS do it with Strunk and White OLD ENVIRONMENTALISTS never die, they are just recycled OLD ESKIMOES never die, they just get cold ... Full text |
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Joke #4
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six OLD DANCERS never die, they just step away OLD DAREDEVILS never die, they just get discouraged OLD DEANS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD DENTISTS never die, they just lose their pull OLD DIETERS never ... Full text |
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Joke #3
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [2]
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OLD CANNERS never die, they are preserved OLD CARS never die, they just get run into the ground OLD CASHIERS never die, they just check out OLD CHAUFFEURS never die, they just lose their drive OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just do it inorganically OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just fail to react OLD CHEMISTS never die, they just lose their refluxes OLD CHEMISTS never ... Full text |
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Joke #2
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [0]
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OLD BASKETBALL players never die, they just go on dribbling OLD BEEKEEPERS never die, they just buzz off OLD BIKERS never die, but they're hard on tires OLD BIOLOGISTS never die, they just ferment away OLD BLONDES never fade, they just dye away OLD BOOKKEEPERS never die, they just lose their figures OLD BOOKS never die, they just go out-of-print OLD BOWLERS never ... Full text |
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Joke #1
(Dec 21, 2006)
Rating: [-3]
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OLD ACADEMICS never die, they just lose their faculties OLD ACCOUNTANTS never die, they just lose their balance OLD ACCOUNTS never die, they are deleted OLD ACTORS never die, they just drop a part OLD ALCAHOLICS/DRUG ADDICTS never die, they just get wasted OLD ANTHROPOLOGISTS never die, they just become history OLD ARCHERS never die, they just bow and quiver OLD ... Full text |
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