Q: What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start! Full text

A man and a woman were fighting for custody for their three-year-old son. The woman said she should get to keep the child because she brought it into this world. The judge replied,

"In this case the child would go to the mother. If you can come up with something better, you can keep the child."

The father thought for awhile and then said,

"Judge, if you put a dollar into a coke machine and a coke comes out, whom does the coke belong to? The machine or me?" Full text